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Original poster

Woman in work being horrible

45 replies

Tedsmum2017 · 18/06/2019 21:05

Hi Ladies,

I'm new here so please bare with me.

I started a new job in February which the work is easy enough and majority of people are nice apart from this one woman.
She keeps saying horrible things to me (well not saying shouting across the room) with other co workers there who laugh at what she says for example.....
A guy was leaving last week so as I was leaving for the evening and said keep in touch. So she shouted across the room "dont worry he won't"
Another occasion there was a bake off competition at work which you had to score all the bakes she said "You are LOADS of cake" she said it about 3 times to different audiences. I'm a big girl but is there any need for it?!?
Another time "Is there anything right with you you've got everything going" because I'm disabled and with it has come a load of other problems.
Im 32 she's in her 50's
What would any one of you do with this situation it's making me want to leave.

TIA
Tedsmum

OP posts:

Kanga83 · 25/07/2019 15:28

I would make a formal complaint, and go down the disability discrimination route. You say it's just to you and you have illnesses/disability. I think you are more than justified in perusing that line and your HR manager have no choice but to act on such a claim.

Shadow1234 · 25/07/2019 17:01

I agree with Kanga. Definitely go down the disability discrimination route. Your company will have to take this seriously. Are you in a union at all? If so, go to them and kick up a fuss, if not, straight to HR and start an official complaint. Do not let the bully get away with this.

Original poster

Tedsmum2017 · 25/07/2019 19:16

I'm not usually such a push over but this woman is the ring leader, she is all nicey nicey to everyone whip rounds for this that and the other. But she's just had it in for me and I honestly don't know why.

I thought that this place would be nice to work it's a small contact centre compared to the one I've just come from so thought it would be much better but it's far from it.

I don't think she would recognise this and be doing it more for that reason she's simply just a bitch. I've tried being nice but it's not got me anywhere.

Thanks everyone I thought it might just be me you've put my mind at rest xxx

OP posts:

sonjadog · 25/07/2019 19:22

I would go to the meeting tomorrow and follow this up through the official channels. I think it is worth giving it a go.

Original poster

Tedsmum2017 · 25/07/2019 19:59

Tbh some of the comments that my manager came out with made me feel uneasy.

Like I said to her, oh you didn't know I had come in when I did in the morning coz such and such just blanked me.
Her reply was - they must not of seen you.
I replied - they did they walked past me to go into the break room.

I also said this other lady ignored me and didn't offer me a brew which she usually does.
Her reply - she must of thought you didn't want one.
I said well how would she know if she didn't ask me.

Then this bit worries me
She replied - are you sure it's not just you being sensitive after you've been off and your still not well. You feel isolated.

Which I know I'm not imagining it I'm not stupid. Which is what I said to her.

It doesn't feel like she's empathetic to what's going on. I know her manager is lovely but I feel like I'm being made to feel like I'm making it all up when the lad next to me has witnessed it all today.

OP posts:

Kanga83 · 25/07/2019 20:17

If you feel uneasy, take a rep to the meeting and follow it up higher through HR. Ring ACAS, put them on notice you have done so and are not a pushover.

Original poster

Tedsmum2017 · 25/07/2019 20:21

Kanga I'm in the union but the place I'm at isn't a union shop it's part of a big french firm.

I just sort of feel that she was making excuses for them instead of trying to understand where I'm coming from

OP posts:

carlywurly · 25/07/2019 20:26

I'm in hr and I'd be horrified if an employee was telling me this kind of stuff. Your manager needs to take it seriously or face a potential discrimination claim.

Do not let this lie, it's totally unacceptable. Make notes on everything, particularly any digs relating to your disability. I'm so sorry you're having to do this. Acas are a great source of help and advice.

Kanga83 · 25/07/2019 20:48

Ring ACAS, notify HR. Even if not member of a union you can ring them and they will help. I used to work in employment law and this screams discrimination. You manager is rubbish, go higher and see HR.

GertyTheGert · 25/07/2019 22:44

I just hope you wont end up depressed over her. How anyone could say "she may have some excuse/reason.." What?!!!! If she is married ask her if her husband has a small cock which frustrates her so she takes it out on you (obvsly when on your own with the cow!!!) or if she is single and you have partner is there a v a g u e chance she is jealous? Or you are very pretty and she is jealous? The folk who laugh with her may be actually a tiddly bit frightened they will be the next victim if they dont laugh too.....Take a look at their faces to see if they look a bit ooh, glad it aint me who is the target ....... You may be surprised to spot this situ just a bit ...!!!!!

peachgreen · 25/07/2019 22:50

Hmm... I think you might be missing the wood for the trees a bit here, OP. Her comments about you eating cake and having lots of things wrong with you etc were definitely unkind and I don't blame you for being upset. But I don't think you can run to a manager if someone doesn't say hello or doesn't make you a cup of tea. I think picking up on small, insignificant things like that can make you less credible when you raise more serious issues, if you see what I mean.

Don't talk to anyone else at work about it other than your manager - you're an adult, rise above the gossip and bitchiness. Record anything serious like unkind remarks etc. Take that to your manager and make a formal complaint if you feel it's necessary.

GertyTheGert · 25/07/2019 22:57

Sorry this is part 2! I would say when you list the stuff, I wouldn't so much bother with the "Someone walked passed and blanked me" or "They didn't offer to make me a cuppa" - its the Cake comment, the No He Won't Keep In Contact type comments, the You Have Lots of Stuff Wrong With You etc - as you said she raises her voice to say them, thus other folk are there to witness them even if they deny. That is, it'll worm into their brains espec if management ask folk other than the bully and they look uncomfortable in front of management cos they know its all true. So select the witnessed comments and not the on-your-own-and-they walked-past stuff. I dont even know you and I feel like 20 angry birds!!!!!

GertyTheGert · 25/07/2019 23:00

Part 3 Sorry Peachgreen - me n u had the same idea at the same time! So we must be right!!!!!

Original poster

Tedsmum2017 · 25/07/2019 23:22

Thanks ladies

This evening I had to take my old girl the vet she became poorly very quickly. She didn't make it...how am I supposed to go to work with all this going on tomorrow. I just want to curl up and hide.

OP posts:

Happysummer2020 · 26/07/2019 00:15

You were off for 5 weeks with a chest infection?

ithinkiammelting · 26/07/2019 01:03

You were off for 5 weeks with a chest infection?

#Happysummer2020 the OP says she is disabled and has other health issues.

Ticklemeelmo · 26/07/2019 01:29

Your manager may take it more seriously if you hint that you could take it to a tribunal and sue for disability discrimination if not resolved and it comes to the point where you end up leaving as a result. Keep a written diary of every incident and what was said, also any emails sent regarding this issue. I would ring the ACAS employee helpline for advice, they are excellent.

ChristOnAScooter · 26/07/2019 02:00

@Happysummer2020 Chest Infections can cause lots of other issues, so what if she was off for 5 weeks?

@Tedsmum2017 so sorry to hear your news.

Original poster

Tedsmum2017 · 26/07/2019 09:17

@Happysummer2020 - Yes I had 5 weeks off mainly because I had no voice so unable to do my job. I did ask work several times was there any other duties I could do without using my voice. They advised me to stay home and rest. I've gone back to work but still my voice isn't great.

@GertyTheGert - I totally understand where you're coming from that's why I posted here to get advice so I was going about it all properly. I'm really not bothered about brews or them ignoring me just makes it a bit uncomfortable but I've been trying to get on with my work anyway. It's just petty out of grown women that's all.

I've took an emergency holiday today I only got 2 hours sleep last night, and I look a right state from crying so best I stay hidden for the day. Work have been ok about it under the circumstances.

Over the weekend I'll write up all the things she's said so it doesn't look like I'm the one being petty over a brew. I'll put the more serious stuff on it instead.

I just want to go to work in a nice normal environment with normal people, and get on with what I'm paid to do.

Thank you everyone for your advice I've took it all on board xxx

OP posts:

Kanga83 · 26/07/2019 13:46

Use today productively- call ACAS as soon as you can. They sometimes need a bit of time to look through your info before advising further. With your write up, stick to bullet points in a chronological order if you can, and stick to facts. If you need PM me, I'm not around tomorrow to read it but am this evening and Sunday. I won't give legal advice as a lawyer because I'm no longer in employment law, but will advise you of how best to proceed etc, a rep online if you will if you need.

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