Has anyone left a Senior role for a less stressful life?

[Sassyk]

I am seriously considering leaving my current job. I’m a senior director at a software company, I earn a very good salary but I’m also unhappy. I don’t see my young DC as I leave home before they wake up and may see them for 30 mins an hour in the evening when we’re all tired.
At work I have direct and indirect reports and seem to constantly be managing conflict or escalation. I often work over the weekend and I’ve literally had enough. My chest feels tight, I’m not sleeping, I’m not exercising and I’m drinking too much.
I keep bursting in to tears and my temper is short. I know I’m suffering from stress and would probably be signed off but that would effectively mean the end of my career at my current company. I enjoy working just not like this.
I’ve told HR this morning that I’m not coping (off sick today) but what to do long term. Has anyone been in the same situation? Did you find another solution to leaving? If you did leave for a less stressful role how was the change?
Financially we could cope we’d have to seriously cut back but that’s not an issue.

Was a junior sister post in a busy A&E department. Left and took time out to sort some health issues, when I was ready to go back to work I became a domiciliary home carer at about 1/2 the salary and far less stress than I’d ever experienced in 20 years working for the NHS

This was me 6.5 years ago. I had a senior finance role and after having my second DC, negotiated to go back 4 days per week. In reality I was doing 60-70 hours each week, often working on my day off / weekends and barely seeing the DCs. I held things together for about a year but felt constant guilt that I was relying on DH, DM & MIL to look after the DCs.

The best thing that happened to me was a (minor) car crash; I got home, started crying and didn't stop for 3 days. I was signed off with depression and this forced me to confront things rather than burying my head in the sand (it worked for me but I wouldn't recommend this!). I went back to work after 6 weeks knowing that I was going to hand my notice in within 3 months.

I decided to set up my own business in a completely unrelated field so went from a very comfortable income to zero earnings (plus a business loan). We had to cut back quite a bit but again, it forced us to re-evaluate things - I lost my company car but we didn't actually need 2 cars, we took DS out of private school but we'd been unhappy with the school for some time etc.

I've never regretted the decision. My earnings will never match my previous salary but that's ok. I'm so much happier and my mental health is greatly improved which has massively impacted on my family. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Yes.

I worked in the nhs. Huge responsibility but pay not great, although higher than average.

Left and managed to get an interesting, fulfilling role elsewhere. Sometimes I’m a little bored, i use my basic skills but I’d like to use the more specific skills from my previous role. They would be very valuable, but as it’s not nhs I wouldn’t be professionally covered so I have to sit on my hands a bit.

Pay is about half what I was on. But i’m much happier, feel valued- my boss will thank me when i leave if we’ve had a busy or difficult day.

I feel exactly like you, down to the chest pains, teariness, etc. I'm not senior really but I earn excellent money for my town and I can't really afford to find something less stressful, given that it would mean something like a 10k pay cut.

I'm sitting trying to decide whether I should keep going or take a week off and see if that helps. I just feel like it might prevent mental health doom.

I’m seriously considering this just now. I’m nervous of walking away from my Big salary and pension contributions, especially when we have a massive mortgage to match.

I’m just jaded with corporate life, after 11 years I’ve learned that I cannot force myself to to the arse kissing required to continue progressing.

I want to be home with my kids more.

Seriously considering setting out on my own, I’ve an idea but no idea if I can make enough money from it.

There are lots of us. Having it all, my fucking arse.

Yep. Left a senior manager post in the big 4 to work locally and took a 40% pay cut. Definitely worth it though

Should say that was 40% pay cut for the same hours. I had already taken a 40% pay cut to go down to three days in the big 4. It was still really stressful.

Just reading all your posts has helped. I could cry....again.

It would be very scary leaving the role and as someone has said the generous pension. But as OH said to me I am simply existing at the moment and is that really worth it?!

Don’t assume lower pay / status equals lower stress.

In your situation I would reduce working hours, including stopping working at weekends, and seek a new job at a similar level or one “rung” down with a different employer in your current field.

Yes. Left a Comms Manager role in a bank in the City to go back to a non-managerial role at an IT start-up. Halved my salary (and then took another 20% drop to go down to part time). Never been happier. We can't afford to go on holiday or buy fancy cars but we get by and it turns out that for me, money stress is less awful than job stress.

Yes I did too. Couldn’t afford any pay cut though.

I’ve not made good choices and find myself stressed again and continuously looking for another job but struggling.
I’m NHS.
I just don’t know what to do with myself which means I feel terribly trapped.
It’s a horrible way to be, I know there is something out there for me though. Just keep looking.

Seek help with MH, privately if necessary (good counselling is far, far cheaper than quitting work or taking a big pay cut), and focus on reducing hours sleep, food, gentle exercise and not drinking, to try to stabilise.

I’ve done all this myself, although my role doesn’t involve much people management thank god!

I was a charge nurse in the NHS before I had kids, moved jobs specifically to become a charge nurse in a different area. I really didn’t like it, the work environment was toxic, I dealt with a lot of childish “he said/she said” behaviour, I took on a massive workload from my boss, meetings, off duty etc etc. I used to take the off duty home to actually get through it as I was so caught up in work I didn’t have a minute.

On maternity leave I couldn’t face going back, I’d never ever get away on time, I’d get texts/calls at home when off duty, it wasn’t what I thought it would be at all.

I left my role and went back to a band 5. Now I go to work, do my job and come home, done. No additional stress of other people’s drama. Despite being at the top of the band and having no pay progression it’s totally put me off ever becoming a band 6 again, at least not as a management role.

Yes I left headship...a job supposedly where workdays match school holidays. Do not know how anyone else manages school holidays. I regret that I was very headstrong for years, determined to have it all, but regret more that it took me so long to realise my health and family comes first. Now still full time, but more flexible hours and rarely any stress. Frim reading this post, it sounds that if you don’t take control of matters, your health will really suffer, will affect your job and reference. My health really suffered...be self aware x

Yes I did it when my ds was 2 - had a year of going back to full time, v stressful work. Was impacting on my home life and health In a similar way to you but I was too proud to admit I wasn't coping. Until I did admit it (picture horrendous meltdown) and felt such a relief despite having a 4 month notice period to work. Not one single person said anything negative about my decision (Well except mil but she's always got the negative viewpoint) and so many people said they wished they had done the same. 2 and a half years on and I don't regret it at all - a tiny pang that I've lost the career I spent a long time building up but me and my husband are so much happier which makes for a happier home life . I was lucky to get a part time job but it is a huge decrease in income which is the only other negative but it's surprising how quickly you can adjust to your income!

My ds is starting school this year and I wonder if I might need a bit more without him to take care of now but I'm not going to rush back to something that might put me in the same situation as before!

It's a brave move but I can guarantee you won't look back and wish you'd stayed in your current situation x

I did. Probably not as high level a career as you but I went from a stressful management level to a menial admin job.
The best thing about it was no staff.
The worst thing was not being allowed to use my brain, suggestions ignored because I was assumed to not know anything.
I did it in my 50s and am now retired.

Yes, I was a senior manager in a national charity - I’m pretty resilient but after my 2nd stress related absence in the space of 18 months and no signs that things would improve, I left and took a job which allowed me to focus on one aspect of my role with no staff management responsibilities. I dropped about £7k but lost a huge amount of stress at the same time.

The new role is flexible and I have a high degree of autonomy, it’s as challenging as I want to make it. It’s also given me capacity to start other projects which had been fab. So very worth the salary drop.

Loopytiles "good counselling is far, far cheaper than quitting work or taking a big pay cut"

Thank you for this, that is an incredibly good point.

It is so easy to see that childcare or commuting costs are far cheaper than stopping work, but spending serious money on your mental health feels like an indulgence and it shouldn't.

I left a manager position that was client facing too and it was so much better to be just an internal member of a team. No job is stress free, and even a regular 9-5 means you pick the dc up when you’re all at the scraggiest end of the day. Never had any post 4pm quality time as mine found nursery wearing.

I’d think about your childcare - is it really the best you can get? Good childcare helps but sometimes you just want to do it yourself as much as you can.

I did, manager of a nursery very stressful. Although I initially enjoyed the reduced responsibilities I quickly missed being in charge and felt like I was still trying to manage those around me. I also struggled with taking direction from others, these are things you would need to consider. Since then I feel like I've lost my confidence to take on a senior role again, however my home life is much happier. I think it's about trying to find that balance.

Oh yes, you should also talk to your firm about your workload. It might put you on the mummy track for a while but there are ways out of that, I’ve found firms generally keen to promote women when they want to step up again but perhaps I’ve been lucky

I've done it too. Was primary deputy head. Gave it up as was really suffering with stress. 6 years laters went back as a TA then supply. Now doing lots of supply at one school and I really enjoy it. The pay isn't as much as it was before but the pros far outweigh this. We shop in Lidl now rather than Sainsbury's. Sometimes you have to do what's best for you and your family.

I’m lucky in that childcare isn’t an issue as OH works from home. I’m the higher income earner so DH does the majority of wrap round care in addition to a child minder and it’s difficult as I was recently promoted to take the role I’m in somewhat reluctantly 6 months ago. However my then boss left and I now report into the COO who is less people friendly. Im working a long day plus an 1.5 hr commute either end of the day. The salary and title seem to come with the expectation that I should suck it up. I think I might suggest a transfer or to step down which of course there is then a risk I have to leave.

I take on board the suggestion on external MH help though.

This sounds familiar, I was working in the City when I returned from maternity leave, and had the 1.5hr commute at either end of the day, which I grew to resent so much as it was keeping me away from the kids.

I had all the symptoms you describe, I went to see my GP, who was amazing and had been worried about me for a while. I ended up with depression. I left that job for something more local and lower level, it was the best decision I ever made. I’m now back at a more senior level, although locally rather back in London, but if I hadn’t taken that step back, and got medical help and counselling, I’m not sure what state I would be in now.

Look after yourself