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Original poster

" I can't be on my own"

26 replies

Justathinslice · 22/06/2019 08:35

Would you consider dating someone who openly says this?
A friend and I had a disagreement about this. She says it's just normal, I say I wouldn't want to be involved with someone who can't be on their own, and would potentially use someone else for company.

Your thoughts?

OP posts:
DrinkSangriaInThePark · 22/06/2019 08:37

No way. I would wonder what their issue was and why they can't be comfortable with themselves and I would also find it incredibly annoying and intrusive of they insisted on spending every moment with either me or others.

AuntieMarys · 22/06/2019 08:38

Not a chance. Potential to be controlling. And I can't bear needy people.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 22/06/2019 08:41

Not in a million years. Not if you paid me all the money in the world.

ExpletiveDelighted · 22/06/2019 08:43

I couldn't cope with that, I spend quite a lot of time on my own and like doing so (more importantly having the ability to choose to be alone).

marvellousnightforamooncup · 22/06/2019 08:44

It's not healthy. No, I wouldn't.

Sigh81 · 22/06/2019 08:44

That would drive me insane. I like my own company and my suspicion is that the kind of person who said that would be constantly trying to interrupt your time alone or bombard you with texts or calls.

FinallyHere · 22/06/2019 08:44

And it's a no from me, too.

Chancewouldbeafinethlng · 22/06/2019 08:46

No, we wouldn’t be a good match. I enjoy my own company too much so it inevitably become an issue

Krisskrosskiss · 22/06/2019 08:48

Well it depend how both people in the couple feel! I like to spend a lot of time with my partner in a relationship so hearing that woukd not necessarily put me off....
If it was coupled with controlling things like jealousy, needing to know where I am all the time etc then I would have a problem with it.
But if it was just that they meant they preffered to spend a lot of time together then i wouldn't mind that because i do too.

If you are someone who likes to fo their own thing a lot and needs a lot of space then yes, I'd not date someone who said that because that sounds like a recipie for disaster!

There is no 'normal'... everyone is different and conducts their relationships differently. If your friend is someone who wants to spend a lot of time with her partner and thinks thats fine then that's up to her.

Original poster
Justathinslice · 22/06/2019 08:56

Sorry, I should have been clearer...

I meant someone who can't be single- needs to be in a relationship.

Not necessarily someone who needed company constantly Grin

OP posts:
FionasWineShow · 22/06/2019 08:58

Completely repellent from a life partner.

And you'd leave yourself ripe for abuse from the wrong type, if you made it known.

cranstonmanor · 22/06/2019 08:59

No, I feel that my partner needs to know how to be single and content. If you can't be happy on your own then I don't want to be in a relationship with you. A relationship should bring something extra to your life, not solve some kind of personality problem.

Krisskrosskiss · 22/06/2019 08:59

Ah well I can see where you are coming from with the worrying that they might just get together with someone they didn't really like just so they weren't single.... but it depends how they meant it. If they were just sort of joking but really meant that they seemed to always be in a relationship and liked it that way... then I'd not be so bothered... but if they seriously meant that they would panic if they found themselves single then I would worry that they'd get together with anyone.

ErrolTheDragon · 22/06/2019 09:01

Even with the clarification, still a 'no'.

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 22/06/2019 09:03

I prefer my own company, most people have something about them that annoys the living shite out of me.
Last person I dated had a strange 'Haw' noise when they laughed. Before that they said 'Apparently' as a response to everything,
"Tesco sells bread"
"Apparently"
"The menu has Linguine on it"
"Apparently"
"You're a fucking dildo"
"Apparently"

I don't think I'm designed to be with people tbh.

Fatted · 22/06/2019 09:03

Nope nope nope!

MrsCollinssettled · 22/06/2019 09:05

No. If you have to be in a relationship you are likely to make poor choices and set yourself up for future problems.

BitchQueen90 · 22/06/2019 09:06

No, never.

That type of person depends on other people for their own happiness and I think that's unhealthy.

I've been single for 5 years, I'm very secure with myself and I would assume that someone with that attitude is not secure at all.

Fairylightsandwine · 22/06/2019 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SystolicSyster · 22/06/2019 09:07

No. I don't mind a bit of needy - we all have needs, right? But one of mine is to have space and time for myself and not constantly have to be around someone.

HerBigChance · 22/06/2019 09:08

Yep, this just screams insecure and potentially controlling. You would end up being their sole source of entertainment.

Jiggles101 · 22/06/2019 09:09

God no way, I'd run a mile!

The ability to be content and complete on ones own is such a gift and a strength everyone should work towards, as the alternative can lead to bad choices and being stuck in terrible situations.

RockinHippy · 22/06/2019 09:17

Nope, been there, done that & it didn't end well, plus I have male friends who are like this & se the damage they unwittingly do over the years. I'd run a mile & fast!

Original poster
Justathinslice · 22/06/2019 10:25

Nope, been there, done that & it didn't end well, plus I have male friends who are like this & se the damage they unwittingly do over the years

I agree!! I've also seen ( and been on the receiving end of) people who are with someone else for security- the other person falls in love, and ends up deeply hurt.

The ability to be content and complete on ones own is such a gift and a strength everyone should work towards, as the alternative can lead to bad choices and being stuck in terrible situations

And this too.... very well put.

Thanks all, I was just wondering if I was being too judgemental....

OP posts:
underthebridgedowntown · 22/06/2019 10:41

Nope, run a mile! There's a big difference between "can't be on my own" and "prefer to be in a relationship"