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Original poster

Is there a chance of a relationship and kids if I'm 40?

54 replies

HarleyS · 14/06/2019 20:44

Hi, having seen a thread from a 27 year old woman today, it's made me think, not for the first time, if a 27 year old woman is fretting, then it's really too late for me isn't it? I'll be 40 this year.
Can I still meet someone and have my own biological children?
Any positive stories out there?
Please no stories about adoption, egg donor or sperm donor. Just natural conception in a relationship after the age of 40.
Thank you.

OP posts:
LoeweHammock · 14/06/2019 21:28

HOw badly do you want it?
If I were 40 and was certain I wanted motherhood I'd go to a clinic. Then when the baby was about a year old I'd think about a relationship. You have loads of time for a relationship! But if you want a child get on with it. Be PRO-active if you want it.

Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 21:29

I need to stop the pity party.
Thanks for taking the time to reply.

OP posts:
username99382727 · 14/06/2019 21:30

My mum had my sister when she was 45 OP.

Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 21:31

I can't have a random man's baby.
My community will disown me.
I'm lonely as it is.
Sperm donor not an option that is why I didn't want to hear the stories.
Thank you though.

OP posts:
Bumblenut · 14/06/2019 21:32

My SIL had her first at 43. Not too late at 40 at all but I think you have to make more of a concerted effort to meet someone than if you were 27. I know online dating is hell but I think you’ll just have to dig deep and go for the scatter gun approach knowing it’ll be worth it in the end if that’s what you think you really want.

I will add though (as I did on the other thread) that for some marriages it can be more lonely than being single. Don’t think that every couple is loved up and living some paradisical existence.

IncognitaIgnorama · 14/06/2019 21:34

If you come from the sort of community that would disown you for that, is there any chance they could help you find a partner? (Just asking as there's often a correlation between taboos around single motherhood and pushing singletons in the community to get married - I lived overseas and spent years fending off people for whom it was perfectly normal to ask strangers if they were married, and then try to set them up with their son/grandson/neighbour etc)

Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 21:35

Yes, I've seen 1st hand, how marriages can be a sham.
I don't believe all married people are happily married.
It's just that I can't reconcile myself to this single existence.
I need to get a job and then start dating :)

OP posts:
Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 21:38

My parents had an arranged marriage but yet they feel it is pointless in the UK. In India it makes sense because it's about making alliances. In the UK it's not the same.
It's one thing if they are OK with someone that is not the same race or religion but it's a totally different thing having a random man's kid.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 21:39

Also, I wouldn't consider sperm donor or egg donor either.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 21:41

I have had relationships.
The last one ended 10 months ago.
He became an Evangelical Christian and wanted to find God first!!

OP posts:
IncognitaIgnorama · 14/06/2019 21:42

Bugger.

In that case: job-hunting by day, husband-hunting by night - and at least you aren't going to get aggro about race/religion from them, so you have a much wider field. Honestly - take a tip from Tinder Spreadsheet Woman: you've got this, OP!

toddlermom · 14/06/2019 21:43

First at 40, second at 42 and now pregnant with third at almost 45. All natural. Met husband at 39 through friend of friend.
There is hope!
Just you have to go where men go. And date a lot. And agree to be set up. And try online just in case! It's worth it!
Good luck!

Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 21:46

Thank you ladies I'm feeling much, much better.
Hopefully the 27 year old lady is too :)

OP posts:
CTRL · 14/06/2019 21:53

Hypothetically speaking;

If you were to go down the route of a sperm donation and worried about how your family will take it. Simply don’t tell them. Mabey you can say something along the lines of you were in a brief relationship but it fizzled out when you found out you were pregnant.
Sounds abit mad but honestly speaking if I were in my 40’s, no relationship and no kids - I personally would definitely be looking at sperm donation to avoid missing the mark.

As someone else has said; you have plenty of time for a relationship but I honestly feel once times run out - it’s run out.

UAreMyMummy · 14/06/2019 21:54

Met my other half in a pub aged 35. Had DC1 at 38 and DC2 at 41. Both normal conceptions. My gran had mu mum aged 44, so I wasn't overly worried + never wanted children when I was younger and married to my first husband.
It can happen. You will have everything. Have faith in yourself!

CTRL · 14/06/2019 21:55

Hope that didn’t come across as rude. I hope you find the perfect man who will give you your fairytale you deserve.
I know some women have kids in thier 40’s.

Original poster
HarleyS · 14/06/2019 22:04

Hi, no it wasn't rude. It's a suggestion. Nothing rude about it. This thread has given me hope

OP posts:
AllFourOfThem · 14/06/2019 22:12

I’ve just had a baby and I’m 40. I conceived first month of trying. It wasn’t a fluke as I’ve bad six pregnancies in the last five years and none have taken more than three months to conceive. I left it late as well and wanted a large family, so small age gaps as well as a couple of miscarriages.

Churchillian · 14/06/2019 22:13

Met my OH when I was 40 in the pub, had DD at 41 and DS at 43 - both conceived without any issues or IVF and we got married last year when I was 47 so it is possible. I had pretty much accepted that I would be single and not have kids by that time - it was all a bit of a surprise!

Magic0Magic · 15/06/2019 08:44

I met my now husband at 38. We got married when I was 39. Had our son at 40 with no problems. While I wasn't looking for a partner, it all felt (& still does) very very right.
I think I'm a better parent now than I would have been if I'd had him younger.
Sending you best wishes OP.

mothsgotmycashmere · 15/06/2019 10:37

I had resigned myself to remaining childless when I met my DH 2 weeks before my 39th birthday (online dating). I had DD at 41 (after 1 MC); she was conceived naturally a month before I was due to start fertility treatment. She's now 5. Of course most parents of children her age are younger than us (I'm almost 47 and DH is 51), but I do know several who are older. A friend of mine had DS2 at 47.

HotChocolateLover · 15/06/2019 12:24

My auntie was 46 when she had my (naturally conceived) cousin. She’d been single for years but got with someone and was pregnant after about 2 years of dating.

Original poster
HarleyS · 15/06/2019 18:01

Thanks for the stories.
Gives me hope :)

OP posts:
Sophiesdog11 · 15/06/2019 19:13

My cousin had her first child last year at 47 - she was a career girl, travelled a lot, had relationships but none lasted. Met her partner at about 42, they clicked straight away. Lived together, had at least one miscarriage but got their much wanted child eventually.

I will DM you a link of her story if I can find it.

tuxedocatsintophats · 15/06/2019 19:20

It's possible, and stories are nice, but on the other hand if you don't want to go the sperm donor route then you do need to also accept it might not happen. Best of luck.