If life didn't work out the way you hoped, what small things make it bearable every day?

[Ballymaloe]

I'm in a bit of bad patch just now, feeling very, very single and very, very lonely. I had really hoped I'd be in a relationship with children by now.

I'm nearly 34 and I've never had a relationship. I've been trying OLD since I was 30 but nothing has ever became anything long term.

I don't think OLD is doing me any favours mentally so I've deleted them. I can't afford to go on holiday or do anything extravagant. I'd really like a dog but work too long hours. So those are both out.

I already do two classes during the week which I really enjoy.

Hey Ballymaloe. It sounds like you have a good attitude to life, trying news things and getting involved.
The dog thing is interesting, I think you’re right not to get one if you can’t be with it for long stretches. I have friends who pet sit for people when they’re on holiday, might that be something to consider trying?
Life changes all the time, right now it’s not so great for you, but who knows what’s around the corner?

Oh and in answer to your question small things that make things bearable? I’m not sure, but jokes, fun, smiling, a really great cup of tea, seeing nice dogs, sunny day, starting a new book, lots of stuff.

Are there any rescues near you Bally?
Ours is always asking for walkers /volunteers.

My life definitely isn't what I hoped or planned & since my eldest died I find it very difficult to find joy in anything .
But,my animals do make me smile and give me comfort. (4 dogs,1cat)

I don't socialise outside of my family now so I am alone a lot and have started taking an interest in my garden again, after neglecting it since Dd died.
I was pleased that I have made an effort when picking the first ripened tayberries this morning & will enjoy a few in some gin later !

I am so sorry for your loss Watcher.

I will look up volunteering options I think.

The pet sitting is paid btw, and if you go and stay in their house while the owners are away you get a holiday as well!
My friend joined an agency, she’s even been abroad!

Having plants on my balcony - seeing the green, watching seeds grow, waiting for plants to bloom - reminds me to appreciate small pleasures and enjoy the here and now. It is tough, though, OP

Thanks ,I hope you find somewhere near you.
The rescue near us has schedules for morning,daytime & evening /weekend walkers ,they also hold fun days and fundraising events .
If yours is similar hopefully you'll find a whole new social circle and get the chance for puppy cuddles!

The way I use Instagram makes me happy.

I don't follow influencers or famous people; I have it set to things that make me smile - baby goats, sea glass, aquamarines, specific places I love.

Then, I get a happy set of pictures whenever I look at it.

I can particularly recommend baby goats

I didn’t plan to be a single mum in a foreign country and I’m stuck here till the youngest finishes school at least.

Things that get me thro are good friends, an hour’s walk every day & knowing that even tho I wouldn’t have chosen this life for myself it has been the right thing for the kids.

I’m also able to appreciate that much worse things could happen - my mother wasn’t even alive at my age and this makes me try not to wallow too much.

[smug parent alert]

Believe me, I didn't plan to be Mum to a severely autistic child ... but he is happy in his own world, and his smiles and giggles make it bearable.

[smug /off]

Have you looked at Borrow My Doggy? www.borrowmydoggy.com/

Would you consider a cat instead of a dog? They can be left alone for longer periods.

The Cinnamon Trust recruit dog walkers for elderly people, Borrow my Doggy is another one.
My life now is nothing like I thought it would be following a break up of a long term relationship at 32. I had a couple of short term relationships but on the whole my 30s were a bit miserable. When I was 37 I went on a dream holiday to South Africa and Namibia . A few days before I left I was having a bit of a whinge about going home and the guide said something very simple to me which really did change my life. All he said was Home should be the place where you most want to be, if it isn't change it. He was right. I did all the things that get trotted out on threads like this. I took redundancy, went travelling, went back to university, found a new career and eventually yes I did adopt a child. So at 30 I thought I would be married with children. At 54 I'm still single but I have a son, an allotment, cat and tank of fish, and an amazing group of friends.
I suppose I'm not that far off where I thought I would be in my 50s, I have a bit more debt than I would like, minus a partner. But I sorted out what was most important to me and went for it, it was just a different path to getting here.
So I wouldn't look for small things that make your life bearable,because you are defining it as a negative. At 34 you have a lifetime ahead of you, too much to waste filling in.Re-evaluate your life, decide what's important and go for it

I'm a firm believer in wanting what you have (rather than having what you want), so i regularly (frequently, throughout the day) practise gratitude. I am grateful for things that perhaps others take for granted. Food in my belly, my health, the sun shining (or if its raining, having waterproofs to protect me). You can turn pretty much anything round to find a positive, (obviously not the loss of a child, sorry for your loss, Watcher ), but things like when the kids leave a trail of mess behind them, being grateful that we are in a position to have the stuff, in the first place, or that we have a home that they can make a mess in.
Even when bad things happen, i wouldn't wish them away as they are all part of my journey to get me to where i am today.

You could approach any elderly neighbours who have dogs, they might be pleased if you offered a bit of dog walking in your spare time.

Funnily enough I was thinking of my dog when I read the thread title. My life has not worked out how I planned in some ways but my dog always cheers me up. Other things are going out for coffee with friends or my mum. MN! And other online sites I do a lot of my socialising online. My sister has a life that hasn't worked out as she hoped in a lot of ways too, she always has a project on the go, right now it is getting rid of all plastic in her life - I mean something interesting and worthwhile to her.
Back to dogs again I think its a good idea to do some of the dog related things mentioned if you really think you would like a dog one day. Experience and confidence is such a help with dogs and if you do get one you will be more likely to have a successful time with it if you know a bit about them.

Continuing with the dog theme I got my 3 from a Spanish rescue that has a wonderful internet (Facebook and Instagram) presence and supporters from all over the world. They run auctions and sponsorships and keep you in touch with what's happening in the dogs' forever homes (USA, Canada,Finland, Iceland as well as Europe and the UK.) Many supporters are dogless for many reasons but it's like one big international family. Message me for details.

A dog is sometimes possible if you can get a dog walker for an hour or so. Many people here have them .Who knows on your days off you may get to meet someone nice on a walk!.As far as your life not working out as you hoped ,well that could be said for an awful lot people TBH!.Many people are in bad relationships ,having to care for sick children or elderly relatives .Are in a bad way financially and so on.It sounds trite, but if you just think of one thing a day ,you can smile and remember even if its just a chat to a friend at work ,stroking a nice dog even a good lunch! .You are still young and have your whole life ahead of you!

Life is very different for me from what I had hoped (chronic illness/no kids) Things that help are: Having nice things to look forward to, being a cat owner, doing nice/helpful things for other people eg babysitting, helping elderly neighbours, learning to crochet and make my own clothes, podcasts, books, netflix.
Sorry life feels hard

Thank you all for taking the time to post, I really appreciate it.

I know I need to be more grateful for what I have

My children. I gave up my long, long yearned for chance at the career of always wanted to be here for my nan. As such, have since lives a life of shitty low paid menial work, now a sahm for the foreseeable future, and it's worked out ok. They make life bearable.

I think appreciating the very small stuff helps - a great peach/tub of ice cream/bag of chips; not comparing your life with other people’s (because behind closed doors and off Instagram, things won’t be how you think); smiling at a stranger and getting a smile back; just trying to be a glass half full kind of person; telling yourself that nothing is forever and things will change; working hard at making change happen rather than waiting for it to happen....

I book things ahead a lot. To make sure I always have something to look forward to and it makes my calendar seem "full" even if I'm just jotting on it dentist, cinema, hair, beach, etc
If I have nothing to look forward to I start getting a bit depressed

I'm a single parent in a near minimum wage job which is so far from where I thought my life would go. But I have 2 incredible, beautiful boys who make every day worth it, a crazy hound who makes me smile, a demanding feline who vaguely loves me, my own roof over my head and a lovely boyfriend.

It sure isn't what is planned but I'm not sure I'd change it.

Maybe you could read my opening post mygastisflabbered? :(

Volunteering? Parkrun? Both wonderful lovely things.