Want to change my name but I don't think many will support me

[DrPeppersPhD]

I'm 19, and I've hated my name as long as I can remember. I love my mother's middle name, and would like to change my name to that but I don't think I'll get much or indeed any support from family and friends. They've all expressed distate for the name in the past, and my mum hates it with a passion. If I were to change I would probably keep my middle name and use my current first name as a second middle name. Wwyd?
And, before anyone asks, the name would be Elvira.

@BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo
I'd like to think I'd support her. As I say, I dislike it for various reasons but I can see why you would like it, and even like it on some other people. If being a Hannah makes her happier than whatever name I gave her, that seems fair enough to me.

I won't give a specific opinion on Elvira - obviously it is unusual and will command attention which would not be for me but it doesn't need to be. I changed my full name OP although from something boring to something equally boring 😁. I deliberated over it for years. Like you, hearing my birth name drummed up so many negative feelings that it did affect my life. I associated it with control and just knew I'd be happier removing it. Seeing it on letters bothered me, hearing my partner use it bothered me and made me feel like a child again.

Fortunately I timed it all with a cross country move and so avoided most of the awkwardness. I still use my original name around some people from home but all my documents and my new acquaintances know me as my adjusted name.

I am often acutely aware of the fact I did a 'weird' thing and as an otherwise completely sane well adjusted person I often feel ridiculous but ultimately am far happier for it and it is worth that. I think those who've been through it will get it and those who haven't will struggle to empathise. Mine sucked the life out of me when it got brought up. I didn't even care what it was changed to really, mostly it is nice to hear and see my name now and not feel estranged from it when I'm called it, which is jarring in a way most people just wouldn't understand.

Given your significant additional information, I would suggest that if you need to finally move on from such painful associations with your mother's use of your name, you should choose a name that holds no associan with your mother.

I can understand wanting to move away from a name which has bad associations for you. I really do get that, as myself I use a different version of my name as an adult to detatch myself mentally from an unhappy childhood (I too hate to hear my name).

Your choice of using Elivira raises questions for me. Why use a name so strongly linked to your mother if she caused you unhappines? Secondly, are you using a name she hates to send her a message or punish her for treating you badly?

I am not judging you, but just thought it a question for you to consider...are you really separating yourself from the painful past by doing this, or sending her an “up yours”?

I think that changing your name is perfectly reasonable, however would suggest a new name with no links to your family, and no connotations.

I’d agree with pp’s - changing your name isn’t an issue at all.

However, changing it to one of your Mums names, which not only dies she hates (so it appears that you are doing it out of spite) & who you associate with unhappiness, rejection & suicide threats (so not a healthy or positive association for you) seems a bit, for want of a better phrase, fucked up?

Also for anyone aged over 40 this is Elvira (& giving the name a ‘yoonique’ spelling won’t help - maybe visit the name boards to get an idea of the general perception of people deciding on those..):

*does (sorry, typing on phone)

Are there any other names you like that wouldn’t have negative associations for you or make you appear less like you are saying a massive ‘fuck you’ to your Mum,(and that you might regret less as you get older)?

Great posts from afonavon and chipsandgin - good points for you to think about, OP.

I understand the negative associations with your name due to your mother's use of it. I have the same thing (via different experiences from yours, which do sound horrible - I'm sorry to hear of them). I've also had brief ideas of changing mine. But it does seem a somehow double-edged gesture to change it to one of her names - it does seem as if you want to provoke a reaction from her somehow - possibly both punish her and reconnect with her?

Your name is yours (oh, and it is biblical - so your parents chose it with false assumptions, which might help you reclaim it a bit?) That's one of the good things about a fairly 'neutral' name like Hannah (mine is similarly 'neutral') - you can fill it with your own identity. Make it your own. That's the most powerful symbol. Look up some famous Hannahs - Hannah Arendt (to make one example) was a strong and extremely clever woman and important philosopher.

People Change their names all the time, don’t wait for permission just do it.
Stop responding to Hannah, people soon adapt. It only matters that you like it.

I do know who Elvira Mistress of the Dark is, and I kind of like that aesthetic, but on further reflection might not be the best at job interviews.
I'm not sure what other names have that similar dramatic, dark sound, other than Morrigan and I'm not sure that's any better. Only other name I could kind of picture myself with is Rosemary, but that's the name of another family member who she hates.

You make it clear that your mother has not been kind to you and that the relationship has been problematic.
So if you are trying to become more independent, why chose your mother's name, which you and your family will always associate with with her? Add in the fact that she has actively hates this name, and it makes your proposed name change all about her.
If you really feel you want to change your name, choose something without family associations.
Although I would say that I have noticed that people may ostensibly go along with a name change whilst slightly sneering. " Anna,I mean Georgie, or whatever she calls herself now". Be aware that some people might look on a change of first name as a red flag of instability and self conciousness. I'm not saying they're right, just something I've observed over the years.

I would choose a name that's not in your family but choosing names your mother hates it seems like you are trying to make a point even if you are not.

I support you OP.
I too hated my name, first and middle. The idea of a middle name didn't work for me, I didn't give DS a middle name either..I don't see the point.
I conquered it by removing my middle name entirely and strongly requesting that nobody shortens my first name.
It hasn't entirely taken away the hatred but it's done enough to appease it with minimal explanation every time I need to prove my identity.
When others find out I had a middle name that I removed they play a game of trying to work out what it was.
My DM, who I thought would be furious, actually showed little to no emotion apart from jealousy as she hadn't had the courage to do the same.

What's one persons trash is another persons treasure so you do you!!

A relative tried to change her name from her common first name to unusual middle name at 19 - it didn’t “take”, everyone just carried on calling her her original name. To be honest, I think she was trying it on similarly to you in a very young identity pondering way, and making what I consider to be the naive misunderstanding that you can’t be interesting with a ‘normal’ name. I studied at a top art college and met lots of very eccentric and talented people. You don’t need an interesting name to be interesting! Similarly, creative people don’t all express their creativity in their appearance.
My relative never mentions her name change now, and has an unusual nickname sort of derived from first name that all her pals call her.

It’s your name you are free to do as you please, I have legally changed my first, middle and surname (it’s not simon!).

There could be difficulties with choosing another name that is dramatic, dark sounding .

As pp said, you might think about whether you want people to react / respond to your name or to you as a person? Making a statement about being dramatic and dark may suit you right now, but may not be what you want when you older.

What is it you like about Rosemary?

It strikes me as a name I may love when young and in my late teens/ early 20s but I’d regret a lot later on.

What about names with a less dramatic change to the ear? Hazel, Helene, Henrietta, Haven, Hadria, Halei, Alana, Rihanna, Savannah, Ariana, Elena....

How about Avalon, Darcy (literally means darkness), Neoma (new moon), Piper, Macy, Phoebe, or even Lilith (although calling yourself after the queen of hell might be a bridge too far!)... all ‘dark’ sounding/witchy names but without the associations of Elvira?

I did consider Anna, but I want something very different to my name.
I love the witchy names @chipsandgin, a few characters are definitely getting called that, but I don't know if I picture myself as any of them. I suppose if we're going with non family names, Heather and Cassandra are both nice names, I do get called Heather a lot for some reason. I also really like Bethany and Charlotte, particularly if you shorten Charlotte to Harley, although my surname isn't Davidson so the effect is slightly ruined.

I think it's a bit twee, sorry.

I would associate it with the 1940s Blithe Spirit character.

This whole thing is getting a bit bizarre (Harley Davidson?) but if you were going to change it and actually have people call you the new name then really it needs to be something similar so Hannah/Heather etc

Otherwise I think you'll find people just carry on calling you Hannah and dismiss this whole thing as a phase or attention seeking.

I love the witchy names @chipsandgin, a few characters are definitely getting called that

what do you mean by characters?

You wouldn't be playing around would you OP ...? As Nessie said This whole thing is getting a bit bizarre (Harley Davidson?)

No, I'm not playing around, it is a geniune question. Harley Davidson just makes me chuckle, a friend of mine wrote a story where the main character went by Harley and her father was called David, it's tickled me ever since. Yes it's cringey but there we are. As for the characters remark, I'm also writer and I sometimes like to give my characters unusual names, the names you suggested weren't names I could see for myself, but definitely for a character in a story at some point.
However, if you think I've had you on you're welcome to look up my username (you probably already have) and try to find some inconsistencies in what I've told you.

Fair enough.

What about Imelda?

or Emelda?