Has anyone left a Senior role for a less stressful life?

[Sassyk]

I am seriously considering leaving my current job. I’m a senior director at a software company, I earn a very good salary but I’m also unhappy. I don’t see my young DC as I leave home before they wake up and may see them for 30 mins an hour in the evening when we’re all tired.
At work I have direct and indirect reports and seem to constantly be managing conflict or escalation. I often work over the weekend and I’ve literally had enough. My chest feels tight, I’m not sleeping, I’m not exercising and I’m drinking too much.
I keep bursting in to tears and my temper is short. I know I’m suffering from stress and would probably be signed off but that would effectively mean the end of my career at my current company. I enjoy working just not like this.
I’ve told HR this morning that I’m not coping (off sick today) but what to do long term. Has anyone been in the same situation? Did you find another solution to leaving? If you did leave for a less stressful role how was the change?
Financially we could cope we’d have to seriously cut back but that’s not an issue.

I'm still clinging on to a management role in HE. I'm a single mother so need the income. But do feel I'm missing out on time with ds whilst he is pre school age I'm a bit more shouty and emotional than I should be and I worry about the impact on the children.

I don't like the suggestion (if i am understanding correctly) though, that you get counselling so you can keep going.

It sounds like your life could use a re-balance. We shouldn't have to have therapy to live a life that feels right and healthy for us.

It can be helpful to know whether distorted thought patterns are making us feel worse than the reality though. Op isn’t having to stick her dc in childcare that’s not meeting their needs n hours a day and cringing with the guilt of that.

OTOH it is fine not to want a stressful job and to have had enough after several years of it, if you can afford to adapt your lifestyle

Sure, OP may well decide, with or without MH help, that her current job is bad for her and to make a change.

She is feeling low and stressed now, though, and MH could help her to shore herself up short term, while she decides what to do. And she may find options she hadn’t thought of, eg stay in the same role but reduce hours, amend responsibilities.

Making a decision at a low point, eg to quit, may have long term implications, financial and otherwise.

I agree, I try never to make decisions when I’m feeling low or tired. There may be options in her current role if she talks to them.

Believe me no job is ever worth destroying your health for - I've learned that through bitter experience.
I left a highly paid, third Sector CEO role (with zero support from an ineffectual trustee board) after years of stress, for a support worker post on 30% of my former salary but nine months later I was told that the years of stress had damaged my heart which was compounded when a virus permanently left me in heart failure.
I'm now facing a limited life span of five years.

I refuse to take a promotion as I know it's not for me. Too many people take promotions because it's just what you do IMHO.

@Japonicaflower2 god that's horrendous. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

What you need is a game plan. I have a small 1bed flat that I rent out near London. I plan to pay the mortgage off in 5years and it will be a nice earner for me and makeup for a less stressful job when I step down from my post. What will you do?

I left the NHS after 23 years. I'd worked my way up to middle management and told myself I'd done well. I earnt a reasonable salary. God. I was unhappy. Constantly oncall, even annual leave was interuptred.
I got a support job in a private school. No stress, lovely atmosphere and 19 weeks leave a year. Half the salary. But I now have a life. Much happier.

yes - i cut my hours back and stepped down from a managerial job in the nhs. Went down a band and now report to the person i used to manage. I did it primarily to reduce hours and have more flexibility, but also found its so much less stressful. DH is the main earner which helps a lot though.

I would try and negotiate things that will reduce stress eg working days from home, reduced hours. If that's not possible and you can afford it (taking long term propects into account), i would quit.

i work in mental health. I would be very wary of thinking therapy can reduce this sort of stress. Stress can be a sign that things are wrong and need changing, rather than looking at therapy to cope with an untenable situation. If you think you'd be fine if it wernt for your job i dont think therapy is the answer, i think you need to reduce the demands on you. If the job is only part of the things you struggle with and you think you could cope better with 'everyday' stresses then maybe therapy might be worth looking into.

Yes left a decent grade for a part time admin role as no longer needed the money as DH was doing well and we fancied a change of pace wrt house, kids etc.

Chose entirely the wrong office, found myself on an awful, petty and understaffed team with no real management, was spoken down to as a “junior”, the pace was just as stressful with the added complication of having no real decision-making power yet I frequently ended up taking work home and ended up feeling totally ground down by it.

I’m now just about to start a new high paid, high stress full time role again which I’m so thankful to have secured before my self confidence was too crushed by that place to ever pull myself out of there again. Just awful.

Japonica so sorry to hear that. Take care.

Left a senior management role in the nhs to become stay at home mum. We are skint as fuck but all a hell of a lot happier than we were when I was out of the house 0530-1930 four days a week.

I started with anxiety when I was in a high paid management role. Same as you dealt with the shortness of breath, chest pains, panic attacks.

I left last May, took 3 months out and went to a low paid part time role in the same industry. I hated it. I hated never having any money left at the end of the month, no savings, no holidays, had to sell my car (that I loved dearly) and buy a cheaper model.

I've moved jobs back to a similar management role now and love having the disposable income and being able to book a summer holiday, not having to think how much is in the bank before I buy a Starbucks!

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that the grass isn't always greener.

Sorry meant to add - one of the reasons I haters the lower paid role was because I hated being seen as junior. I have a lot of experience but was treated like a trainee because of the role I had taken!

Not me but the best boss I've ever had. Similar role to yours, OP, i.e. director in the tech consultancy sector.

Decided to leave a couple of years ago, took a product management role way below his paygrade with one of our clients.

The good: he has a lot more time for his family and seemed genuinely happy while it lasted.

The bad: people like him (classical A type personality) seem to be inherwntly at odds with the sliwer pace of where he ended up. He made countless enemies at his new job on account of being ... well, him.

The ugly: he burnt out. Not as a managing director in a consultancy (where this is pretty much normal for up to 30% of the workforce) but in a bog standard job. Reason: see "the bad".

In conclusion: yes, it can work. But consider why you made it to where you are in the 1st place. If it's because you're the type of driver personality that tends to end up in these positions you may find that a "less stressful" job is actually insanely stressful for you due to personality clash.

Consider getting some coaching during and after making the switch, perhaps?

Sorry for the typos, btw. Sausage fingers and phone don't mix well ...

I took a 66% pay cut in order to work nearer home, get away from London pollution. And actually see my kids.

I have an occasional moment of remembering how much I used to earn (knowing I’ll never earn it again), but really, I have no real regrets. Life is better now.