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Original poster

Taking dd’s friend on holiday - money

49 replies

Papergirl1968 · 22/06/2019 22:29

The dds and I were going on holiday self catering in the UK for a fortnight in August.
Dd1 now can’t come and I think dd2, 15, will be a bit lonely so am minded to ask her friend to come. They’ve been friends since primary school and I know the girl and her family fairly well.
The house has three bedrooms so plenty of room and all booked and paid for. I wouldn’t expect any contribution to that, nor petrol of course.
However money is a bit tight at the moment. Would you expect her family (she and her much younger siblings actually live with grandparents) to offer a contribution towards food? I like to have a break from cooking while I'm away with takeaways or meals out some nights, plus there’s the cost of ice creams etc which mounts up over a fortnight. Plus if they go to the cinema on a wet afternoon or whatever.
And if they don’t offer, would you ask? I don’t know if I could bring myself to!

OP posts:
MeanMrMustardSeed · 22/06/2019 22:31

If they offer, great, but there is no way I’d ask in this situation.

W0rriedMum · 22/06/2019 22:32

Would you have expected DD1 to have paid for food, ice creams, trips etc.?
Presuming not, I would not expect your DD2's friend to pay either.. Otherwise it's going to be awkward. "I'll have 3 cornettos and she'll buy her own".

MAXnot73 · 22/06/2019 22:32

If you can't afford to take her fully then don't take her.

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ceeveebee · 22/06/2019 22:33

Yes I’d expect to send spending money for food etc. Could you just say when you ask is she wants to come “of course we wouldn’t want anything for the holiday other than just spending money for meals out etc”?

Matleavemadam · 22/06/2019 22:35

I would say when asking if she'd like to come that accomodation is paid for, she would just need spending money for the 2 weeks, then it is up to them if they can afford for her to go?
But to be fair you would have been paying the extra had it been your other DD going anyway?

IkeaIsForWinners · 22/06/2019 22:36

Christ no! Either take her and fund it, or don't! And if they offered, I'd say no!

Floralnomad · 22/06/2019 22:36

I wouldn’t ask her unless you can afford to pay for it all , I don’t think you invite someone and then expect them to pay for their own meals / entertainment . If they offer a contribution that’s a different matter .

Original poster
Papergirl1968 · 22/06/2019 22:37

Good point.
If dd1 had come, I’d have paid for her food and meals out, but I guess I’d have liked her to pay for her own cinema ticket etc. Just to clarify, I probably wouldn’t go to the cinema myself, so it would be “well, if you two have the money for the tickets, you can go.”

OP posts:
SkydivingKittyCat · 22/06/2019 22:41

I'd word the invite as the holiday is all paid for, she'll just need spending money for any extras that the girls want to do. I wouldn't expect her to pay for food.

Silversky70 · 22/06/2019 22:45

Definitely ask! Say the holiday is all paid for but she'll need spending money. That is completely reasonable!

legalseagull · 22/06/2019 22:46

If I was the girls parents I would expect to pay! I'm shocked at the amount of people who wouldn't. I would say the her grandparents "she's more than welcome to come. The accommodation is all paid for so she would only need to cover meals out/excursions" If they say they can't afford that then make a decision but I wouldn't think this was rude if asked of me. I would expect to pay for a holiday so would think I was getting a bargain

BenWillbondsPants · 22/06/2019 22:48

Well she'll need spending money I suppose, but no I wouldn't take money for food. If you're inviting her on a family holiday you should treat her like you would family.

DramaRamaLlama · 22/06/2019 22:49

I wouldn't. It's just too awkward and beyond the capabilities of a 15 year old to understand when she should put her hand in her pocket and pay and when not.

If you want to host (and can) then do so expecting to pick up the tab. Otherwise don't invite another child.

Tobermory · 22/06/2019 22:50

Im with legalseagull on this one.

Who expects someone else to pay for their child’s holiday?

There’s no way I’d expect my dD to be taken on a free holiday so if it was offered I would absolutely volunteer a contribution. I wouldn’t think it all rude to phrase it as someone said upthread... accommodation is paid for, just need money for meals out, spending meant etc.

Bluerussian · 22/06/2019 22:53

Don't ask for any money but I am sure you will be offered some and can accept graciously.

1066vegan · 22/06/2019 22:53

We've invited one of my dd's friends to come on holiday with us a couple of times. Her parents paid for her flights but we covered everything else. If I was holidaying in the UK, I wouldn't ask for any money.

BloodyhellMartha · 22/06/2019 22:58

I wouldn't. I had this years ago with one of mine - her friend was an only child and parents had a holiday home abroad. They kindly invited DD to go with them for a fortnight and paid.

I couldn't have afforded to pay for her food/meals out every evening for a fortnight. I was a single mother with other DC. Had they asked or expected I'd have had to decline the holiday on her behalf.

DramaRamaLlama · 22/06/2019 22:59

Oh and any time I've offered it last been graciously declined.

I then traumatise over what's an appropriately generous but non ostentatious gift as a thank you to adults who've taken you're teen overseas for two weeks.

Answers on a postcard...

Ilovetolurk · 22/06/2019 23:00

I'd word the invite as the holiday is all paid for, she'll just need spending money for any extras that the girls want to do

Agree with this

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 22/06/2019 23:07

Please be upfront. I took ds's friend to Portugal. Cost his dps a passport that's all. They offered no contributions at all.
He had spending money but bought sweets at every opportunity while I was saying no to my dc..... Him and ds ruined the first week so I sent them home on a plane!! Insisted his dps refund the cost of the flight too!
Won't ever take anyone again!
You have been warned!

BlueBuilding · 22/06/2019 23:08

I just can't imagine going out for a meal and asking a 15yo for some cash towards the bill.

Or doing a shop and expecting her to hand some money over when you get to the check out.

It'll be a bit awkward surely? I think most people would send their child with a bit of spending money for the cinema or whatever, but food, really??

lyralalala · 22/06/2019 23:09

I think you need to assume you’d be paying for everything and treat any contribution as a bonus.

As a parent I’d give a contribution and spends, but a family on a tight budget might not be able to afford holiday expenses at such short notice.

Also please speak to the parent before the child. DD’s friend invited her to Alton Towers once and the girls got all excited together then I had to be the bad guy and say no because I couldn’t afford it.

SD1978 · 22/06/2019 23:15

I'd hope they would- but as others have said- you were planing on funding 2 children already. It's entirely your choice though- but I'd run it past the grandparents before letting your daughter know/ they may not be able to afford either.

TheRedBarrows · 22/06/2019 23:24

2 weeks is a long time to feed a teenager and I would definitely contribute to any child who came away with me.

I would say ‘We’d love her to come with us, all costs covered except maybe you could leave me with £50 towards takeaways and meals out, and send her with some spending money in case the girls go out on their own”

Yabbers · 22/06/2019 23:38

Him and ds ruined the first week so I sent them home on a plane!! Insisted his dps refund the cost of the flight too!

That’s extreme. Did you send your DS home and make him pay too, given he also ruined the first week?

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