be honest- how often do you shout at your DCs?

[beclev24]

I probably shout at one or other of my DCs about once every week or so. By shouting I don't mean long strings of expletives or whatever but losing my temper and snapping eg "STOP DOING THAT RIGHT NOW!" or similar when they are being annoying- (not counting when they are doing something actively dangerous like running into the road or something). My DC are pretty full on- 3 very active and boisterous boys. Am I more shouty or less than most parents?

I shout like that at my nieces and nephews occasionally. Sometimes they just won’t do as they’re told and there’s only so many times you can ask nicely without getting firm.

Every morning I end up
Shouting.

Hmm I wonder what shouting is to you and what it is to me? I raise my voice everyday with my children. Shouting to me is losing your temper which I do everyday mainly because my dc (10 and 7) don’t get along. They do love each other 🤔 but they clash big time. They constantly wind each other up. There’s a huge difference between a parent who shouts and rages at their child and a frustrated doing their best parent

I don’t shout or raise my voice, never needed to punish either.

Pretty sure dc is saving it for the teen years... .

apengting Your children never fought, broken rules, answered back or broke anything? I’ve never shouted at my dc for those things but I’ve certainly raised my voice!

I've probably only properly, angrily bellowed at mine three or four times in 16 years, but that's because I have a fear of angry shouting. My mother could literally scream and rage for an entire weekend, it was terrifying. And she was violent too, so proper lost-it shouting feels violent to me (I know it isn't, in a loving and trusting family).

My two tell me they would rather be shouted at, or even hit, rather than the "endless talking" dh and I inflict on them when we are displeased. And taking away phones for misbehaviour is an abuse of their human rights. Grass is always greener!

I used to raise my voice most days. I grew up in a shorty household and I didn't really know other ways to get compliance.

But, after reading about the effect of it and seeing how much my kids hate it I made a big effort to stop. It took a couple of years to really make a difference, though. And some of it was just that they got older and their age appropriate behavior was less likely to require quick correction. I'm not perfect with it. I still do occasionally, but now it's probably 3-4 times a year.

Thee are worse things in life and I think shouting to get a move on, etc. is at the very mild end of it. But kids who get shouted at report being as unhappy as kids who get hit. Which just wasn't what I wanted for my kids.

*shouty household, not shorty!

Your children never fought, broken rules, answered back or broke anything?

I only have one but there’s been no fighting with cousins or other children, never broken anything on purpose (can’t actually remember the last time anything was broken. Answering back only so much as “noooo I don’t want to go to bed yet”, I’ve never needed to punish or shout for that.

I think I’m just very lucky to have a child who likes calm and order.

apengting you wanna swop children? 🤣

Certainly not! I stopped at one for fear the next would have 666 on the back of its head.

At least hourly through the day but her saving grace is she sleeps well at night !

Most days. I try not to but once I've asked nicely twice I get pissed off and raise my voice which usually works (annoyingly)

The one thing that makes me shout is their constant bickering with each other. It's literally incessant. I tell them both to stop, there will be silence, then one will mutter ' but they're an idiot' and it all starts again. It would try the patience of a saint.

formerbabe I can relate to that. My two mutter under their breath as I’m leaving the room and all hell breaks loose again 😩

Rarely when very young, hardly ever now he's 15.

I'm an slightly older mum (had him at 36) and generally patient and calm in a crisis (learnt over years of dealing with critical incidents at work), he is an only child so I don't need to make myself heard over anything else and he's always either naturally been fairly compliant or responded to time out etc delivered calmly.

I actually worry sometimes his is too compliant and he gets taken advantage of by friends because of his good nature and wont stand up to challenges in the workplace.

Ds 17 about once/twice a week, dd 12 once/twice a month when she's due on a being a stroppy cow

I think DS10 has been shouted a handful of times in his life.
The odd times he has been he doesn't respond well and it becomes a major issue. He isnt a quiet/soft kid but he hates if he thinks we are angry or upset with him.
No doubt I won't be so lucky with the youngest DS.

My kids are actually freakishly well behaved in general, so I don't often have to tell them off etc. They are VERY LOUD, so often I have to shout just to be heard.
Dh is half-deaf, so h is indoor voice is most people's shouting; and his family also shout as me ans of communication. My ki ds did not like school at all because of the noise; they learnt to differentiate between angry shouting and 'my family are hard of hearing' shouting.