Would you send your child to private school if they weren’t academically bright?

[Notinlalaland]

Just that.
DS in state secondary (yr 4) . Considering private for secondary. He’s not particularly excellent in any subject. Maybe even struggles at some. Not sporty. My reason for considering private would be to get the enrichment offered by private schools. My concerns are

1. he might not pass entrance exam.
2. if he does get a place, he may struggle to keep up and would feel bad about himself.
3. we’re comfortably off but don’t have big house/flashy cars etc. Is that going to cause dissatisfaction by comparison?

So am I just being silly even considering it?

Would welcome thoughts from anyone with private sector experience or just general wisdom from MN people.

It depends entirely on the school. They are so very, very different.

They're very strong reasons not to IMO

There is a difference between fee paying and selective schools, so if you choose a school where academic attainment is not their main entrance criteria, he would presumably be eligible to attend. I think the 'dissatifaction' you refer to depends on your child and their (and your) attitude. There is no reason he cannot flourish anywhere he goes, but many people would see a private education to offer opportunities that he may not get elsewhere. I suppose it boils down to your aspirations and personal opinions.

Yes those are the exact circumstances that i would. My children are very academic and dont need private education to excel. I therefore invest the money in a diff8way for their future. Mediocre or poor performers academically need it much more. I definitely would consider it in your circumstances.

Also private schools vary hugely from the academically selective to the Purely y financially selective so you need to find the right schol that suits your child's prowess for hockey/drama/chess/Rugby whatever

My 2 dds both attend private school. Within both their year groups the children range academically, all the way from top to bottom of the grade boundaries. The school are great at helping those less academic fulfill their potential in other ways, music, drama, sports.
The parents come in all forms too, from Ferrari's and Bentley's to 15 year old fiestas. Professional footballers and global CEOs to nurses and receptionists.
No one seems to care or bat an eyelid.

The reason we do is mainly the class sizes 40 students in year 11 split into 3 classes and 14 children in year 1 with 3 teachers.
The extra curricular activities are phenomenal, horse riding, fishing, sailing etc...

A friend left a state school to go and work at a none selective private, lasted a term. She said it was just for money making, teaching standards were poor, behaviour wasn't great and she felt really sorry for some of the students. So be careful where you pick

Yes 100%
Obviously don't pick a highly selective, sporty and competitive school.
My son is at. Small, nurturing private school with high staff to pupil ratios so the kids benefit from lots of support. Sport and music are for all not just those most able.
There are lots of extras on offer from riding, Sailing, judo, archery, fencing, swimming, football, art etc
Have a look what schools you have in your area and go and visit them. Most private schools are charities not money making businesses .

I think if considering independent that you need to Choose your school carefully. I agree with other pp that it probably would be very good for him, a broader and more rounded education, wider curriculum than in state and could be very beneficial in term of class sizes. However you need to find one that is going to build him up and boost his confidence and I would suggest that anywhere that has entrance exams might be a bad place to start? I would suggest you look at as many as you can comfortably get to in a reasonable time (maybe 15/20 minutes) and see what your gut instinct is. Maybe ask about senco support, where children go next,

I think the right school could help a great deal. They are not all selective and you have to look at each school individually. There is no point in him feeling less confident about himself so choose wisely. Several big name schools are not choosy but I would look at anything he’s good at and build on that.

Our school is non selective. Yet it has good results as many selective schools. It certainly is not for money making, the teaching is good, and the fact that class sizes are smaller helps tremendously. Standards of behaviour are high and by and large the kids are very well behaved.
I think it will benefit your child as he may get more attention and support. Very bright children can excel wherever they go, but in your case he will be kept to and helped to maintain a standard that he may not be supported at in a state school. And there does tend to be other opportunities not available in some state schools due to financial restrictions. For example our school does D of E and CCF but none of the state schools nearby do.
Forget about the flashy car thing - he’d have to go to a very exclusive school for that to be an issue.

I think the flashy house/cars reason is plain silly.

If you think he'll struggle to get in/keep up, I see the point, it might upset him.

But the main thing is, why would you want him there?

Surely that is the most important factor, and you don't mention it . I don't know what 'enrichment' means (and I'm an academic with several years of interviewing for Oxbridge admissions behind me).

Do you mean in terms of things like music, arts, etc? If so, that doesn't require private school though I take the point it might come easier there - or, given that you say he doesn't have a particular talent, it might come better as private tutoring where he could go at his own pace.

Or do you mean extra-curricular activities?

Or is it just snobbery?

Sorry to be so blunt, but it matters. Most private schools still expect some subs for expensive activities, so it's not as if you'd budget only for fees. I am not doing down private schools. I know people who went there for reasons ranging from severe dyslexia to bad bullying, who thrived. But I think you need to be clear what you're getting for your money, and whether or not you could provide the same benefits to your child without making him feel put on the spot with entrance exams.

FWIW, lots of us who don't look 'bright' at 11 or so do very well in later life, and it'd be rotten for him to spend his teens feeling he doesn't measure up.

Depends on the school.
Not all private schools are selective - if your DS isn’t very academic then I’d probably avoid the selective ones.

My dd is very confident and academic, so I wouldn't waste money on a private education for her. She is positively thriving in the state system and that money can be better invested elsewhere.

If I had dc who were academically average and/or lacking in confidence, I might consider going private. Same if they lacked self-motivation and really needed pushing.

We did. Best thing we ever did. Still paying for it now (Dh and I are teachers). The school had excellent pastoral care and he loved it there. He is now approaching 20, independent and working successfully in a field he wanted to do since he was 8. The school gave him the confidence and boosted him whereas he would have probably been lost in a bigger state school as an average academic boy. He left at 6th form to go to one of the top performing arts schools in the country but his indie gave him a fantastic grounding.

As a teacher I agree with Hollowvictory. Small class sizes, happy teachers=happy kids.

I wouldn’t
Save the money for his house deposit
Buy some books and give him a bit of tutoring at home yourself

It depends on the school, not all public ones are academically hothouses.

We considered it when DD was in Y5, not only because of academically issues but also because she is on the ADD spectrum and we felt a smaller class, smaller school could benefit her.

Unfortunately the two non-selective ones, while good on pastoral care, are not known for good academic results, one only goes up to Y11, the other has a tiny sixth form with not a lot of subjects to choose from.

In the end we went the state school route and DD actually improved significantly. It comes out that she needs the structure of a proper timetable, rules and a more classic view on education. While we still have issues she moved from just skimping average to above average on one year.

Taking to one of her old primary teachers by chance some weeks ago, she actually confirmed that observation and thinks that primary is often too unstructured for some children to really reach their potential.

Thanks everyone
After I wrote the post I felt like I was stupid to even consider private school.
My main wish is for him to be happy and reach his potential, whatever grade that maybe.
He’s adamant he wants to go to local state high school which is outstanding but his decision is based on friends going there. Which is silly because chances are they’ll be in different classes.
Have made appointments to go and visit a couple of schools.

I would want to be very sure that the school was financially viable too. I’ve heard of very small private schools being unable to continue and the children having to find somewhere else to go.

As everyone has said, look for a school that will cater for his needs. That will not be one that has entry criteria. You will need to make sure that there is support for learning difficulties, if he has them and that the pastoral care is good.

If I could afford it, I'd send them

Actually with the right school I absolutely would. Small class sizes and more teaching support would help your DS to achieve to the best of his ability.

You wouldn't be alone either, plenty of nice-but-dims get to university having had a private education to push them through.

I would be careful where you pick and go in with your eyes open and lots of questions and a clear idea of what you want from the schools.

Forget the flashy cars comment, if it's the right private school there shouldn't be any issue. I went to a private school and no one had any money except what they were paying for private schools so most had uk/maybe France driving holidays each year but that was it. We are in a poor area and private school fees had to be subsidised for most as it was.

Average students were the ones who got the most value for money. The school enabled some to get 5Cs at gcse which they wouldn't have done without the level of input they received through outstanding teaching and small class sizes. At a level those predicted 3Cs came out with ABB which was an enormous improvement and enabled them to go better universities etc. A work ethic and revision techniques were established early on and stood them in good stead for life.

But you have to get the right school. As others have said, some can be an exceptional waste of money

I wouldn’t send my child to private school. I want them to mix with children from all walks of life