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Want to change my name but I don't think many will support me

49 replies

DrPeppersPhD · 18/06/2019 21:04

I'm 19, and I've hated my name as long as I can remember. I love my mother's middle name, and would like to change my name to that but I don't think I'll get much or indeed any support from family and friends. They've all expressed distate for the name in the past, and my mum hates it with a passion. If I were to change I would probably keep my middle name and use my current first name as a second middle name. Wwyd?
And, before anyone asks, the name would be Elvira.

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 18/06/2019 21:17

People change their names all the time. Go for it!

Nooob · 18/06/2019 21:56

Only if you don't mind people calling you mistress of the dark ...

ohbutyoulovescarves · 18/06/2019 21:58

Elvira? What's your actual name?

DrPeppersPhD · 18/06/2019 22:25

My actual name is Hannah. Everyone I know says it's pretty, I hate it with a fiery passion.

OP posts:
Deadringer · 18/06/2019 23:04

You hate your name and you want to change it to your mum's middle name which she hates, and no one else likes? What if you change it but no one uses it?Do you like your own middle name, would that be an option?

Rashatash · 18/06/2019 23:06

Change it! Life is too short to put up with things you hate. In some cultures people change their name throughout their life, to coincide with various life stages.

Soola · 18/06/2019 23:08

I think it’s a bit insulting to your parents to change your Christian name.

I could understand it if it was something bizarre such as Moon Unit, but Hannah is a perfectly nice name.

GreenTulips · 18/06/2019 23:11

I think it’s a bit insulting to your parents to change your Christian name

Then you have no idea what you’re talking about

I’ve always hated my name, I hate sound of it, I hate how people say it and shorten it.

My mums always known I’ve hated it. I’ve asked her why she thought it was even remotely nice. It gets slated in here in the baby names section. I’m not surprised!

So yes, change it or try it out - it may take a while but people will get used to it

GrapefruitIsGross · 18/06/2019 23:15

I tentatively tried to change my first name at 19, and my boyfriend at the time laughed at me. So did my mum, out of hurt I guess.

I backtracked and it’s probably my only regret in life! Go for it!

MyInnerAlto · 18/06/2019 23:18

Hannah's lovely! Shock
Elvira I think is very dramatic, moody and quite 'heavy'. Is that you?

whitehalleve · 18/06/2019 23:19

You don't actually need anyone's support to do this. If it's what you really want just do it. If you change your mind you can change it again.

Soola · 18/06/2019 23:20

Actually I do know what I’m talking about because I had the same dilemma.

I didn’t like my first name but liked the shortened version of it. I hated my middle name which was the name of a famous singer.

So I legally changed my name at 19, sane age as the op to the shortened version of my name then moved the second part of my first name to be my middle name and got rid of the old middle name altogether.

That way my parents weren’t offended as such.

ZiggyB · 18/06/2019 23:20

You may want to start by introducing yourself to new people with your new name. Get used to that yourself and see how you go from there. You are young and have a lifetime ahead with your name so now is the time to change it. But it might be an idea to try it out first.

I changed my name slightly and my family and older friends still call me by my old name but people from the last 15 years or so call me by my new preferred name. So at least half of the people are calling me a name that I like.

Rashatash · 18/06/2019 23:20

Yeah Elvira sounds a little like the name of a shop or a catalogue for plus sized ladies. Which is fine but it may not suit you.

Soola · 18/06/2019 23:20

That stupid @ thing was meant for @GreenTulips

Chocmallows · 18/06/2019 23:25

You are you...If you feel Elvira is you then do it. One life and it's so short. If my DC change their names, have surgery to change their looks, live unusual lives I will back them if it's what they really want.

I'm mid 40s, office job, very regular life btw, I just would prioritise my DC choices over things like names.

IWouldBeSuperb · 18/06/2019 23:28

You may end up with 'Vera' as a nickname- would that bother you?

(Suppose it depends whether Duckworth or Wang spring to mind... Grin )

RaffertyFair · 18/06/2019 23:29

Changing your name if you hate it is a perfectly reasonable thing to do, but it might be hurtful to your parents who presumably really love it. I'm sure they would get over it though.

But to change to your Mum's middle name which she actively hates is unnecessarily hurtful. You have the world of names to choose from so why make a deliberately hurtful choice?

DrPeppersPhD · 18/06/2019 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chocmallows · 19/06/2019 00:00

Talk with trusted friends and try out Elvira/Ellie for a few months.

HeddaGarbled · 19/06/2019 00:11

If your name was hideous or weird, I’d say do it, but there’s nothing wrong with Hannah. Hating it “with a fiery passion” seems rather dramatic. Elvira/Elvera (you’ve written both spellings in different posts) sounds more like the sort of name most people would hate.

So what’s all this about? I don’t believe it’s really just the name. I think it’s something more. Wanting to be unconventional? Wanting to break away from your family? Feeling that there’s some expectation/stereotype around the name Hannah that you can’t or don’t want to match up to?

I do know people who have started to call themselves by different names, usually when they went to university or moved for work and had a completely new social circle to reinvent themselves in. Is that what you really want - a new identity for a new life?

RaffertyFair · 19/06/2019 00:11

I wasn't suggesting you chose the name to deliberately hurt your mum, just that it would be a consequence of choosing her middle which according to you she "hates with a passion". It's also a name others close to you dislike.

Elvera is a 'dramatic' sounding name, so it comes across that that this would be a dramatic gesture.

RaffertyFair · 19/06/2019 00:14

Oh yes - HeddaGarbled I'd missed the 2 spellings...Hmm

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 19/06/2019 00:30

Absolutely fine to change your name, however I do feel a bit sorry for your mum because you are changing it to her middle name which she hates,”with a passion” how would you feel if your daughter wanted to change her name to Hannah? a name that “you hate with a fiery passion” it would be a double slap in the face, rejecting the name she has given you and then calling yourself her name which she despises. Does it really have to be Elvera?

DrPeppersPhD · 19/06/2019 00:30

I am fairly dramatic by nature, perhaps that's why I like the name Elvera, I think it suits me a lot more than Hannah. Perhaps a bit of it is wanting to reinvent myself a little bit, I've definitely become more confident in who I am, and if I'm honest I don't really feel like I'm a Hannah. It's a lovely name, I like it on other people, but I hate it on me. To me, and to some PPs, Elvera (that is my preferred spelling btw, though I've toyed with both spellings) is dramatic, dark, sultry and slightly 1940s, which I think really suit me.
Perhaps something also comes from the fact that until I was 15 my mum only ever said my name when she was threatening to put me in care, or saying how she was going to kill herself because of me. I've moved past that for the most part, after a lot of counselling, but I still flinch inside when I hear someone say it.

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