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Original poster

Does this text mean it’s over?

58 replies

JR3977 · 22/06/2019 12:16

Hi
Just looking for some advice on a text from a boyfriend. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months and I really like him but he recently told me he sometimes got depressed and needed space. I didn’t hear from him for a couple of days and I asked if he was ok. He sent this text:
Hey, yeah sorry I'm ok, just having a hard time getting used to seeing someone again, not sure I'm really ready for it which isn't going to make you feel great’
Does this mean he’s definitely breaking up with me? What should I say/do?...

OP posts:
Sunshineonleith12 · 22/06/2019 12:20

I think you'll need to ask him straight out.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/06/2019 12:22

I think if you don’t end it you will have these periods of feeling insecure with him

Aquamarine1029 · 22/06/2019 12:22

He wants out. Personally, I think he's doing you a favour. Wish him well, block and move on.

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Fairfunny · 22/06/2019 12:24

Personally, I'd end it.

One way or another, he doesn't seem too sure about you.

Aquiver · 22/06/2019 12:26

I'm sorry OP - this definitely sounds like he is trying to, gently, indicate he does not want a relationship. I would wish him well and move on with my dignity intact.

HollowTalk · 22/06/2019 12:26

I would end this - he didn't even have the gumption to talk to you about it until you asked him. He just went quiet on you. Imagine that as your future.

Original poster
JR3977 · 22/06/2019 12:28

Thanks for you’re advice. Sure you’re right and I should move on. Just finding it a bit hard, as he was the one who came on strong to start with and I’ve kind of fallen for him. I think maybe I should just meet with him and ask him face to face for closure...

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 22/06/2019 12:33

I think maybe I should just meet with him and ask him face to face for closure...

Why bother? He's a weak, pathetic excuse for a man. He can't even muster up the balls to call you, and actually ghosts you for days to avoid conflict. Don't lower yourself by pandering for some bullshit "closure."

Soola · 22/06/2019 12:35

He’s saying,

It’s not me it’s my mental health...

Translated to -

I’m too cowardly to pack you in directly so I’ll just act like a flake until you’ve had enough.

Original poster
JR3977 · 22/06/2019 12:36

Thanks Aquamarine- this is definitely helping. Think I just needed to hear from someone else that he’s not worth stressing over any further!..

OP posts:
Mousella · 22/06/2019 12:41

You’ve only been seeing him a couple of months so I think it would be odd to ask for closure. I get it hurts now but the thing that will make you feel best about the situation in the long run is to send him a breezy text back wishing him well and then moving on.

Original poster
JR3977 · 22/06/2019 12:45

True it has only been a few months but it was fairly intense and we’ve opened up a lot to each so it just feels strange for it to end by text. I came out of an awful relationship a year and half ago and maybe this has made me more sensitive though...

OP posts:
rritchie44 · 22/06/2019 12:57

He sounds very immature. Also it’s the classic loving the chase. Now he’s confident he has you you are not so alluring. Take back the power by removing yourself as an option. You will feel much more empowered if you end it. Don’t be surprised if he has a change of heart when he realises you feel you can do better.

Rickandportly · 22/06/2019 13:01

Reply,

“Oh piss off then you twat”.

Or don’t. But I would. I hate being messed around like that. He sounds spineless - either you want to see someone or you don’t.

Original poster
JR3977 · 22/06/2019 13:06

Haha! Wish I could say that! It’s frustrating that I was the one who was unsure to start with and he was coming on a bit too strong. Perhaps I should have gone with my initial instinct. I think him mentioning the depression thing threw me off a bit too and I ignored warning signs...

OP posts:
beepbeeprichie · 22/06/2019 13:07

Send a text back along the lines of oh well that’s a shame, take care and then BLOCK AND MOVE ON!!
Learn from the mistakes of mumsnetters like me who wasted many a month giving far too much headspace and slack to men who did not deserve it. Someone like this will trap you in a pattern where the good times seem absolutely great because the bad times happen far too often and you are in a constant state of uncertainty.

I’ve encountered several men who behave like this- really full on so that you feel super loved and happy, then begin the ghosting.
I am sure you can do a lot better OP!!!

bumpertobumper · 22/06/2019 13:09

There are some harsh responses here, showing no compassion for a man with depression.
Getting into a relationship is scary, it is not unreasonable for anyone to take a moment, check i with them self, need a few days to figure out where they're at, especially if struggling with mental health issues.

He is trying to let you know that he is having a moment, knows that is hard for you to hear. Maybe he doesn't want to carry on with the relationship but you won't know unless you speak to him.
Communication is essential for a relationship to work, dont second guess what he is thinking - ask him and tell him what you are thinking and feeling.

Original poster
JR3977 · 22/06/2019 13:10

Thanks beepbeeprichie. I will definitely have learn from this and stay away from the full on ones!

OP posts:
over50andfab · 22/06/2019 13:11

The needing space is fair enough. The assumption that you will not feel great is rather odd - testing you? Getting a message like that would immediately stop me from sharing how I feel to any guy.

I’d just reply that you are both obviously n different places and wish him all the best. And as he didn’t bother doing it in person I don’t think you should either.

Sorry OP Flowers

Original poster
JR3977 · 22/06/2019 13:13

Thanks bumpertobumper, I do care him even though it’s only been 3 months. I would be willing to be there for him if it is that he’s feeling down at the moment, if he opened up a bit. Should I ask to meet up with him?...

OP posts:
Original poster
JR3977 · 22/06/2019 13:16

Thanks everyone. This is the first time I’ve posted on here and they’re have been so many sympathetic and helpful replies

OP posts:
Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 22/06/2019 13:17

No he's trying to let you down without actually having to say it.
Just text back , take care and then forget it.

justilou1 · 22/06/2019 13:18

Honestly, sometimes with some men I think depression is a code for self-absorbed. You may have had a lucky escape.

imnotcheryl · 22/06/2019 13:25

A hard time getting used to seeing someone? Someone he pursued?

No op, definitely don't try to meet up with him. He's trying the 'it's not you, it's me'. And it is him, him being a twat.

babbi · 22/06/2019 13:28

Move on and take care of yourself..
You will be happier x

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