Teenage girl sharing hotel room....

[AndOnAndOn]

After opinions on whether it is OK or not for 12/13 year old girl to share a hotel room with step dad while mum sleeps in another room with the the baby?

No drip feeding, no issues, mum and step dad married for about 8 years, no previous concerns.

Is this OK or not ever?

Thank you in advance

If you don’t think it’s appropriate, why is this ban in your life at all?

*man, not ban.

A twelve year old should not be left to sleep in a hotel room alone but should be with a responsible adult who she knows well.

It's shocking that in our society we are so quick to judge and so mistrustful of men. This girl is unlikely to have any memory of her life before this man was in it so in effect he's her dad, right?

I agree with PP that of his behaviour is inappropriate then he shouldn't be in the family's life at all and if it's not then what's the problem? But the girl should be able to choose if she prefers sharing with baby or stepdad

I've just checked the T&Cs of a couple of different hotel chains, there is a minimum age to make a booking but none of them say anything about minimum age to stay in a room next to their parents.

Travelodge you have to be 18 to stay in a room without an adult. Premier Inn is 16.

In practice what we did was to book a family room and a twin and pretend that I was staying with dd and dh was staying with ds.

Dh shared a room with dd up to the age of about 13/14 (when he had to stay overnight with her at an event I wasn;t attending. Now she is 17 she has her own room.

I wouldn't see a step father who has been part of her life for that long I wouldn't treat any differently. I assume its becasue they can't fir an extra bed plus a cot in the room or to prevent your dd being woken by the baby in the middle of the night.

I would be OK with bio dad, but not with step dad. That's just my gut instinct, and I can't really justify it. It seems a bit of an odd set up though. So many different combinations available with hotel rooms and mum, dad, 12yr old and baby, that I can't think why anyone would chose that one. A family room/interconnecting rooms, or dad sleeping with baby would be better, surely.

Assuming step dad and daughter have good relationship and he's a father figure, I honestly can't see a problem here. Having said that, as a teenager, I wouldn't have wanted to share a room with my actual dad at that age, so I can imagine that being a problem (have subsequently, as an adult, shared with my dad no problem. It was just during those weird teenage years.... )

TBH I don't think it's appropriate even if it was her actual father - I think a teen girl needs privacy at that age

My teen DD would be happy to share with her dad. They'd take it in turns to get dressed/undressed in the bathroom.

I the teenager is comfortable then I think it's fine but I do think it's a little odd that another solution wasn't chosen instead e.g. father takes baby, teenager has adjoining room to herself, teenager shares with mother and baby etc

No I don’t think it’s appropriate

I would assume her SD is abusing her or wants to abuse her.

It makes no difference whether he's biological father or not, it is an inappropriate and unnesecary sleeping arrangement.

I would be concerned that the stepdad is leaving himself open to innuendo and misunderstandings.

It seems an odd configuration of rooms, given all the other options available, but I guess nothing inherently “wrong” about it, if both are comfortable. I mean what would happen if he took her to eg a concert that involved an overnight stay? FWIW I’m a single mum and I’ve shared a family room with ds1 & 2 right up until now, and they’re 17 & 12 (this year I’ve booked an apartment with separate rooms, but they’d both still happily share with me if necessary). Is it the step part or the dad part that people think is the issue?

It's the MAN part.

The daughter is a CHILD. I don't understand this attitude that a man can't share a room with a child. Especially a man who has been a father figure for 8 years. FFS. DNephew, who is 24, had to put DD to bed the other night as he was at ours and I had to help a friend. She got him to lie down with her and when I came home he was in the kitchen looking bleary as he said he started falling asleep. It didn't cross my mind to be even the slightest bit concerned. I just laughed and told him you have to watch her as she'd have everyone sleeping with her if she could!!!

My SD has been in my life since I was 1 and is perfectly nice but I would never have wanted to share a hotel room with him. Just would feel a bit odd.

Lots of men abuse children. That's why this sleeping arrangement jars.

Not good imo, and I would say the same if he was her biological father.

Not because I would expect anything untoward to happen, but just because I would expect her to feel a bit uncomfortable with it.

I remember this situation arising with my own dad when travelling and unexpectedly having to stay somewhere. He was a great dad and nothing dodgy about him, but as a teenager it just felt weird. But equally I was too polite and people-pleasing at that age to say so to my mum when we phoned her and she checked whether I would be ok with it. So even if the girl says she's happy with it... she may not be. It may just be too awkward to say anything else.

It's shocking that in our society we are so quick to judge and so mistrustful of men. This girl is unlikely to have any memory of her life before this man was in it so in effect he's her dad, right?
Well it is quite shocking what a high percentage of men sexually abuse children.

TBH I don't think it's appropriate even if it was her actual father - I think a teen girl needs privacy at that age. I don't think there's anything dodgy about it, I just think that with all the body changes that go on for a teen girl at that age, privacy is important. Teen DD shares with me on holiday but I can't imagine her wanting to share with her father.

Oh wow. My DD has been doing twice yearly hobby trips with her father where they share a premier inn room for 2/3 days since she was about 11. She is now 18 and they still share a room. No privacy issues at all.

I hate to say it but if this man is abusing his SD, he's already doing it and a hotel room is unlikely to suddenly turn a perfectly normal man into a predator.

A bit like people who think banning overnights for teenagers will stop them having sex.

If daughter is OK with it, it's fine.

If she is being groomed in any way she wouldn't be able to say she wasn't OK with it.

Lots of men abuse girls. And it's vastly more likely statistically to be a sted-dad rather than a dad.

Privacy is important.

Adjoining rooms, door ajar. No issue whatsoever.

I recently stayed in a perfectly normal hotel where the bathroom has glass doors. Fuck knows why some bright spark thought that was OK but they did. So you can see someone shitting and showering from the bed.

I certainly don't think it's an ideal situation, it also isn't necessary because surely a family suite could be booked. However, in reality, they are both likely to be fast asleep when sharing a twin room and he'll be up before her to use the bathroom.

Back in the real world, I just can't see why this is weird. Presumably mum is breast feeding so dad is sharing with the dd (step). My dh has been in my dds life since she was four - at some point you have to trust people.

Would make me uneasy tbh.

I hate this assumption that all men are paedophiles. He's been her stepdad since she was a toddler. Would you fear the same of an adoptive father? Presumably they live together and he has access to her all the time she is home?