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Original poster

He’s threatening court again :(

75 replies

Breastfeedingworries · 19/06/2019 00:17

I’ll keep this brief, please can someone hold my hand and say it will be okay :(

Basically I have 6 month old baby and not with the father, he’s been good and he’s massively committed. The problem is he wants more contact than I think she’s ready for. (If anyone remembers he threatened to take me to court to stop me breast feeding)

Now I have admitted I give formula and given it to him he wants full days every Wednesday, and every other weekend either Saturday or Sunday. At the moment he has 12:30 until 5 every Wednesday and every other weekend that time again either the Saturday or Sunday. I only breast feed in the mornings now but will he get this contact? Does anyone have any experience? I’m so scared because part of me would love a full day free but even after just 5 hours she so unsettled and not herself. Nothing consoles her, she’s miserable and seems so stressed being away from me. I said I’m happy after few more times when she comes back happy to increase it.

He also wants every other weekend soon he’s implied. I wouldn’t be happy with that contact for quite awhile.

It’s ended with more threats and attacks on me personally, and bombarding me with texts to the point I’ve said I’m blocking him, will speak through his Mum, am not stopping contact at all, but want his Mum or Dad to drop and collect. (They are able to do this)

So it’s a all down in a mess I can’t stop crying and shaking, he kicked off after Mother’s Day and now after father’s day :(

OP posts:
FagashJackie · 20/06/2019 02:44

If he is just threatening court, he's done that before. Take a deep breath. Agree to more contact hours when he can look after her properly.

Napssavelives · 20/06/2019 03:03

I hear you OP, I couldn’t think of anything worse than been separated from my baby. I’ve separated from my baby’s dad too and I’ve told the baby’s dad that he is welcome to come and visit the baby at the house when he is born however I will not be separated from my newborn. It would be distressing for the baby and distressing for me. Can you try mediation first? Try and avoid court.

Alicewond · 20/06/2019 03:11

@Breastfeedingworries your baby has been perfectly fine all the other times she’s stayed with him. But now the comments are against you for wanting to refuse him contact and suddenly he’s not experienced and abusive. Sorry but this makes me fell you only want encouragement (which you didn’t get) instead of facts you don’t agree with...

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep
Brot64 · 20/06/2019 03:29

I work in the legal field and I am in court very often albeit not as a judge and not only in relation to family law disputes. However, if such a case was brought before me and provided there was no substantial evidence of abuse, I would increase the father's contact hours. I can assure you, many in my field would arguably agree with me. The days of restricting contact of any parent based on unfounded concerns are long gone, particularly when it concerns parents who are very willing and capable to spend time with their children. But to answer your question, and as others have mentioned, it would be at the judge's discretion.

Original poster
Breastfeedingworries · 20/06/2019 03:31

He’s not experienced, but lives with his mum and Dad so I know they’re there. But that is a reason I’m not happy to increase time as I know I’m feeding her 9, 12 then 5. He’s only Abusive to me because he is frustrated I think. I just don’t want confrontation and stress. I’m happy to increase time gradually! That’s the thing, he just wants things his way now.

OP posts:
Brot64 · 20/06/2019 03:38

I would see a mediator before going to court. I understand your concerns but you say that he wants things his own way now, however, he could equally say the same about you, seeing as you are the inflexible party.

Alicewond · 20/06/2019 03:57

Look at it another way, he wants to see more of of children. Yet you won’t let him. Try to see it from both viewpoints

Original poster
Breastfeedingworries · 20/06/2019 07:23

I know he wants to see more of her, there was a good idea on here about increasing the time for her age. I might do that. But 30 mins extra per month.

OP posts:
SkintAsASkintThing · 20/06/2019 07:51

Well if you were only allowed to see the baby for 5 hours a week and the person she was living with was blocking you from adding on a poxy 2.5 hours I think you'd lose your shit as well. It sounds like he's quite rightly very frustrated. Not 'abusive'. Hmm

I actually hope he does take this to court, I don't think you'll like the result of it because you'll find he's entitled to far more contact than he's currently getting.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 20/06/2019 07:56

30 mins a month is a piss take and I wouldn't bother responding to that insult I'd just let the mediator get in touch with you to begin court proceedings.

Kez200 · 20/06/2019 08:04

I breastfed but was back at work at 3 months and both babies fine for 5 hours a day. We went away for whole days at 6 months. Again, fine. There's always adjustments required but babies are flexible and adapt especially once bottles are partly introduced.

You need to adapt too.

Dont restrict Dad too much. Its wonderful hes so involved.

cocomelon23 · 20/06/2019 08:10

30 minutes a month!! You are equal parents, why should he be grateful for a few extra minutes a month Hmm

Baby1onboard11 · 20/06/2019 08:17

You sound very selfish op, but I recognise it’s coming from your natural overprotective mothering instincts. He is the baby’s father. I have a 7 month old and as much as it would kill me to have nights away from him, there is no way I’d punish him by seeing his dad so little if we were to split. It wouldn’t just be at our house either. Your baby deserves to bond with their dad and will become more settled with them with more time. Of course the baby is unsettled with just 7-9 hours a week. That’s pathetic. I also work full time. Baby’s are fine.

If I was his friend, I would also encourage him to take you to court. You are both parents. It’s not your way or the high way. Your child deserves better than this. Your arguments don’t seem right either.. can’t hold the baby’s head right when feeding but you’ve said you feed the baby? If baby is on solids, they are holding their own head upright anyway. lots of babies are starting to sit too. You say seeing dad will mess up naps.. but people do leave the house too. That can mess nap times up if they don’t sleep in pram/car seat etc. So what?

This isn’t about baby at all, but about you being anxious. It’s natural to feel anxious when away from your baby. Imagine if the roles were reversed how you would feel seeing the baby you love so little

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 20/06/2019 08:19

If he went to court he would be given more hours. You need to bite the bullet and let him have them very soon.

He's her dad. Some dad have their children 50/50. You are allowing them enough time to bond, you have to do what is best for her in the long term. And that's a lot of time with her father.

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 20/06/2019 08:19

*not allowing

mrsmuddlepies · 20/06/2019 17:13

There are so many complaints on this site about fathers not being interested in their children and ex partners not paying regularly. The calls are always for fathers to do 50% of parenting. This thread shows how controlling some mothers are about their babies and don't really want the Dad involved at all.
Your ex will only learn to be a father by caring for his baby. He is with his parents who presumably have some experience of caring for children.
Try to be more reasonable and embrace the fact that he is trying to be a good father.

sideorderofchips · 20/06/2019 19:09

You are incredibly selfish.

DizzySue · 20/06/2019 19:24

The only way she will settle with him is if he gets to spend more time with her. In the nicest possible way you really need to get used to the idea. Stop fighting so hard, you are both dedicated parents if you learn to work together you could make an amazing life for your little girl.

Original poster
Breastfeedingworries · 20/06/2019 20:12

I keep reading articles about babies and young children being worse off if away from their primary career. Like statistics of babies who spend time away being damaged and having no concept of time and being stressed. I’m worried about being away from her for that reason.

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 20/06/2019 20:19

I've seen loads of research that supports Joint residency from a young age.

www.wealthysinglemommy.com/shared-parenting-research/

The internet will tell you what you want it to.

Bottom line is you're stance is unreasonable. Compromise fairly or he'll take you to court and get more time than you're comfortable with and you won't get a say.

SkintAsASkintThing · 20/06/2019 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sheshootssheimplores · 20/06/2019 20:25

OP I hear you. That sounds so difficult. If someone had tried to take my 6 month old away from me for overnights and full days I would have probably been wheeled into a psychiatric unit. I was so bonded with both my children as infants that would have been the quickest way to have damaged my mental health irretrievably. I know some women cope very well though.

Surfingtheweb · 20/06/2019 20:29

She's his daughter too, you're not together & her life is going to be shared between you. You should let him see his daughter more. He's not asking for 50/50 and to be honest he could. Some babies go into nursery all day 5 days a week. I think you need to accept he's her dad and he & her have a right to time together & to form a proper bond.

Kez200 · 20/06/2019 20:35

These issues arise when parents are separate and you have to work together to be fair. You are the only parent able to breastfeed but, in all other respects, you are both equal.

You have to let your baby's Dad have more time.

Stop making excuses and trawling the Internet for ideas for excuses. If you are going to find it hard, work out coping strategies: avoidance isnt one!

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 20/06/2019 20:42

You might have been better off posting this in relationships OP.

I know you’ve said you offered little and often and he refused it, but would he accept an extra afternoon a week? And it definitely sounds like you need to get a 3rd party involved for handover or do handover in a public place.