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Aibu to think I'm being made a mug of!

41 replies

Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 15:10

Hey 1st post on here, ok where do I begin right well me an my hubby has 3kids together he has 2other kids with his ex they are 16,11 he doesn't work he stays at home with our 3 they are 4,3,2 I work full time in a hospital as a nursing assistant are youngest has just been diagnosed with T1 diabetes any how last we he received a letter from CSA saying he owes 300quid to his ex for there kids again HE doesn't work so I had saving in his account CSA yesterday took 638quid out of that account an processed it to his ex right I don't mind the fact he has to pay CSA of course he does but no he's just said oh well you'll have to give her 20quid per week so 80per month outta my wages I'm not on a great wage has my own 3,rent,council tax etc to pay I literally pay for everything he has a little savings 3grand (ish) but he won't tip any cash up coz he's saving it for HIS car he's currently learning to drive recently my car a really old crappy one blew up on the way home from work he then said he'd give me 800quid to get a new one so off I went an bought a different car, a day or two after in convocation I said I do appreciate u getting me the car as I cudnt get back an too to work without one he said I didn't give it u I lent u the money I need it back for my car once I pass my test! I feel like I'm moaning but I can't expect to pay for everything...... Can I? An am I being treated like a Muppet I just feel so fed up I actually do everything in this house I work 8/4 or 9.30/5.30 if I'm on the late I'm expected to go shopping after work if we run out of bread,nappies etc I'm expected to get it before I go work at 6,30am is this normal???

OP posts:
tuxedocatsintophats · 16/06/2019 19:31

Wow, he sounds like such a catch! You shouldn't be paying for his kids when he has a bloody savings! I think he's having you on and pocketing your money. Has it made now, lives off you and doesn't have to pay for any of his kids. Win win for him.

Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 19:33

I'm not being unreasonable to prioritise a holiday I work blooming hard for for me an my younger 3 children I was saving for a trip as a treat for the baby as he's been so so poorly the holiday is for them off me I worked hard to save for

OP posts:
Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 19:34

He doesn't pocket my money I have the reins on that but he does literally live off me! I buy him everything he needs clothes etc

OP posts:
feelingsinister · 16/06/2019 19:37

But he already had two children that he should be supporting. Yes I'm sure you do deserve a holiday but his kids deserve their dad to be contributing to their needs too.

You don't have to stay in this situation if you're unhappy, it doesn't sound like he's actually doing or providing anything anyway.

Cloudyyy · 16/06/2019 19:39

Stop paying for him!!! Tell him to move out, pay for himself and only call you when he’s a grownup, working adult. It’s pathetic. He doesn’t want to work evenings and weekends because he wants to see you?!!!! I mean COMe on!!! What do you think the rest of the population do when they have kids? Work around each other like ship in the night until they reach school age.

tuxedocatsintophats · 16/06/2019 19:39

He's a loser.

eve34 · 16/06/2019 19:42

You are completely being taken advantage of. But you
Know that deep down.

I have a claim through the csa. It is solely based on ex income. His partners income is not relevant. If he didn't work. I would be entitled to nothing.

Also so far I have not heard of money being taken directly from account I have had to wait six Month for it to be organised to deduct it from his wages

If he was any kind of decent man. He would work around your hours to maximise both your Income.

If I were you I would be looking at a claim for universal credits. They can pay up to 85% of your child care costs. And I good nursery or child minder would be more than able to support your dc with their health needs.

Cloudyyy · 16/06/2019 19:48

Also can I point out, you’d get 30 hours a week free childcare for your elder two children, so you’d only be paying for one. He could work, pay for that and still be better off... then a year down the line when the youngest turns 3 and also qualifies for 30 hours free, nursery fees would be minimal, he’d be a year into his new job and hopefully things would improve.

BryanAdamsLeftAnkle · 16/06/2019 19:49

I feel so much for you OP. You are doing your best and getting quite harsh responses. You aren't responsible for his choices and have clearly tried to sort him out.

My husband and I work NHS. He does 3 shifts per week and I'm a student nurse. Do you do 12 hour shifts.

You tell him that he can work 3 shifts per week. That way you don't need as much childcare.

If he's a stay at home dad then he is responsible for cleaning and cooking. He can't be mooching about the house all day.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 16/06/2019 20:08
Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 20:12

I work 1hour sometimes 1hr 45mins away from home my 4year old starts schiol in sept I live in a little village so we have 1private nursery close by that doesn't open til 9am so I'd not be able to get to work for my shift I work outpatient hours so 8/4 and 9/5 threw the week as far as the holiday goes IM PAYING FOR IT NOT HIM! The money that was taken out of the account way MY money not his I'm not bothered about the CSA his ex can have it it doesn't bother me so much it's the whole I feel trapped an unsure what to do or where to go

OP posts:
Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 20:14

Cloudyy his moving out has happened last year an stupid let him back but it's not that simple he doesn't go quietly

OP posts:
feelingsinister · 16/06/2019 20:26

Do you have anyone who can support you in getting him out? I know you feel trapped at the moment but you can get out of this situation.

CruellaFeinberg · 16/06/2019 20:30

You are getting a rough deal from him, hes lazy.

You (and your dc) deserve much much better. Look up what you might be entitled to if you were a single parent. Although as he is the sahp things might be tricky on that count

Logan2014 · 16/06/2019 20:35

I have no one my dad died when I was 20 I don't have a mum or any other family

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 16/06/2019 21:02

He needs to go back to cms: it isn’t household income, it’s HIS income. You do not pay for his other kids.

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