If life didn't work out the way you hoped, what small things make it bearable every day?

[Ballymaloe]

I'm in a bit of bad patch just now, feeling very, very single and very, very lonely. I had really hoped I'd be in a relationship with children by now.

I'm nearly 34 and I've never had a relationship. I've been trying OLD since I was 30 but nothing has ever became anything long term.

I don't think OLD is doing me any favours mentally so I've deleted them. I can't afford to go on holiday or do anything extravagant. I'd really like a dog but work too long hours. So those are both out.

I already do two classes during the week which I really enjoy.

I quite like my life, but it is and always has been the very little things that make me content. Watching bees on flowers and birds on the lawn. Different lovely fabrics, a cup of really well made tea, a little stack secondhand books waiting to be read. My cat ( we can’t get a dog either)- would a couple of cats be a possibility - they aren’t very expensive and some are very cuddly and sociable? yoga with Adrienne. Sleeping. Baking.

How about one of the dog-like cat breeds? Bengals are very dog like and it is hard to feel lonely with one following you round the house and "helping" with everything. Lots of lovely adult bengals up for rehoming on the Bengal UK Welfare Facebook page due to most turning out to prefer being only cats.

Also if there is an assitance dog charity like Guide Dogs near you you could volunteer as a boarder. They go to school.in the day and you have them evenings and weekends

Apologies OP. You asked for the little things that get me through. I thought I was replied in kind. No offence meant.

Music you like. Listening to music makes a huge difference to my mood.
Cats are also recommended

One of my friends fosters assistance dogs when they are being trained. They give the dog a home for 6 months but every morning the dog is picked up by their trainer for the day and bought back in the evening. They also pay for all the dogs food and pet bills so you could look into that. I would also consider volunteering perhaps on for the girl guides or scouts as there is so much need out there and will increase your connection to other people

Hi Bally
Sorry to hear you feel the way you do but from the way you framed your post - what makes life bearable - it seems that you have decided only what you want can make you happy. I don't believe that's true - i can learn to want, or at least accept with gratitude most of the time - what I have. I know if I'm in a poverty mindset I can accentuate and focus on the thing that is wrong and get right into anger and self pity. I have a child with autism, my marriage broke up, life has been blighted with addiction etc etc - but it is still a wonderful world and there is much beauty in it. And that's what I focus on. I suppose that's the answer to that's what gets me through and out the other side 🙂

I think its great to find the little things that make life bearable when life is difficult, but don't give up on finding a partner and having dc. You are still young and have plenty of time to do that. Maybe you do need to look at changing your way of meeting someone. If you start a new thread on that some people may have advice. Another point is whether you could retrain in a career you like better and pays a bit more? Could that be an option for you.

Look up action for happiness. It’s an 8 week course, during which you look at what makes you/people happy.

But to answer your original question, I think you might possibly look at your life from the wrong angle. It’s not like it’s finished, done, set in stone. Even having a partner and kids, a dog etc can/does turn into trudgery sometimes.
You sound like you are dissapointed your life hasn’t turned out quite how you like it, but who are you? How do you know that’s what would make you happy? Just because everybody else has a partner/kids etc, doesn’t mean your life is less desirable.
Find out who you are.

OP I had to message you - I feel in the exact same position. I am a bit older than you, only ever had one real relationship a long time ago and just can't seem to meet anyone. I'm gutted that I have probably missed the chance for children too. I would also love a dog but work too long hours (the job is something else I'd like to change....).

I completely understand how you feel. This is so not where I thought I'd be at this age but it's not easy to change.

xx

Sorry you’re feeling sad. The expectations of society that you really should have a partner can weigh heavy. But your life is of as much value as anyone else’s and as someone has said, is certainly not over or set in stone at 34.
You could make some big bold changes. It is possible to adopt or, I believe, have ivf as a single person.
I’ve certainly had times of great disappointment and brokenness. They can be productive times, even though very painful. eg when I fell in love with someone who did not have feelings for me, I poured my energy into my career & had the consolation of success in that area of my life.
Then, when I lost my career through chronic illness, I found great satisfaction in volunteering with a TEFL group - met some wonderful people.
Don’t give up hope. Find a little thing to work towards. Help somebody in a small way. Small changes can lead to bigger things.

Check out this article - www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert

Morning Bally ,hope you are feeling a bit better this morning
Did you manage to look up rescues in your area ?

You mentioned 2 classes in your post but not what they are ,what are your interests?
Is there anything you might like to try but haven't yet ?

Watering flowers in the garden
Playing with my children
Watching old films
Joking with my husband
Movie nights with homemade popcorn
Reading a book