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Original poster

Woman in work being horrible

45 replies

Tedsmum2017 · 18/06/2019 21:05

Hi Ladies,

I'm new here so please bare with me.

I started a new job in February which the work is easy enough and majority of people are nice apart from this one woman.
She keeps saying horrible things to me (well not saying shouting across the room) with other co workers there who laugh at what she says for example.....
A guy was leaving last week so as I was leaving for the evening and said keep in touch. So she shouted across the room "dont worry he won't"
Another occasion there was a bake off competition at work which you had to score all the bakes she said "You are LOADS of cake" she said it about 3 times to different audiences. I'm a big girl but is there any need for it?!?
Another time "Is there anything right with you you've got everything going" because I'm disabled and with it has come a load of other problems.
Im 32 she's in her 50's
What would any one of you do with this situation it's making me want to leave.

TIA
Tedsmum

OP posts:
Molly333 · 18/06/2019 23:10

I think it may be worth nipping it in the bud and talking to your manager also diary the comments

navteexo · 19/06/2019 19:07

I would definately speak to the manager about it and put in a complaint against her. No one should be making you feel this way. I have a colleague who never fails to say something stupid everyday, but it goes in one ear out the other. Your situation does sound a lot worse and she shouldnt be disrespecting you like that. Does she do it to other people too?

JustMe9 · 19/06/2019 19:09

Maybe she just finds it "funny". You should talk to HR about her

Original poster
Tedsmum2017 · 19/06/2019 19:39

Hi ladies,

No she doesn't do it to anyone else just me and she seems to get a laugh from other people about it so she does it on purpose.

She's said lots of other things to me that I cant remember due to the amount of meds I take. I didn't know if I should just have it out with her and ask her what her problem is? I'm not really a confrontational person.

Luckily a job has come up on another contract in the same room I'm currently in but working with different people. I'm think I'm going to apply for it so she has no need to speak to me.

I don't know any other solution.
Thanks ladies xx

OP posts:
Lipz · 19/06/2019 19:43

Punch her in the face.

Or what you could do when she says something is stop what you are doing, stare at her, hold your side and do a mental loud laugh and say you're SOooooooooooooooooo funny, then stop laughing immediately/suddenly and continue on with what you are doing.

spanishwife · 19/06/2019 19:59

Speak to your manager in this situation I think. Doesn't have to be a big serious discussion, just ask for a word and say it's bothering you and ask for advice on how best to deal with it and if they can support.

Original poster
Tedsmum2017 · 19/06/2019 21:14

I'm tempted to punch her in the face believe me I was like that in a former life not so much since becoming disabled.

She seems so popular with everyone but I think that's because they're too scared to be her next target.

Thanks Ladies xx

OP posts:
Likethebattle · 29/06/2019 14:16

Just stare at her and ask ‘what do you mean?’ Every time and keep asking if she’ll tie herself in knots and sound like a fud.

PepsiLola · 29/06/2019 14:59

"Do you mean to be so rude?"

What a bitch and a nasty bully

Likethebattle · 29/06/2019 17:40

If she’d said u had loads of cake i’d Ask why she was keeping track them day ‘ooh I’ve got a stalker!’ Each time she commented on something about me i’d Say ‘god stalking me again Janet, why are you so obsessed with me?’

sackrifice · 29/06/2019 17:44

Every time she says something, stop, get out a notebook [that you take home each night], write down the date, time, who was there and word for word exactly what she said.

When she asks what you are doing, state 'I have been advised to record every instance of bullying'. and say no more.

If she keeps going once you have 5 instances recorded, have a meeting with your manager and HR, and put a formal grievance in for discrimination in, if you have a disability this will have to be actioned on.

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 29/06/2019 21:46

Can you turn it back on her with the "what do you mean?" line?

Ie when she says you're loads of cake, act confused and ask what she means. Repeat yourself if necessary, like "sorry, I really don't get it, please can you explain it to me?" If she starts stuttering and mumbling say (with a big smile) "OOOOH! You're making fun of my weight and saying I'm fat, is that right?"

It doesn't always work but when a bully has to outright explain they're bullying you in a room full of people they usually look the fool, not you.

Also keep a log of everything she does. People like this try to kill you with a thousand cuts. When you report one off incidents you're made to lol unhinged and petty but if you have it all down there is no denying she has a vendetta

Original poster
Tedsmum2017 · 25/07/2019 12:46

Wow well bit of a slight update but need some advice.
I've been off work with a bad chest infection for the last 5 weeks.
I noticed last week that this woman had unfriended me on Facebook I'm really not bothered by it good riddance I say!!
I returned to work yesterday to non of the ladies on the floor talking to me. There a couple of guys they've been great.

I mentioned about this happening in my return to work today and my manager wants me to speak with the CSM about it tomorrow. I don't see much point cos they can't force them to talk to me not that I want them to either but she thinks it'll be a good idea to get it out.

What would you guys do?

OP posts:
AuntyMarysBigRedPants · 25/07/2019 13:09

Hmm sounds like she has history for being mean
Just tell them what's been happening, you shouldn't have to put up with this spiteful behaviour

LittleFairywren · 25/07/2019 13:12

She's bullying you. Write everything down and how it makes you feel and go to your manager and HR.

Soola · 25/07/2019 13:18

“Why don’t you like me? Since I’ve arrived you’ve gone out of your way to make immature and rude comments to me. I couldn’t care less if you like me or not but we’re here to work and if you can’t maintain a professional demeanour then I will have to speak to HR/Management about your unprofessional attitude and making our workplace an unpleasant atmosphere to be in”.

Say it loud and say it in front of everyone.

Bob5 · 25/07/2019 13:21

Yes bring it out into the open. You have nothing to lose if they are not talking to you anyway! And it is good to have it down in writing in the minutes.
Plus there may be a valid reason...cant think what but you never know!

Circe32 · 25/07/2019 13:32

She is a bully and her behaviour needs to be addressed. Speaking as someone who used to practise conversational responses on my drive to work and ended up suffering from stress from interaction with a workplace bully, I cannot recommend highly enough the relief that comes when you realise that you have tackled something like this.
As others have advised, make notes of comments and actions and then report to HR and follow it up to ensure action is taken. You have no obligation to confront this person face to face.
When this person's behaviour has been successfully managed you will also have the satisfaction of knowing that you might have protected other targets who may not be as resilient as you.
Good luck!

InOtterNews · 25/07/2019 13:58

Keep a log of instances so you're not under pressure to try and remember everything - will be easier for when you meet with HR/manager. Also acts as evidence. Ultimately she's bullying you - they need to manage her behaviour, not you.

EileenAlanna · 25/07/2019 14:17

Is it possible that she or one of the other women at work have seen your MN post & taken the huff because they recognise themselves & have seen what others think of their behaviour?
You've said nothing on here that would identify her & you've been incredibly restrained so you've nothing to worry about there.
Stick to your resolve to log any & all incidents & refer them to your manager/HR.

Cherrysoup · 25/07/2019 14:57

Do what @sakrifice says. If you're feeling up to it, when she makes another comment, say 'I know you think you're be funny, but you're actually being a bully. Hard stare, wait while she blusters/laughs/makes another comment. If she makes further comments, just say 'Like I said, bullying'.

She sounds like she's trying to get others to ridicule you and has probably been a real bitch while you've been away. Nasty insecure cow.

Crinkle77 · 25/07/2019 15:00

You need to stand up to people like that. I was going to say it's not worth speaking to the manager about until her comments about your disability. That's out of order.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 25/07/2019 15:06

Definitely bullying behaviour, your company should have its own policy to deal with this and follow it correctly. Definitely have a record of her comments and dates, and if you’ve raised it to your manager or colleagues.

Sorry you’re working with such a horrible woman !

NoTheresa · 25/07/2019 15:10

Bullying is totally unacceptable. Report her.

HaileySherman · 25/07/2019 15:14

Agree to knock her out, lol. No witnesses though. What a miserable bitch tho