My feed

to access all these features

Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.


Aibu to think I'm being made a mug of!

41 replies

Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 15:10

Hey 1st post on here, ok where do I begin right well me an my hubby has 3kids together he has 2other kids with his ex they are 16,11 he doesn't work he stays at home with our 3 they are 4,3,2 I work full time in a hospital as a nursing assistant are youngest has just been diagnosed with T1 diabetes any how last we he received a letter from CSA saying he owes 300quid to his ex for there kids again HE doesn't work so I had saving in his account CSA yesterday took 638quid out of that account an processed it to his ex right I don't mind the fact he has to pay CSA of course he does but no he's just said oh well you'll have to give her 20quid per week so 80per month outta my wages I'm not on a great wage has my own 3,rent,council tax etc to pay I literally pay for everything he has a little savings 3grand (ish) but he won't tip any cash up coz he's saving it for HIS car he's currently learning to drive recently my car a really old crappy one blew up on the way home from work he then said he'd give me 800quid to get a new one so off I went an bought a different car, a day or two after in convocation I said I do appreciate u getting me the car as I cudnt get back an too to work without one he said I didn't give it u I lent u the money I need it back for my car once I pass my test! I feel like I'm moaning but I can't expect to pay for everything...... Can I? An am I being treated like a Muppet I just feel so fed up I actually do everything in this house I work 8/4 or 9.30/5.30 if I'm on the late I'm expected to go shopping after work if we run out of bread,nappies etc I'm expected to get it before I go work at 6,30am is this normal???

OP posts:
Greyhoundsaregreyt · 16/06/2019 15:12

The odd paragraph would make that a little bit easier to read.

ScreamingValenta · 16/06/2019 15:12

What are the CSA basing his payments on if he isn't working?

Soola · 16/06/2019 15:16

Are you saying that you do all the housework as well?

Pipandmum · 16/06/2019 15:19

You shouldn’t be paying his wife. He should be doing more house work if he’s a stay at home dad.
I think you need to sit down have a frank discussion about finances.

SummerHouse · 16/06/2019 15:27

How on god's green earth has he managed to save 3 grand whilst he doesn't work and has 5 kids? That aside he is being awful.

MrsTommyBanks · 16/06/2019 15:39

He is taking the piss. Big time.

Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 15:41

We had a car accident an he was injured he's just had a pay out from that yea I come home from work an have to cook tea out kids to bed make lunches for the next day etc.
Sorry about no paragraphs I wrote it down ever so quickly,
We have spoken but he says he does loads he hoovers, washes dishes, that's pretty much it

OP posts:
Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 15:42

CSA r saying as he has no income it now comes down to household income which is my wage an the babys small amount of DLA I'm so annoyed

OP posts:
Cloudyyy · 16/06/2019 15:43

How has he’s saved money if he doesn’t work? Why are you saving money in his account and not your own? Why are you enabling him to stay at home if he has five children to pay for?!!!!!

pessimisticstateofperception · 16/06/2019 15:46

He's taking the piss out of you with regards to money, but he should be working, he has children to support.

I know of far too many men who become stay at home parents to their new kids so they don't have to pay for their other children and it's disgusting.

IDontGiveABagOfDicks · 16/06/2019 15:47

CSA don’t do household income, something is very wrong here.

redsky21 · 16/06/2019 15:47

Have you actually seen the letter from the CSA OP? Because I have never heard of them using household income to work out payments.

Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 15:48

I'm not enabling him to stay home we don't really have a choice ATM with kids being so young we couldn't afford nursery fees as I alllready said we had a car accident an he got a pay out recently I basically put it into his account as if it was put into mine it would get spent on day to day stuff and it was to pay for a trip away for the kids

OP posts:
Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 15:49

Yes spoke to CSA well it's csm now an they said it'll go off household income

OP posts:
Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 15:50

I agree he should be paying for his kids I don't have an issue with pay his ex money for his kids but how in the name of God do I do it all on next to no money an my own 3 kids to sort out

OP posts:
Cloudyyy · 16/06/2019 17:31

So he’s had a car accident and is too unwel to work... but he’s well enough to be responsible for 3 children under 4??! Sorry but if he can care properly for 2 toddlers then he can find a job and financially support all FIVE of his children. You are enabling him.

Albanyriver · 16/06/2019 17:37

If the CSA say he owes £300, they would have sent an assessment figure for weekly payments going forward as well and whether it is paid direct to the resident parent or through them with those additional costs added. It isn’t based on household income, I had numerous battles with CSA on behalf of my DP due to a change in income. They will be basing their assessment on the most recent tax year they have available. You need to appeal their decision and provide evidence of his zero income. If it is more than 25% different to the figure they assessed on, they would recalculate his payments. Again, it’s not based on household income, I earn significantly more than DP and my income was never shared with them.

Smelborp · 16/06/2019 17:44

He is treating you like a mug, yes. Doesn’t mean you are one though.

anonforthespies43267 · 16/06/2019 17:49

What do you get out of being in a relationship with him other than childcare? I couldn’t be with someone like that.

pessimisticstateofperception · 16/06/2019 17:54

You do have a choice though.

I work and pay for child care for 4 dc, it isn't easy, but it's doable, I support 7 of us on my wage. If I can do it alone, then I'm sure you can do it as a couple, in fact, even when I was married I worked nights and my husband worked days, again, not easy, but he had other children to support and just because I chose to have children it didn't mean his other children needed less.

You need to stop enabling his shitty treatment of his dc.

How would you feel if he moved on and his new partner worked to enable him to give absolutely nothing towards your dc?

This is a huge flaw in the system and needs to be stopped, maybe if CSA figures were based on household income women would stop letting men cocklodge get away with doing this to their children.

CruellaFeinberg · 16/06/2019 17:56

So he's got 5 kids and doesn't work or pay for any of them? How does his ex survive?

And you do the housework as well? And shopping? Cant he get a weekend/evening job?

feelingsinister · 16/06/2019 18:33

If he owes child maintenance then you are being unreasonable to prioritise a holiday over him financially supporting his children.

He sounds like a selfish pig to me. I wonder what you are getting out of this relationship?

ConorMcGregorsChin · 16/06/2019 19:15

I honestly couldn't live like this. I have one DD. Her Dad pays less than bare minimum. Your situation sounds impossible. And I'm inclined to think how on earth the other mother manages. However, it should not fall to you, to pay for his other kids. That's not how it's supposed to work if people are open and honest. No matter what the situation. Car accident or otherwise.
Joint income is, however taken into account for tax credits and child tax credits.

CruellaFeinberg · 16/06/2019 19:24

but how in the name of God do I do it all on next to no money an my own 3 kids to sort out you don't, he gets a job and pays

Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 19:30

This is the point he won't every time I say u need a job he says when am I suppost to do that I ain't working evening an no way am I working weekends it's the only time I get to see u I can't afford child care for my 3 especially with my youngest having such complex needs just on my wage aswel as pay for everything else I'm in an impossible situation I can't stay home an watch the kids coz I have to work I'm not allowing him to do this I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be but have no way out

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.