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Original poster

Walking with a toddler in a carrier - reassure my DP?

39 replies

SarahAndQuack · 19/06/2019 22:24

My DD is two, and I want to go on a walk with her. It's a work-related event I'd really like to participate in, and we'd be walking about 3 miles. Obviously DD can't walk that far, and it is across some rough ground, so I've been advised I can't bring her pushchair. When DD was a bit younger, I used regularly to carry her in a sling and walk the 5 mile round trip to her nursery, but she's now outgrown our front-facing sling and all the alternatives seem to be backpack-style carriers.

The difficulty is that my partner really worries about this. She is frightened that if DD is on my back, and if I fell, she could get badly hurt. I've showed her some evidence that falling backwards is quite rare, and we've looked at carriers that are really sturdy, but she is still very anxious.

What I want to know is: 1) did you, honestly, also feel nervous in this situation, and if so, did you/how did you get over it? and 2) is there any solution we've not thought of, for getting a toddler over this walk?

OP posts:
AbbyHammond · 19/06/2019 22:27

I would never have carried a baby in a front facing carrier as far too nervous about falling with them, but I can't recall ever falling flat on my back.

UterusUterusGhali · 19/06/2019 22:31

No. Not at all. 3 miles is not far.

I've run up hills with dd on my back and walked for hundreds of miles with a carrier and never once slipped or fallen. Obviously be careful going downhill and hold onto banisters etc, but it felt much safer than a front carrier. They can be quite nicely padded and have a wire frame.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 19/06/2019 22:33

We took DD on a walking holiday in the lake District when she was a similar age, 3 miles will be fine

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MaidofKent78 · 19/06/2019 22:34

My husband carried our son up and down a very steep volcano in Iceland, and up and down Snowdon in a back carrier (one of the framed ones) amongst many other walks without problems . It'll be fine.

AuntMarch · 19/06/2019 22:36

I used to do a mile just on my dad's shoulders to get to his mum's house for Sunday lunch

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 19/06/2019 22:36

Thanks all. Smile

OP posts:
MustardScreams · 19/06/2019 22:37

Dd (2.5) spends most of the time on my back in a backpack carrier as I don’t drive and it’s a 5 mile round trip to nursery twice a day. Plus I have a bonkers cocker that needs about 20 hours of exercise a day (slight exaggeration) so dd is in in when knackered then also. I’ve never fallen on my back in the whole time I’ve been an adult, apart from when iceskating, so avoid ice rinks.

You will both be absolutely fine.

hookiwooki · 19/06/2019 22:39

You're more likely to fall forwards than backwards. And also more likely to fall if you're thinking about falling, because you second guess your own ability to walk safely.

Sturdy footwear, maybe think about hiking poles. Go for a back carrier because you can see where your feet are. Make sure you plant your feet firmly on uneven ground. You're going to want to lean forward going uphill and at a very slight forward angle downhill.

Take sturdy footwear for her because she might surprise you. And plenty of fluids for you both.

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 19/06/2019 22:40

Does anyone have ideas about how to reassure my DP?

I am so grateful for replies reassuring me it'll be ok, but I can't help feeling she won't take them seriously.

Did anyone worry and then realise it was ok?

OP posts:
Stayawayfromitsmouth · 19/06/2019 22:44

Is your partner always this anxious about normal everyday things? Also your 2yo can probably walk 3miles by herself.

randomsabreuse · 19/06/2019 22:45

Framed carriers are way safer than soft slings if you do fall - they have a bit of rollover protection.

We barely used a pushchair and the limiting factor for carrying our DD was her patience - I would advise getting used to the weight as it will be tiring going straight into carrying a 2 yo rather than gradual build up. Also good to get used to change in balance - DD was a git for flinging herself around - not fun on a narrow path.

Back carry is way more stable than front - being able to see where your feet are really helps! Slings keep the weight closer to you, but also grabby hands have better access to ears and hair.

MigGril · 19/06/2019 22:46

3 miles isn't very far I used to do that on a daily basis with DS when he was little for the school run, there and back.

Although I had a lovely tula Toddler sling very comfy could carry him until he was about 5 years old in it.

I don't get the idea of the framed carriers as you have to add the weight of the frame as well. A toddler is heavy enough espicaly if you haven't been carrying them on a regular basis, you'll really feel it in the legs afterwards.

www.ethicalshoppingforbabies.co.uk/babywearing-baby-slings-carriers/tula-carrier-size-guide/

letstryanewone · 19/06/2019 22:50

I worry about pretty much everything but wouldn't have considered falling over (i don't use back carriers and i don't like not being able to see DS)

I would say reassure her but doing a walk now the 3 of you so she can see it's ok?

hookiwooki · 19/06/2019 22:53

OP, you can tell him that there are women all over the world carrying their children tens of miles every day in just a length of material, carrying out dangerous tasks. Pushchairs are commonplace here, but that's not the case everywhere. Have a look at some of the pictures on this page:

wrapyourbaby.com/cultural-babywearing/

JC12345 · 19/06/2019 22:59

We have a toddler connecta that we used occasionally for back carries until our eldest was about 3 and a half. Used it frequently when younger, much easier than pushing buggy.

RoomR0613 · 19/06/2019 23:02

Hookiwooki her.

I would try and see how much of it your DD can walk herself, I regularly do a 4 mile walk on rough ground with my 2.5 year old and she hops in and out of the (double) pushchair but most days she probably manages at least half of it herself. Would it make your partner feel happier if she knew that you weren't planning on carrying her the whole way? She could do the first bit and then chill out in the carrier for the last bit?

JassyRadlett · 19/06/2019 23:03

I’m curious about why she’s relaxed about front carrying, but nervous about back carrying?

Of all the times I’ve fallen over in my life, most have been forward. I can only recall one time I’ve gone flat on my back (rather than arse) and that was ice skating.

I wouldn’t ice skate with the baby in a backpack, sure.

Honestly, a baby carrier on your back doesn’t mess with your balance any more than a decent sized backpack would. The weight is distributed evenly and they are secure in the carrier which is then securely attached to you.
It’s hard to know how to reassure your partner without knowing what’s driving this particular nervousness, as it doesn’t seem rational.

hookiwooki · 19/06/2019 23:14

RoomR0613 quite right. I'm a skim reader and just pick out key words, it's an awful habit.

Sorry OP! Has your DP worn your DD before? If not then she might feel more comfortable with the idea after giving it a go.

TazzaRazza · 19/06/2019 23:37

Volunteer to do a test run so she can see for herself that DD is fine and you're sure footed. Personally I prefer a soft carrier like a Tula to a structured carrier for a toddler. Maybe go along to the sling library and try the toddler carriers then go to the outdoor shop to try the framed carriers. 4 kids in and neither DH nor I have ever fallen with a kid on our backs. Really she'll be fine but you DP probably just needs to see for herself first.

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 19/06/2019 23:38

Is your partner always this anxious about normal everyday things?

Yes, very much so. She had bad PND, and it seems to be part of that.

Also your 2yo can probably walk 3miles by herself - This she definitely can't. I know she can walk half a mile without needing to be carried, and I wouldn't be surprised if she could manage 3/4 of a mile or even a mile, but I'm sure she couldn't walk 3 miles.

@randomsabreuse - oh, I can carry her quite a way in my arms. It's just hard work these days and I'd rather a carrier that let me relax and/or hold something else. I can certainly carry her for 3 miles, though - she's a tiny little light thing.

letstry - YY, good idea, I think I'll see if DP would come out with us for a quick walk elsewhere first.

@RoomRO613 - She already knows we do that sort of length walk with a pushchair for DD to hop in and out of. I've often done the nursery walk with DD's pushchair, and I usually let her walk bits and ride for bits It's just that this walk is over rough ground so I can't take a pushchair .

jassy - no, I don't know either! I think it's not that she doesn't understand falling backwards is less likely, it's that she worries that falling backwards, even if it is rare, might be really dangerous. But really useful to hear what you say about weight distribution.

hooki, she's not really worn her often, as she had a c-section and a rough recovery, so didn't get very into the sling. So you're right, that might be an issue! Thanks.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 20/06/2019 00:15

Would she allow her to travel by car? Compared to the (very low) risks of a car crash, the risks of being crushed by somebody falling backwards on you are infinitesimally small. Never heard of it happening and I come from a country where hill walking with children is very, very common.

jellyjellyinmybelly · 20/06/2019 00:21

I tripped with my DS in the backpack carrier on a steep mountain path. Instinctively fell forwards (off the path /down the hillside!!) rather than backwards I think as i was protecting him. Landed on my wrist, broke my wrist, ended up upside down wedged in undergrowth, baby still in backpack totally fine hanging out of the carrier, with the straps keeping him in place!!!!

So worse case scenario you'll protect your child and hurt yourself!!

randomsabreuse · 20/06/2019 07:23

The big plus of the rucksack carriers is that you can take stuff (nappies, wipes, layers, snacks, water) for you without a rucksack on the side the baby isn't...

I did hikes up to 15 miles with my DD in the rucksack carrier. Biggest issue was the number of sun hats that vanished!

BatFacedGirl · 20/06/2019 11:20

It's a total non issue that most people wouldn't give a second thought to. Your issue is dealing with your partners anxiety issues

Cookit · 20/06/2019 11:44

Also your 2yo can probably walk 3miles by herself.

Can most 2 year olds walk 3 miles??

My 3 year old DEFINITELY cannot.