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Original poster

Is there a chance of a relationship and kids if I'm 40?

54 replies

HarleyS · 14/06/2019 20:44

Hi, having seen a thread from a 27 year old woman today, it's made me think, not for the first time, if a 27 year old woman is fretting, then it's really too late for me isn't it? I'll be 40 this year.
Can I still meet someone and have my own biological children?
Any positive stories out there?
Please no stories about adoption, egg donor or sperm donor. Just natural conception in a relationship after the age of 40.
Thank you.

OP posts:
ourkidmolly · 14/06/2019 20:47

Of course it's possible. Without wanting to be patronising about it, but are you actively looking ie online dating etc?

formerbabe · 14/06/2019 20:48

Yes but you don't have time to waste. I'd treat it like job hunting to be honest and go on as many dates as possible!

Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 20:48

Online Dating is horrendous.
I am looking though.
Doesn't seem to go anywhere.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 14/06/2019 20:48

Well it’s possible. I think you have to really try to make it happen though- online dating, every possible type of dating, going out to new places etc. It’s harder and you’re on more of a time scale but it can definitely happen!

Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 20:51

What's the oldest natural conception a woman has had on here?

The only thing that keeps me going is that my paternal grandma had a kid I'm her mid to late 40's.
Hoping biology is on my side.

OP posts:
UpTheDuffWithOnlyASatnav · 14/06/2019 20:52

I'm almost 42 and currently pregnant. I had DC3 at almost 40, too.

Sunflower101 · 14/06/2019 20:53

Yes, me! I met my husband through online dating aged 39, married at 40, baby conceived naturally 8 months later, gave birth aged 41.
Don’t give up hope, do online dating, be positive and have fun!

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 14/06/2019 20:54

I met my( def not first) dh at 41( and had ds at 43..)
In a pub on a quiet night out.
Turned out he lived a couple of streets away!

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 14/06/2019 20:56

I know someone who was single at 42. Three years later she has a partner and two children (not ivf).

Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 20:56

I was made redundant and I have to sort that out first.
Feels like I'll never make it.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 20:57

Thanks for the replies.
Just one person having been in that situation and turning it around gives me hope.

OP posts:
Twistedbiscuit · 14/06/2019 20:59

Just for example, the mother of one of DD’s friends had her first/only child aged 43. I’ve forgotten the details but I don’t believe that she and her partner had been together for a particularly long time at that stage. You never know what goes on behind closed doors but they certainly seem very happy together and their DD is lovely.

Another mother I know was around 40 and it was an unplanned pregnancy. (The relationship didn’t go the distance but that’s true of half the parents I know!)

Monny1 · 14/06/2019 21:00

I had my first at 39 and my second at 41, both were natural births.

Kintan · 14/06/2019 21:01

The only thing that keeps me going is that my paternal grandma had a kid I'm her mid to late 40's.
Hoping biology is on my side.

If you have a couple of hundred pounds to spare, I’d suggest getting a fertility MOT, and that way you’ll at least be able to know if your egg reserve etc is good for your age. If so that could give you a bit of breathing space. Wishing you lots of luck :)

Popetthetreehugger · 14/06/2019 21:04

my friends gran had her mum at 52 , seeing as her mum is 90 we can pretty much assume it was natural! 💐 I agree that on line dating can be tricky... write yourself a list of what’s important to you , and stick to it ! Don’t waste your time on guys that don’t have a similar goal to you . My DSD is almost 40 has just met like minded guy and a family is very much their plan .... good luck 😉 x

TheWeatherGirl1 · 14/06/2019 21:05

Met my husband at work when I was 38.
Fell pregnant when I was 42, he's 2 now.

Sometimes I miss being single and child free....

PinkSquidgyPig · 14/06/2019 21:08

Met my (first and only) husband aged 38, had a surprise baby aged 43 (almost44), married at 49. Now aged 54. Older than most school mums. But full of beans and do loads of fun stuff with my DD. Menopause and not wanting to have another baby pronto means we only have one child. But she good friends and does sleepovers and spend loads of time/days out/trips/camping and holidays with them too which helps make up for it.
I'd say not too late.
Btw I met DH online about 16/7 years ago. It's a happy life, not perfect, but perhaps better for it.
Btw he proposed to me with an impromptu play dough ring he made with our DD: it was perfect 😍

IncognitaIgnorama · 14/06/2019 21:13

One of my colleagues is half of a twin. She met her husband at university, married now 20 odd years. Her sister never had a long-term relationship, decided to prioritise finding a husband around 38/39. Treated it, as PP said, like a job - Tinder spreadsheets and everything.

Found him at 42, married at 43 and has a much wanted nine month old now at 44. And is trying already for her second.

It can and does happen, OP (though fertility MOT and egg freezing could be a plan even so). The oldest person I know to conceive without intervention for the first time was 47 at the time. No, it's not common - but it is possible. (And she had been married 25 years at the time - they had resigned themselves to no children and made their peace with that. They now have three teenagers Grin)

Be practical, prosaic and proactive, and you could be on one of these threads down the line. Of course, it may not happen for you - but there's no reason it shouldn't Flowers

Ivegotthree · 14/06/2019 21:15

My friend did it with a sperm bank at 42 and is so, so happy.

BlueSkiesLies · 14/06/2019 21:19

Possible but you’re going to have to be really clear what you want and a bit ruthless to weed out time wasters

crumpet · 14/06/2019 21:20

Ex dh met his second wife when she was a similar age, and they have a child now.

ProfessorofPerspective · 14/06/2019 21:23

Met my DH at 40, DD born when I was 42. Hang on in there!

Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 21:23

Thanks for the positive stories.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 21:25

I have young parents, they are only 21/22 years older than me, my grandparents are 40 / 41 years older than me , makes me feel like a real loser.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 21:26

My friends stopped inviting me out as they all got married around the same time mid twenties.
They openly said what was the point as I wasn't married and I would get bored!!

OP posts:
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