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Original poster

For those without their Dads on Father’s Day

50 replies

exWifebeginsat40 · 16/06/2019 11:34

just that, really.

my dad died last November after a long and difficult illness. we had a complicated relationship, but i adored him. i was with him when he died. i miss him very much.

so, maybe a supportive thread for people who find Father’s Day hard, whatever the reason?

OP posts:

spiderlight · 16/06/2019 12:12

My wonderful dad died in December. He was in his 90s and I was by his side, holding his hand as he passed. I miss him so much :(

Clawdy · 16/06/2019 12:18

My dad has been dead for more than thirty years, but I think about him a lot, and also think of all the things I wish I'd told him. He would have been so pleased. Guess we all do that.

FredaFox · 16/06/2019 12:21

It's been 5 years since I lost min, still miss him so much, my life changed overnight and I have become a carer for my mum, I'd do anything for a big from him

TheadReaper · 16/06/2019 12:29

My dad died last year on Father's Day, it was so awful and I can still hear it. It might sound dramatic but I feel traumatised by it and have flashbacks of a couple of memories from that night. It was my first real experience of death and grief so maybe that's part of it.
One of the things that made it 'easier' was knowing that others were going through similar things and having similar feelings, which is probably really weird as I don't wish grief on anyone but things like seeing other mourners on the day of the funeral made me feel less alone. So this thread is a lovely idea, I'm so sorry for your losses

TheadReaper · 16/06/2019 12:32

Me too @FredaFox I'd do anything for one of my dads massive hugs!
Sometimes I'll see a picture of him or think of something that I'd like to tell him and suddenly it hits me again 'omg he's dead.' It's like my brain doesn't actually believe I won't see him again

permanentlyfrazzled1 · 16/06/2019 12:34

My dad died unexpectedly July 2017 so this is my 2nd Father’s Day without him, and it would have been his 75th birthday tomorrow too. The pain isn’t as raw, but I’m having to paint a smile on so that we can celebrate the fab guy I chose to be the father of my four children. Like a pp, so many things have gone unsaid, which I find hard. A difficult day for many of us!

Emmapeeler · 16/06/2019 12:34

Thead I am sorry your DF died on Father’s Day. Mine died suddenly this morning although he had been ill and I am on my way to be with my mum. Feels very surreal. Thinking of all of you who have lost their Dads

Gramgram · 16/06/2019 12:36

My dad died six years ago, and days like this make me miss him more. He didn't believe in any sort of afterlife but I like to think of him dancing with my mum somewhere.

madcatladyforever · 16/06/2019 12:38

I've never had a father, mine left before I was born and has never bothered getting in touch.
I find father's day excruciating. I have a step father but father's day cards are not appropriate for the relationship that we have. They are all, darling daddy and thanks for everything you do for me.
I'm sick of it every year.

TheadReaper · 16/06/2019 12:43

@Emmapeeler I am so so sorry what an awful shock. There aren't any right words, or anything I can say to make you feel better but just know that you aren't alone and I'm sending you love I'm glad you and your mum have eachother for rl support though.

TheadReaper · 16/06/2019 12:48

Sorry posted too soon, I just wanted to say to @Emmapeeler that i also felt that way too and it was very surreal for a long time (it still doesn't quite seem real and is like my brain hasn't accepted it) I think I was in shock for a long time and I just wanted to say that it's ok to feel however you are feeling. I read a quote shortly after my dad died "the only cure for grief is to grieve". That might not be helpful but I thought I'd share it as it made sense to me at the time. Take care x

DelurkingAJ · 16/06/2019 12:53

With you and thinking of my fab Daddy. Gone far too young (69) and loved us all so much. I miss him all the time.

I love an anonymous forum for this. I don’t like the posts on FB about missing people, just not for me but this is cathartic.

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 16/06/2019 12:53

for all

I lost my dad 3 years ago now and I've cried all morning, which is not like me at all.

I should be at my parents house with the kids and cards and presents and fuss for him. He loved all his grandkids so much, they were a joy to him.

Instead all I have are ever present memories of the day he died and it just seems harder than ever today to get on without him.

Pipandmum · 16/06/2019 12:56

Mine died over ten years ago but also my children’s dad almost ten as well. While I told the teachers to let them make Father’s Day card in school when small we don’t bother much with it now. I think of them more on their birthdays.

Emmapeeler · 16/06/2019 12:58

Thanks you thread that is a good quote, I am going to try and do exactly that as I know bottling things up doesn’t help me. It helps to know others have gone through this. My Dad was 71, way too young but he was dearly loved and lived his life exactly as wanted to. I agree about anonymous forums, so helpful

danio01 · 16/06/2019 13:05

My Dad died in February. Two weeks ago was his funeral ( he’d wished to be buried in our country with his father). Since the funeral I have been struggling. He was my best friend. The first person to share my joys. The person I turned to for support. I have been going through a terrible divorce for a year and I miss his support so much.

As he lived on a different continent and we communicated on the phone, his death sometimes feels unreal. Sometimes I think I’ll phone him, and then I remember he is dead.
I was lucky to be able to visit him for a while when we knew he was dying and the joy on his face when he saw me, is something I will never forget.

mumofone2818 · 16/06/2019 13:09

My father died when i was 10 & now 25. Becomes alot harder when you have kids of your own and you know your father (their grandad) is not here to share amazing memories with them. Taking my DD to her papas grave for first time today to give him some flowers xx

DirtyThree · 16/06/2019 13:12

My dad died just before Father’s Day last year. God I miss him. He had less than a year between first tests/diagnosis and dying. A year on from his death and “him being ill” is no longer the overarching memory but it’s somehow just as painful to think of him in normal health too.

So hard to believe he’s gone tbh. He will always be in my heart though.

Thank you for starting this thread.

nipontuck · 16/06/2019 13:16

to all of you who lost your dads. I did, when I was 7 but he's still alive, just has no interest. The rejection hurts more now having seen the relationship between my DH and out DC. Fathers Day to me has also been a really weird day I could never and still can't relate to

UpTheDuffWithOnlyASatnav · 16/06/2019 13:57

My father walked out when I was a teenager. Still hurts a little. Love to all

NewYoiker · 16/06/2019 14:00

My dad died 16 years ago when I was 12. It feels like it gets harder and harder with Father's Day. But maybe that's because he's missed my wedding and seeing me grow up and all the other bits xx

TheOrigBrave · 16/06/2019 14:02

Nice thread - thank you. My dad died in 2012. DSs dad (my ex) chose to be on holiday rather than see his kids.

FIL isn't seeing his kids so we've invited him out to dinner with us. Rent-a-dad

ineedaholidaynow · 16/06/2019 14:10

Emmapeeler I am so sorry

There is a thread in the Bereavement section for people who have lost their parents, which you might find helpful. It certainly helped me when I lost my DF.

This is my second Father's Day without my dad, and I miss him so much.

WhyDoIAlways · 16/06/2019 14:12

This is my second Father's Day since my DF died. Last year my DH sulked as he didn't think I'd made enough fuss of him or like his last minute comedy presents that the DC chose ( mr grumpy mug and shower gel set) Did not even cross his mind it might be a tough day for me. Or on my DF's birthday ( the first since he died) he didn't mention or even think of it. This year I did remind older DC to do something and bought small gifts from youngest DD even though he does NOTHING for Mother's Day he knows I'm out of sorts but honestly cannot grasp what is wrong. He genuinely thinks I'm grumpy because I'm injured and can't go to the gym atm. Just no thought of anyone else but himself. I suppose it's all I should expect though. After all he did tell me I was "such a victim" when I asked him why he was being so nasty to me in the wake of my DF's death.

TheTempest · 16/06/2019 14:15

My dad died unexpectedly on December 12th last year aged 60 after an operation. I’m struggling today as I miss him so much. I was at a wedding yesterday and the father and bride song was dance with my father again. How I held it together I’ll never know!

Thinking of everyone missing their dads today. Mine wasn’t perfect but he was always in my corner. The amount of times I think I’ll just pop round or ring him to ask his advice. I still can’t really believe he’s gone to be honest 😭

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