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Original poster

My life is a mess.

43 replies

Pickledbrain · 15/06/2019 12:45

I'm in my late 30s.
Can't have children.
Don't have a partner.
I live alone.
I have no regular friends. I do have some colleagues who are nice but busy with their kids. I have a few friends who live abroad.
I worry my brain is going to mush as I have very little human contact other than work and shopping.
I'm 7 stone overweight. I look and feel awful. I have no energy to do anything other than work.
My life is passing me by and it's a complete mess. I feel like I have nothing and nobody. I work, I eat, I sleep. Repeat.

Don't know why I'm posting really.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pickledbrain · 15/06/2019 14:24

I can't move. I only moved here 3 years ago and I've moved around too much. It's been the same everywhere so moving won't change anything. I own my house and I've got a fixed mortgage so another reason not to move.

It's easier said than done to change jobs. There's no jobs in this area (or many places to be honest) that are secure and reasonably paid. I'm single so can't afford to ditch things and leave. I only have a few hundred pounds in savings. I do enjoy my job l. I'm good at it. It keeps me going and kills me in equal measure.

OP posts:
Supergirlthesecond · 15/06/2019 14:47

I know that feeling, Pickledbrain (also a single teacher). I left teaching, took a temp job and then started to take up hobbies, etc. I actually didn't really know what it was I wanted to do and everything was a bit vague which is why I didn't have that much motivation. Slowly things come in to view, though and you do come through with a clearer idea about what you want to change/redo. Someehere you have come oof track and all you need to do is find the first steps for the first thing you can do to get back on track. Simple, easy and light with no pressure and you will get realise your life is full (just maybe not with the things that other people have and talk about). xx

Supergirlthesecond · 15/06/2019 14:48

Apologies for typos - I am really tired.

Bluerussian · 15/06/2019 15:03

Such a sad post, op.

Being single can be great fun, you just have to learn how.

Losing that 7 stone would help your self esteem and be better for your health.

BabyDueDecember2019 · 15/06/2019 15:31

On the positive side the school holidays are soon. That will give you time, to think about small changes you can make, rest, be more active and perhaps meet new people. Thanks

You are young, lots can change

redexpat · 15/06/2019 15:33

Can I recommend a book? Its called how to do everything and be happy by peter jones.

Original poster
Pickledbrain · 15/06/2019 16:22

Redexpat - thank you. I've just bought that book online.

OP posts:
SkintAsASkintThing · 15/06/2019 16:44

Could you do voluntary dog walking with a rescue ?? Dogs are a great way to make friends. Or volunteer for a befriending service ?? You sound like you'd be really good at it.

niceupthedanceagain · 15/06/2019 16:52

What about having a lodger? Might be some company and bit of extra cash?

LittleSwede · 15/06/2019 17:19

So, is there a way that you can afford some cheap flights/train tickets of something for the long holidays? Sometimes a break can give inspire changes and all that. I know the school holidays are expensive but there are cheaper places which would be safe for a single traveller?

BobbyBrewstersMagicTorch · 15/06/2019 17:45

If I were in your position I would:

Try to lose weight, it's clearly an issue for you. You don't need to exercise, just cut down on calories.

Then seriously think about moving elsewhere for work. Maybe rent out your house, and go and do some work abroad, either teaching or volunteering. You don't realise it, but the world is your oyster with no ties. Make the most of it.

Original poster
Pickledbrain · 15/06/2019 20:40

I've just given myself a home facial. Feel a little better. Thank you for listening today. I might start slimming world (again) on Monday.

OP posts:
babyno5 · 15/06/2019 21:20

@Pickledbrain that was such a sad post. I think one of the PP suggested breaking it down into manageable chunks. You know that you can't realistically change everything overnight. You e started with a facial so keep working on appearance maybe? I know it sounds superficial but often if we look better and take better care then we feel a bit better. Part of that might be weight (and believe me I do understand that one!!). Build your self confidence and learn to love yourself.
Might sound cliched but what about getting a cat-maybe a rescue? There is something lovely about being greeted with a miaow 😻. It's someone to love and be loved.
Just keep chipping away and making improvements and you'll feel better. Then when you're ready go out and hit the dating world.
Wishing you lots of love and luck xxx💐

Gazelda · 15/06/2019 21:27

Keep doing things that give you pleasure. It's important that you have joy in your life. How about aiming to go for a walk in a park or by the river tomorrow?

Original poster
Pickledbrain · 16/06/2019 06:55

Babyno5 - I think getting a cat is just living up to society's norms even more. Single women must get a cat. No thanks.

Gazelda - yeah I think I'll try and get out for a walk. Thanks.

OP posts:
TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 16/06/2019 08:27

In your shoes I'd leave the job and go and do VSO. You're bound to lose weight and it will.give you a purpose, and you will meet lots of people. You need things to change - get out of your rut.

magicfarawaytrees · 16/06/2019 08:35

Start by addressing your weight. Doing some exercise will make you feel a million times better.

As a fellow teacher (I mean this kindly honestly) I can’t understand what you are doing that takes 70+ hours a week. Are you primary? You need to learn to prioritize and when to stop, and need to look at tips for working smarter and not harder. I couldn’t possibly work 70 hours a week and look after my 3 children too but I manage to do a good job.

You need to invest in time and effort for yourself as well as everyone else. Either cut down the hours you are doing in your own time or request a day off. If you are burnt out no one will gain.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 16/06/2019 09:05

It’s hard to change but if you really want to then you have to switch your mindset.
Find some motivating YouTube talks. I got my user name because there was a sentence in a video that really resounded with me when I felt I was in a rut.
As for losing weight, I found a better approach was thinking ‘I deserve to be healthier. My body which supports me and works amazingly needs good nutrition and exercise to be able to carry on supporting me’
It just helped me to reduce the crap and eat more vegetables and fruit.

As for a social life and relationships, you have to go and meet people. Find clubs locally that you can go to. Anything that you’re interested in - walking, sports, books, languages, arts, the list is endless.
Meetup.com is a fab site but it depends on your area. You may find things locally, if not then your nearest town/city will definitely have things.
Are you able to save money? Cut back on anything you can and get the best deals on utility and phone bills.
Maybe you could have a goal of saving for a holiday. I have single friends who have fab holidays booking on singles group holidays and tours when they don’t want to go by themselves. They’ve made friends on those too.

I also agree with a pp. your life isn’t a mess. Ok, so you don’t have some things in your life that you’d like but there’s a whole list of positives in your life.

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