DPs Mum insisting I go out without my baby

[ineedagirlsname]

Need advice.. my DD is 2 and a half weeks old. DPs mum lives close by. For the last week she has been insistent that we go for lunch / the shops etc without DD.
DD is in good form despite sneezing a lot.
But she is only 2 weeks

I would give MIL the benefit of the doubt and say ‘thank you so much for offering to give us a break. I’m not up to it yet but we appreciate the sentiment’.
If she’s genuinely trying to help she’ll leave you alone

Can you partner have a word with her?
I had this with mil always asking to have dd alone or sky digs about having her alone I found it really hard and contributed to post natal depression, hope you can get it sorted xx

The main downside of FF. People think you can just leave your baby with them anytime, as if feeding was the only reason you didn't want to.

Just say No thank you.

Just say you're still recovering from childbirth, trying to sort out breastfeeding and don't want to leave the baby yet. I was the same OP - I remember 3w pp and PIL wanted us to join them for a picnic. I'd not long been out of hospital, recovering from blood loss and transfusions, had a 3rd degree tear which hurt like fuck - couldn't sit or walk for more than about 10 minutes, mainly had to lie on my side, and to top it off was on a strong course of antibiotics following sepsis. No, I did not want to go on a sodding picnic. I wanted to be left alone to try and recover while adjusting to life with a newborn! I got DH to deal with them and we didn't go. Perhaps your partner could say something on your behalf too.

Tell DH to tell her to back off or you will lose it.

Just say no. It's a choice, not a command.

My advice would be to say ‘God no! I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less. We’re going to have a lovely day cuddling our new baby. Thanks for the offer though’. There’s nothing in that she could possibly be offended by but it makes it very clear that you won’t be clearing off out of the way so that she can have a lovely day cuddling your new baby.

She probably thinks she's being helpful, giving you a break. Just tell her that you aren't ready to leave your baby yet, but would love to take her up on her offer at a later date.

Honestly, don't worry about upsetting her, you are a grown woman, treat her as a grown woman and tell her no, that isn't what you want to do. I hope you recover well and swiftly

How odd. You'd think the MIL would be desperate to spend time with her grandchild.

I wouldn't/didn't want to leave my baby at all at that stage. Just rest and bond with baby.

Just keep on politely declining.

Think I've misinterpreted your post. Does she want you and your partner to go out so she can look after the baby or does she want to go.out with you without the baby?

Say no and mean it.
You are the mother now. You decide, and other people suck it up. Do not compromise on that.

Get your partner to tell his mum your not ready to be away from your newborn and your still adjusting to life as a mum. She is more than welcome to come round and see the little one. Keep politely declining and she will soon get the hint.

MIL is being mightily unreasonable if she expects you to go our at all, with or without your DD.

You should be resting and recovering after childbirth, not swanning off down the shops.

Jeez.

Oh she wants you to go to the shops with her?
Not she wants you to go out whilst she minds the LO?

TBH that's easy
DP says "ineed"'s just not up to that at the moment, thankyou. How about I whizz you down to the shops (if unavoidable/if doing it will get her to leave you alone for a few more weeks)

You (or better still your DH) must say the next time the topic comes up:
"I am sorry if this sounds rude but for the foreseeable, @ineedagirlsname will not be going out without the baby, so you need to stop bringing the topic up. When we're ready to go out, we'll go out without the baby but that's not going to happen for a while." Then change the subject.

I had this for months from both mum and MIL. I just said over and over again "I'm not ready to be separated from her yet".

Despite a difficult start, early birth, hospital stays and anxiety about being separated due to all of that, they just kept asking. I had to be pretty blunt in the end.

Insisting or Just asking. There is a difference

I feel for you, I had to leave my 7 week old baby (first child) to go to a wedding reception an hour drive away, it was awful I was in tears I was so hormonal, and we were only going for a few hours ... it sounds like you feel it's too soon and that's fine

If you don't want to then don't, similarly dont feel bad if you do want to but feel you shouldn't (if that makes sense); either way your decision is the one that matters.

Why on earth does she think this would be a fun thing for you to do? I had a very robust attitude to leaving my DC with others and going to do things but not when they were 2 weeks old. Surely she would rather come and see both you and the baby at this stage?

Try this:

'No thanks, I don't want to'.

Does she want you to go shopping with her or does she want you to go out so that she can look after the baby?

In any case just say No, I want to stay with the baby.

Get DH to ask her why she keeps on about it. She might be remembering how good it felt the first time she had a wander round the shops without the baby but forgetting that was at 4 months old.

Maybe she's forgotten how physically crap you feel two week's postpartum. We forget. Time goes on, there are more babies and it all kind of blurs together until you can hardly remember the difference between, say, a 9 week old and a 9 month old.

You see it all the time with us middle aged lot going on about the importance of routines, having completely forgotten that we parented like total hippies for the first few months and mostly only succeeded with routines somewhere like 5-9 months old, when the baby was ready for it.