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Original poster

If you don't/can't work, how do you fill up your time?

76 replies

Jellylegsni · 18/06/2019 15:23

I can't work due to health reasons (mental and physical). I haven't worked since having my child. She's been at nursery but part time and is due to start full time in school next September which will obviously leave me with a lot more time on my hands.

I don't know how to spend my days. I've got no real structure or routine as it is. I'm also limited on what I can do. I am unable to drive and I am not always fully mobile so sometimes I am stuck to sitting or lying down and not able to do simple things like basic housework. I've lost touch with friends and don't have much family, so rarely see anyone besides my DH and our daughter. I don't actually mind that. I don't feel lonely but I do feel I need something to occupy my mind and also to give me a sense of accomplishment or achievement.

Any ideas or advice or even just stories from people in the same boat? I think some of my issue is that I've been in this position for a few years now and my motivation and confidence is at a low.

OP posts:

BossAssBitch · 19/06/2019 16:43

Oh happymum you poor thing you really sound like you are not quite right, justifying your very lazy and benefit- scrounging life by telling yourself that if you worked you would be ‘obese, a mess and ignore the kids’ And I’m sure you would be

This ^ happymum you really don’t sound ‘quite right’ as illstart says

And I too am a size 8, look amazing

Same here, illstart and we have our dignity and self respect too

WaxOnFeckOff · 19/06/2019 17:21

And I would add, just because you are entitled to something, you don't have to actually claim it. Again a self respect and dignity issue. I don't want that statement confused with people who are in genuine need claiming. They should of course do just that, that's what the system is for. I'm also not saying that people on temporary benefits shouldn't have hobbies, holidays or occasional luxuries. And, people who are in such unfortunate circumstances that they will always require support should get enough from the rest of society to have a fulfilling life. There would be more money to ensure that this is the case if we could eliminate scroungers. Some people believe that the money comes from the government and is therefore fair game and don't understand that it is the rest of society, your friends, family ad neighbours that actually provide the money. Fantasies such as these being displayed on the thread get genuine claimants a bad rap.

Inis · 19/06/2019 17:27

I suspect happymum is a tragic wageslave counting her chins and fantasising, Walter Mitty-style, about her dream of a being a devil-may-care horsy gymbunny.

darkriver19886 · 19/06/2019 18:25

Out of work due to significant mental health issues. I attempted to volunteer but, got worse so have stopped.

I read
I maintain a blog.
I am trying to write a novel but, it's a slow progress.
I also game
And once a week I attend therapy which I pay for our of my PIP

WaxOnFeckOff · 19/06/2019 18:30

darkriver wot no ponies? :o (on a serious note, hope you feel better soon)

TwinsTrollsandHunz · 19/06/2019 18:35

The volunteering, you could do something like telephone befriending, if mobility is problematic. Lots of charities do it, Age Concern are one of the bigger ones. It could be something as small as one phonecall a week to get you started.

Happymum4ever · 19/06/2019 18:49

Lol. Check out the sums for 5 kids. I don't need to make anything up. What's unbelievable about horses and the gym? My horses are DIY livery and barefoot. Not that expensive. Why would I make it up

Happymum4ever · 19/06/2019 18:53

If I'd said craft and jigsaws and still life painting that would be ok? Because then I would be out of shape?

SleepingStandingUp · 19/06/2019 18:54

@Happymum4ever I'm more confused bwhy you're so proud of yourself? Have you ever worked? Are you raising to believe they're entitled to be kept by tax payers who can be bothered to work? What's your plan when the kids age you out of benefits?

"I don't work cos I can't be bothered but hahaha you lot all pay to keep a roof over my kids head" isn't something to massively be proud of

Blankspace4 · 19/06/2019 19:01

I think @Happymum4ever is a troll.

If not.....Roll on tax credit reform to means test the f*ck out of your lifestyle....looks like dear pony’s going to have to get a bullet to the head!!

FirstTimeDogParent · 19/06/2019 19:21

Don’t feed it. @Happymum4ever wants you to kick off re the tax credits and hobbies stuff. It’ll be fapping itself into a joyous frenzy, @Blankspace4

darkriver19886 · 19/06/2019 19:41

Alas no pony. Just one very fat cat.
@Happymum4ever you attitude doesn't help innocent people like me ...

AwdBovril · 19/06/2019 20:00

It sounds like you're in a very similar position to me. I really struggled at first, I'd always worked before, even during school holidays. I have appalling short term memory, so I make lists for daily & weekly tasks - if it's not on there, it's not getting done. Daily stuff - take medication, do dishes, laundry, put DD's school uniform out for the following day. I do housework based on the organised mum method - so I basically do one room or area per day. I add any shopping that I need to get, onto the list - it's divided into sections with a part for shopping. At the bottom of the list, is a section for general jobs I need to do when I have time & energy - currently it has such gems as "sort out the shed", "clean DD's hairbrush", "repot xxx plant", & "unblock overflow drain in the kitchen sink". Some of them get done pretty quickly, some... not so much. I'm seriously procrastinating over the kitchen sink issue!

I do find it helps me to remember stuff, not just things I need to do (although that is the main goal), but also that I haven't just wandered around in a haze all day, watching crap telly & not actually completing anything.

Happymum4ever · 19/06/2019 20:33

So it's ok to wish my horse dead but not ok for me to claim what I'm entitled to?

I'm proud to be at home for my kids. Thousands claim TC.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/06/2019 20:52

Depends how you define entitle to doesn't it.

You're youngest must be in full-time school, so the older ones def are. They don't need you to spend your days playing Pony Club and going to the gym.

Your partner / their Dad? is dropping hours because he doesn't want to work and support his family, he wants to do the bare minimum to get money, but not enough to actually pay for them.

The example you're both setting is to do as little as possible and expect the world to provide for you. Except when they're of age to have kids and expect the world to provide, life will be different and they'll struggle to get by on what the government gives out.

Neither of you are teaching them work ethic, that if you want nice things you earn them.

And i say that as someone who doesn't work, and whose family relies on the benefits we get. DH works, even though life would be easier if he was part-time and home with me. I study in my spare time and volunteer so that he understands that being on benefits doesn't mean you're lazy, it means we need some help right now.

I pity the example you're setting your poor kids

WaxOnFeckOff · 19/06/2019 21:05

I couldn't agree more Sleep . The benefit system is meant to be a safety net for those temporary in hard times or permanent support for those who need it due to incapacity. Not a lifestyle choice for the feckless.

I have at a couple of points in life been entitled to claim but chose not to as I didn't need to. Maybe I should have done and took the kids to Florida?

SleepingStandingUp · 19/06/2019 21:14

Yup Wax, never too late to quit work and let everyone else support you just for the fun of it.

Original poster

Jellylegsni · 20/06/2019 09:05

@AwdBovril I have terrible short term memory too. Wondering round in a haze all day is actually my typical day. It's really weird and depressing but I'm glad it's not just me who can get like that.

I have been thinking about making a schedule and putting basic things on it as well as putting 1-2 hours per day for doing some kind of activity. I'm thinking about studying a lot now. Yesterday I picked up (and started to read) a book for the first time in a couple of years. It felt good.

OP posts:

UrsulaPandress · 20/06/2019 09:12

DIY livery and barefoot is still bloody expensive.

emilyhamptoncakeslice · 20/06/2019 09:17

Think it is good to have a sense of purpose as well as pleasure

How about some telephone home based charity work?

Think there are organisations that can link you up with an older person who would appreciate a half hour chat once a week. I have heard students talk about volunteering in this way and they really enjoy it. I can't find the link but maybe it is the silver line?

emilyhamptoncakeslice · 20/06/2019 09:19

Also stop derailing the OPs thread those of you arguing with PP

onemouseplace · 20/06/2019 09:19

Our school are always grateful for parent volunteers to listen to children read - is that something you could do?

thaegumathteth · 20/06/2019 09:39

There’s a family at school like Happymum. Everyone judges them and rolls their eyes and it undoubtedly impacts on their kids.

I don’t work all the time and have mobility issues - I have, for the last year started working from home but it’s in fits and starts.

Contact the PTA at your daughters school - often having someone to make things to sell at fairs , organise volunteer Rotas, be a treasurer are all very very needed.

I read a fair bit and spend a lot of time researching things like holidays or stuff for the house or whatever.

Most of the housework is done during the day as and when - one thing you could do is declutter? I’ve done it for a long time and now it is so so so much easier to keep the place clean and tidy!

snowy0wl · 20/06/2019 09:43

+1 to the telephone befriending suggestion. I volunteer at The Silverline and find my weekly chat very rewarding. I have also used www.do-it.org in the past to find volunteering opportunities.

I've been in your position and can sympathise with how lonely it can be. Learning an instrument can be very theraputic (there are tutorials online if you can't afford regular lessons). If I had more time, I would love to learn another language.

I hope you find some inspiration. xx

Antigonads · 20/06/2019 12:09

Who made emily the thread monitor?

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