Have or would you moved into your future husband's former marital home?

[Lemmers]

I'm engaged and we're trying to sort out where we're gonna live long term

My DP is perfectly content to sell his marital home and for us buy a new house

Money isn't an issue for us but it will mean upheaval for his children

DP's former wife moved out six years ago, their time in the home wasn't particularly harmonious but they did buy it as their forever home

Finances are sorted. He bought her out

The house is beautiful

Me and her are civil but will never be friends

Am I selfish for wanting to move and start afresh? Or am I just a silly cow for not wanting to live in "her" home?

I feel like selling and buying is such a big thing just to calm my feelings I feel guilty, even though DP is happy enough to do whatever to make me okay

You can't eat off plates she once touched?! But you can be with the man she made babies with?! sorry that made me laugh. Poor dp, did you bleach him?!!

Personally I'd probably move, not so much because of the ghost of her past but just so it felt like both of your homes completely.

I did, but they had been divorced 10+yrs, no children involved and I never met or knew his ex wife.

I'd move. My friend is going through atm and her oh's ex still treats the house like her own, coming into the kitchen, out staying her welcome etc. Move and make it your own

I don't think you would be unreasonable at all to want to move. Not really because of the ex, but because you'd be moving into your DP's home, with everything set up the way that he's arranged it, if that makes sense. You'll always be the incomer in the setup.

I'm in the opposite situation, if DP & I ever move in together, for financial reasons it'd most likely be into my house (I bought out ex).

As it goes, my DP is easygoing to an extreme, so I suspect we'd be fine. But I really think that it would be better for us both to be somewhere new - where we could build a lifestyle from scratch that worked for us both.