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My life is a mess.

43 replies

Pickledbrain · 15/06/2019 12:45

I'm in my late 30s.
Can't have children.
Don't have a partner.
I live alone.
I have no regular friends. I do have some colleagues who are nice but busy with their kids. I have a few friends who live abroad.
I worry my brain is going to mush as I have very little human contact other than work and shopping.
I'm 7 stone overweight. I look and feel awful. I have no energy to do anything other than work.
My life is passing me by and it's a complete mess. I feel like I have nothing and nobody. I work, I eat, I sleep. Repeat.

Don't know why I'm posting really.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 15/06/2019 12:57

That sounds very difficult. What would you Like your life to include? Hobbies, family, travel, career development…?

Are you interested in crafts? Or gardening? Or reading? Any clubs you could join? Do you drive? How do you spend your annual leave? Would you be interested in volunteering?

captaincorellisvaseline · 15/06/2019 13:02

Oh OP 😔.
Can you identify a happier period in your past? What was it then that contributed to your happiness?

What are the elements here that are under your control / which you can influence, do you think?

haverhill · 15/06/2019 13:03

You don’t have nobody, you have you. What do you want most? To get more healthy? A partner? A hobby you feel passionate about?
No-one can improve your life but you. I would choose one thing to work on and go for it. Maybe improving your health first as this will improve your self esteem and confidence. Good luck x

PurpleDaisies · 15/06/2019 13:03

That sounds really tough and totally overwhelming. Flowers

Is there one thing you could work on changing?

Pickledbrain · 15/06/2019 13:04

I don't have the energy for clubs or volunteering. I work about 70 hours a week, sometimes more. There's not a lot to do around here (rural). I do drive. To be honest I don't know what I want my life to look like. I just don't want to wind up wasting away my life.

OP posts:
Crazyladee · 15/06/2019 13:07

It seems your weight is the root of your problems. You feel physically and mentally down. If you addressed your weight your energy levels and health would improve and get you out of your rut.

I don't normally agree with slimming clubs but if you joined weight watchers or slimming world you would be killing two birds with one stone as you would be doing something about your weight but also meeting other people and getting out of the house as well.

Soola · 15/06/2019 13:08

Your self esteems sounds rock bottom.

The most obvious thing is your weight/size. So you want to lose weight?

If you visited your GP about your weight you could start a healthy eating plan and begin exercising.

Or you could join a slimming club. You would meet other people and perhaps make some friends. You would at least get empathy and support from others.

Your self esteem should rise as you feel and look healthier and become fit.

Would that be an option for you?

LittleSwede · 15/06/2019 13:11

Do you enjoy your job? Is it something that defines who you are?

Are you comparing yourself to others or to what society has decided is the norm or are you genuinely unhappy being by yourself? Only asking as I have friends in similar situations but I get the feeling they have chosen no partners and no children and actually like being by themselves ( I only see them a few times a year as we live in different countries).

How about taking up walking/light hiking? That way you'd get some exercise but it's also a chance to meet other people (there's lots of organised walking clubs) as well as getting that lovely lift that fresh air brings.

revengepudding · 15/06/2019 13:15

First things first, when did this start? Weight and (what sounds like) depression?

Secondly, you’re bloody amazing for posting on here about it. 👌Well done you, today is when it all changes.

Thirdly, where are you in the country? (Roughly) It will help when people suggest things.

I agree that you need to get on top of your weight issues first as that is impacting your health. Do you have a condition that affects your weight? Have you had your thyroid etc tested? Are you overeating?

You are amazing for starting this thread. Life is no longer passing you by.

Pickledbrain · 15/06/2019 13:16

I do want to lose weight but last about a day with food changes. I've tried slimming clubs a number of times. I don't feel my self esteem is low, just that I have a shitty life with nothing in it.

My job is demanding. I do like it most of the time.

Yes I suppose I do compare myself to society norms, hard not to in the job I do. They are all the definition of society norm as are all in the field I work in. That would be fine if I I enjoyed my life. However I don't.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 15/06/2019 13:23

Why do you work so many hours? Could you cut down a little to give yourself A little more time for yourself?

Pickledbrain · 15/06/2019 13:26

It's teaching. Not possible to cut back hours.

OP posts:
LittleSwede · 15/06/2019 13:33

Ahhh, yes I can see why teaching would take up 70 hours and why you'd be left exhausted from it!

On the other hand teaching is something that defines you and gives you an identity. Provided you actually enjoy it? I used to be a teacher (still am but in a specialist field and very, very part time due to life situation) and it's difficult to find a life balance with such a demanding job.

LittleSwede · 15/06/2019 13:34

Sorry, didn't mean to end on such a negative note! Getting out and about furnone day a week would be great for gettywork life balance. Are there any Meetup groups in your nearest town? Or a ramblers club?

BlueMerchant · 15/06/2019 13:37

Work/life balance seems out of sync. It's good you enjoy your work but what's the point if it is infringing on you having a life, hobbies and socialising? I know it will be difficult to get motivated but I really think joining a club/hobby group would make you feel less alone. Do you like reading? Any local book clubs? for e.g. or are there any local walking clubs?
Do you have lunch with colleagues or sit alone? Could you go for a coffee with someone during break or after work?(if possible)
You really need to get out among people and doing so will bolster your confidence and motivation and create opportunitys to achieve your goals.

BlueMerchant · 15/06/2019 13:39

Sorry just seen last post. Popping out for a coffee at break time may prove difficultGrin

Pickledbrain · 15/06/2019 13:43

There are no meetups near me. Nearest is 45 mins drive away or 50 minutes drive/train. I do have lunch with colleagues but they're busy with their kids after work and at weekends.

OP posts:
LittleSwede · 15/06/2019 13:47

As the long summer holidays are soon upon us, why not use it as a chance to kick start a change? A brisk walk every morning for example or maybe try out a gentle fitness program for fun? Are you going away or could you plan some nice days out?

Pickledbrain · 15/06/2019 13:53

Dreading the summer holidays to be honest. They are long when you have nobody to share them with. No holiday planned. Can't really afford it. Yeah I will aim to be more active during them.

OP posts:
ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 15/06/2019 13:59

Aw OP.. I think sometimes we look at a whole big situation and it seems too much to do anything about. But if you just start by changing one small thing at a time, and letting that become a habit, before tackling the next thing, then it can all add up. I was also lucky enough to work with an amazing counsellor, and I would hugely recommend talking therapy to anyone.

Allofme1 · 15/06/2019 14:03

Why don’t you look for a new job with less hours?

sheknowsshesachocolategirl · 15/06/2019 14:07

Could you consider moving house? Maybe living less rural would give you more options?

Deadringer · 15/06/2019 14:10

Op you are young, and you have a job you like, albeit it is demanding, so that isn't the worst position to be in. As pp have said, what do you want in life? Not a fantasy life, but what changes would you make if you could wave a magic wand? Would it be more friends, a dp, lose weight, change jobs? Or other stuff? Ok so you don't have a magic wand, but you can make changes, small things to start off with. Do you rent or own? Would it be possible to move so that you are nearer to a social life, without making your commute intolerable? Your friends abroad, can you make plans to visit them during the holidays, give you something to look forward to. Everyone needs joy in their lives, it sounds like you have lost yours. Do any of the meet ups interest you? Could you do one once a month to start with, even if it means traveling an hour there and back? Could you take up some activity that would get you outside and moving, walking, gardening, not with losing weight as a goal but just for the sense of having done something, and the benefits of getting out there. Are there any hobbies or classes that you could pursue? Maybe you need to try something new, to get you out of your comfort zone, because it's not so comfortable at present. I know you work long hours but if you do something you enjoy it won't seem like a chore. Sorry for all the questions but you sound so hopeless, and you are not hopeless, you are young, smart, and presumably in fair health. Try to picture your life in ten years, will you look back and say, why didn't I do something? I know it would have been tough, but I should have done something then. Don't wait, try and make some changes now, even small ones, even if it's hard. Keep posting on here, smarter people than me will come along I am sure and offer you advice. Good luck.

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 14:11

Do you enjoy teaching? Could you change if not e.g. tutoring, maybe volunteer, with no DC maybe you could travel? maybe you just need a change. Teaching can be draining

carla1983 · 15/06/2019 14:20

OP, your life doesn't sound like a mess at all. There's nothing wrong with being single with no kids, unless you actively want the opposite.

You can always make new friends, find a partner and you can change location.

It does sound like your weight is getting you down. I lost 1.5 stones through intermittent fasting (5:2) over a period of about 2 years, did it slowly as I did not want to crash diet. Not sure if you're looking to lose the weight but just wanted to recommend that in case.

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