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Original poster

Has anyone been able to get DH to take more photos?

48 replies

SinkGirl · 21/06/2019 21:57

Since our twins were born, we’ve started making photo cards for mothers / fathers days, birthdays etc.

On father’s day I went through all the photos I’d taken of him and the boys over the last year (hundreds) and had at least 30 really lovely ones to choose from.

He made me a mother’s day card featuring the only two photos he’d taken of me with the boys all year (one with each of them).

I’ve brought it up with him before, he says he just doesn’t think of it but will try to take more. Never happens though.

I lost my mum the year before the twins were born and photos of her, and especially the two of us, are so important to me. I just feel like the boys will grow up and I just won’t be in any of their photos which makes me really sad.

There are way more photos of my mum and I together when I was a toddler than of me and the boys and back then you had to carry a camera and get film developed - he has a camera in his pocket the whole time!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not photogenic, I don’t particularly like how I look these days, but I know my boys won’t care how I look when they’re older and looking back.

DH is awesome in most ways, but this really gets to me.

Is it just me?

OP posts:

HerRoyalNotness · 21/06/2019 22:00

Not just you. I stopped taking pics of him in return. Why should I if he doesn’t? Now I’ll say here, take a pic, it then means we don’t have any of the nice mum playing with kids candid shots. Now my oldest is 12 I’ve been asking him to take pics for me and he does a better job than his father

drspouse · 21/06/2019 22:05

We're the opposite, DH is quite into photography and takes lots of me and we have none of him.
Even worse is getting one of all of us!

Original poster

SinkGirl · 21/06/2019 22:14

I know what you mean notness, but then I think it’s sad for the boys if they have no photos of either of us with them so I still do it!

God, I think the last photo of all us was taken in 2017, for a newspaper I particularly dislike (didn’t know that at the time or I wouldn’t have done it!) - but they are lovely photos at least 😂 Took a selfie yesterday with both boys as miraculously they were both sat still and in my vicinity!

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Original poster

SinkGirl · 21/06/2019 22:15

(I am not generally a selfie taker - bleugh - but worth it!)

OP posts:

SnugglySnerd · 21/06/2019 22:17

Not just you. I worry that when the dcs are older they will think that only daddy did stuff with them as he's in all the photos. I've complained to no avail!

MissYeti · 21/06/2019 22:21

I have the same issue and so do most of my mum friends. We take a butt tonne of photos of each other with the kids because we understand that partners are generally bad at remembering to take photos. Is that an option for you?

moleeye · 21/06/2019 22:23

Same here!

He never thinks to take a photo. I have some really lovely snaps of him playing with the children, all careful and natural. I have to ask him to take one of me and they always look so artificial.

Pisses me off royally

moleeye · 21/06/2019 22:23

*carefree! Not careful 😂

Original poster

SinkGirl · 21/06/2019 22:26

Sadly not - at the moment we can’t go anywhere with our lovely friends (the boys are both autistic and I can’t take them out on my own these days, it’s not safe as they have no danger awareness).

Will have to keep on at DH I guess!

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BunnyJumps · 21/06/2019 22:28

This is one of my pet peeves. I have to ask Dh to take a photo of me. Even when I gave birth to both children, there is not more than one photo to choose from.

Clearly I am not the object of his affections!

zippyswife · 21/06/2019 22:35

Dh does this out of spite I’m sure. Any time I ask him to take a photo he huffs and eye rolls. It’s really mean I think. And something I’ll never forgive him for as you don’t get those moments back.

Dogsaresomucheasier · 21/06/2019 22:57

Yes, even though I hate photos of myself usually it does bug me. Sometimes I feel like I live in a social media/Mumsnet bubble that dh isn’t really in on and all these memes and reflections about modern family life and how to be a good human pass him by, while I get pissed off at his failings. It’s not healthy.

letstryanewone · 21/06/2019 23:13

Me and DS have millions of selfies together because I noticed this really early on.

I've just checked .. 540 selfies, 3 taken before he was born (he's 2) I don't look attractive in any of them but we look like we're having fun.

Maybe give up on DH and buy a selfie stick (I figure you need it with twins!)

Original poster

SinkGirl · 22/06/2019 06:38

Haha, yes - a selfie stick is definitely needed, my efforts the other day were tricky at best! It only has half my face but hey, all three of us are in it!

I definitely don’t think my DH does it purposefully, he’s generally lovely and is always telling me how much he appreciates me, how glad he is that I’m the person he had kids with, how lucky they are to have me, etc. But he’s not very thoughtful with some things and this is one of those things. In the grand scheme of things I can’t complain, and I think this is why I struggle to bring it up again because it will feel like I’m criticising him when really I just want him to get into the habit, like I have every time I see something that would make a nice photo.

We are possibly planning to a trip to the beach this morning and I just know it will be another time where we go and do something and there’s no photographic evidence I was there - at the moment trips out are rare enough as it is.

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IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 22/06/2019 06:42

Maybe he just enjoys spending time with you and your children without bothering with photos.

In the past, families probably developed four or five rolls of film a year, and half the pictures were probably crap. These days we take so many photos with our phones.

We're not big photo takers in general, and to be honest, I sometimes beg my friends to put their phones away because they've taken 30 or 40 photos in one afternoon.

myfingersarenotsogreen · 22/06/2019 06:46

My DH is the same, hardly takes any pictures. ( even though he is has a flash camera) He’ll spend hours taking a picture of grass or something but forget to take one of DCs blowing out their birthday cake candles!

I’ve just had to wait until the DCs are big enough to take them - DC2 is 3 now and does a better job than his dad.

userabcname · 22/06/2019 06:48

I take a lot of pics with DS as selfies (I appreciate with twins this must be a lot harder!). In all seriousness I would get a selfie stick and get snapping! Or if you're all playing together put your phone / camera on the side and set the timer to take a few pics? And definitely ask your husband to take a few; maybe if you keep asking he will get into the habit of it.

Original poster

SinkGirl · 22/06/2019 06:49

I think you’re being a bit unfair there - I’m not expecting him to take 30-40 photos in an afternoon, but a happy medium where he takes some photos would be nice. I’d be more than happy with 4-5 film rolls worth a year if I were in some of them with my children.

As I said, photos of me with my mum mean so much to me now she’s gone and my boys are 2.5 already and I can think of less than 10 photos of me with either of them since they came home from nicu.

I’m not asking him to have his phone out all the time but to think about it and bother to take a photo if he sees a nice moment. He kept going on about how lovely the photo is of him and the boys I used on his father day card, and it is - like I say, he had literally two photos of me and the boys that he’d taken all year, both of which I asked him to take at the time.

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IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 22/06/2019 06:51

sink I didn't imply you were asking him to take 40 photos in a day.

Personally, I just don't really see the value in photos, I suppose. I never look at them really.

If you want more, that's fine, but maybe you'll just have to get used to asking him every time instead of expecting him to read your mind. Not everyone cares about photos.

Original poster

SinkGirl · 22/06/2019 06:51

I’ve just had to wait until the DCs are big enough to take them - DC2 is 3 now and does a better job than his dad.

Unfortunately I think we are a long way from this - at present they have no concept of what a photo is and don’t understand any words except their own name (oh, and breadstick!). Life is pretty tough and looking back at photos of them in their happy moments with their dad is so lovely, but it makes me feel like there are no happy memories with me for them to look back on one day. It’s a bit depressing.

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Giraffeinabox · 22/06/2019 06:53

Ive been thinking its just me for ages!! I have to tell DH to take a photo and by that point, the moment has passed. I keep telling him though!

Original poster

SinkGirl · 22/06/2019 06:54

But he does care because he loves the photos I take of him and the boys. They mean something to him. But he doesn’t seem to see the value in doing the same for me, which is a bit hurtful.

I will bring it up again.

I never used to be a big photo person either but going through the giant boxes of family photos after my mum died was so lovely and even the photos where she looks knackered and half her head is chopped off and I’m grubby make me happy. There’s memories recorded there that I don’t remember other than through those photos.

OP posts:

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 22/06/2019 07:01

So just ask him every time you want a photo taken.

I'm not sure why it's a big deal, you can't force him to think like you.

Soosiesoo · 22/06/2019 07:06

Urgh yes mine is the same. I find it extremely irritating and I'm constantly having to ask but then made to feel like I'm being vein for asking.

There are no photos of me holding my 2nd DD in hospital after having her and it makes me really sad. Loads of him cuddling her though.

If he does take some (having been asked) I never see them as they just remain on his phone and I have to keep pestering for them. Which again, makes me feel like I'm being vein.

It sounds really petty on the surface but it really upsets me.

He's constantly taking pictures of the garden and lawn and other work he's done in the house though 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

SinkGirl · 22/06/2019 07:19

You’re really determined to make me out to be unreasonable aren’t you, iamalwayslikethis despite the multiple PPs saying they have the same issue, and explaining why having to ask for photos to be taken isn’t the same and doesn’t have the same result.

I don’t expect him to think like me whatsoever. It’s something I’ve learnt to do for the sake of my kids and for him, so can he.

OP posts:

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