DPs Mum insisting I go out without my baby

[ineedagirlsname]

Need advice.. my DD is 2 and a half weeks old. DPs mum lives close by. For the last week she has been insistent that we go for lunch / the shops etc without DD.
DD is in good form despite sneezing a lot.
But she is only 2 weeks

I think you are getting very good advice here. There is too much pressure on new Mothers to get out and about about and 'back to normal'. I think I quite like the old fashioned idea of a period of 'Lying in ' where a new Mother was exempt from every day life for a few weeks and looked after while she bonded with her baby. Having a baby is a huge and global change for any women.

I agree with you sage46, I could have done with a lying in period. Didn't want to go anywhere for months, nor did I want chatty visitors. However I've known people who leap around when their baby is very young which is why I said, "Why not?" to the op; I was presuming she feels well enough to go out for a short while. Could be wrong of course.

In any case, it's up to her. She may prefer to wait three months or so and nothing wrong with that at all. No one should pressurise her.

If granny is that keen to be involved, she could take your baby out for a long walk and allow you to sleep at home, then when she comes back she could prepare a snack or meal. That's the sort of help I'd have liked.

I'd switch your phone off. If she hasn't accepted that you're not ready yet, turn off your phone.

Op, have you been out of the house yet? With baby?

To your DP:

'Please tell your mum to stop hassling and pressuring me. I don't need or want to be told when to go out and if she carries on she's going to spoil our relationship, and I don't want that to happen.'

Oh and I went nowhere without mine for a LONG time!

Your baby

Your choice

Either/any way you want to plan things is fine - end of

Other people telling you what to do and making you feel stressed is NOT fine - end of.

Far far too young to be left unless it’s what you really want. Even then if question whether it’s necessary to leave such a new baby. You need to bond with each other.

Are you sure you don’t want to breastfeed. Formula might make it easier for your mil to try and take over.

It's OK to say no. The baby phase is a short part of your child's life and there should be plenty of time for this later

It depends entirely on you - how you are and what you want.

Hell I had my dressing gown still surgically attached at 2 weeks with my 3rd DC but with my 2nd DC I had a few drinks at the local pub one night when he was 2 weeks old, it was bliss (but was still an 'uncomfortable' sit down on the pub chair, you know what I mean ladies).

Just say no thanks, I don't want to go out. I appreciate you may be feeling hormonal and vulnerable at this time, so it's easy to lose perspective and be walked over, but stand your ground. She is off her trolley if she thinks you want to leave a newborn baby and swan off out for dinner. Newborns need mum and mum only that early on.

Bloody hell tell her to sod off! I didn't leave my kids until they were gone one. Lay the law down now otherwise you won't hear the end of it. Congratulations on your baby.

I'm not sure I'd even have wanted to at 2 months, let alone 2 weeks. You don't get this time back again so do what you want to do.
Congratulations!

You are married with a baby. Surely you are old enough to say No to something you don't want to do, especially something so incredibly unreasonable.

You just had a baby. You are still recovering yourself. Your baby is tiny. Your baby is this small only once. Tell your MIL to go home and stop pestering you to go out without the baby. You will when you're ready, but this is your time to sit on your couch with your newborn and bond, not hers.

Practice the phrases -

No thank you.

I don’t want to do that.

No.

Don’t ask me again.

Enough, I’ve already said no.

If you keep on I will have to ask you to leave.

Stop pestering me.

Your DP needs to step up and tell his mother that you're still recovering, it's too soon to leave the baby, and you're not feeling up to going shopping! You'll let her know when you're ready.

The MIL is making it all about herself with the insistence on going shopping. If she cares about spending time with you, why can't she just pop over with some coffee and treats and have a chat?

For the last week! So since she was one week old...

I mean a quiet pub sounds nice, the shops not so much.

Do you want to? No? You don't have to. If she asks again I'd explain you really don't feel up to it, and could she please stop pressuring you.

Waited 9 months for baby to arrive.
Why would you want /need a break??
You hardly know it yet ffs!!

@ fedup21: yes my partner took the call this morning and told her I wouldn't be going anywhere except back to bed today as I was up most of the night with DD.
To the poster who asked she wants me to go out and about and leave my DD with her.. keeps dropping hints about cabin fever and fresh air..
I have been out both with and without DD for appointments in the last two weeks - and I honestly feel like that's enough for me and her but especially me one appointment was that I had to go back to get my stitches looked at and she couldn't understand why I was upset to be leaving DD .. I didn't know how long I'd be gone for and was sore and worried about what might happen when consultant saw them but she made it out to be that I didn't want her to mind DD..
it's not that at all, I just didn't want to have to leave her in the first place and especially for such an unpleasant reason!
So much reassurance and good advice here - thank you all.. I needed to hear it today especially x

I’d hardly stepped out the door by two weeks (winter baby) and would definitely not feel comfortable leaving dc.

She's completely cracked. No sane person would be pressuring a new mother to leave their baby and go out at 2 weeks if they didn't want to. Particularly not someone who presumably been 2 weeks post partum themselves. I was shattered at that point and would have had no qualms saying no and wouldn't have given it a second thought. Too busy with my baby! Ignore her. You're the normal one.

I really wouldn’t worry about offending the mil either
Your baby needs you and only you just now. It’s called the fourth trimester and they need to be cuddled and soothed by mum ( and dad)
Your baby. Your decision tho