Would you send your child to private school if they weren’t academically bright?

[Notinlalaland]

Just that.
DS in state secondary (yr 4) . Considering private for secondary. He’s not particularly excellent in any subject. Maybe even struggles at some. Not sporty. My reason for considering private would be to get the enrichment offered by private schools. My concerns are

1. he might not pass entrance exam.
2. if he does get a place, he may struggle to keep up and would feel bad about himself.
3. we’re comfortably off but don’t have big house/flashy cars etc. Is that going to cause dissatisfaction by comparison?

So am I just being silly even considering it?

Would welcome thoughts from anyone with private sector experience or just general wisdom from MN people.

But each to their own, I know a lot on here opt to pay for schooling

On the whole I don't think 'brightness' should have much to do with a decision as to whether to send to private school.
Surely it should be about what a school offers compared with the state option.
If anything a private school (with its smaller classes) might benefit a less academic child more than an academic child.

So if you want it for the enrichment stuff and think that is worth the £££, and can afford it, then go for it, and choose an appropriate school.

I wouldn't pay to send a non-academic child to private school. I don't see the point in investing the money if they aren't academic. To be fair, I wouldn't send any child to private school even if I could afford it. Seems like a hell of a waste of money.

My son has had two primary experiences.

The first a local village state school. Staff were great, lovely small class sizes. Lovely kids and parents, community spirit etc.

Then a forced move for work meant we put him into a private prep (as the new state local class sizes quite large).

This school has been amazing, the skills of the teachers, the facilities, admin staff, technology, trips, building, food, teaching resources are out of this world. He has absolutely flourished there and it has been worth every penny.

He is a bright kid and whilst his state school was good, they just weren't able to stretch him enough. The prep has been the making of him though.

We saw a huge difference in him once at the prep.

So I guess there are great state schools and not so great private schools.

I might consider it if I could find a school that offered a gentle education and nurtured pupils regardless of ability, which sounds like the right type of school for the op's son. You might find he really blossoms in the right environment, op.

The private schools near to me are excellent but highly academic (mine went to one), so I'd have to look further afield for the sort of school I described above. They do exist. Mine adult now so not an issue for me but it's interesting to read about other people's quests.

Those of you who are anti private schools, have you ever visited any???

I used to worry about the social factor but at least 1/3 of the parents in our state primary are as well off or wealthier and it’s anyway a bubble. The smaller class sizes and happier teachers would make me want to look into it.

My sister struggled, and my parents looked into private on the basis that they were more likely to find something she could excel at since academic subjects weren’t her strong suit.

There is a difference between fee paying and selective schools,

This wot @Mac47 said ^

I went to a private school that was largely academically selective. To keep the income up, they had a non-selective class in our year that I rarely interacted with outside of games. Those people received the same education, but are largely all now still living at home, or in careers that they would've gotten had their parents saved the cash and sent them to a state school. Some got too involved in the drugs scene there, and without managing academics along the side. Some got into serious trouble.

I'd advise saving the cash, getting them in a good state school and then using the money to find something your child is passionate about: a hobby, trade or other skill. I hope that doesn't sound mean, I'm sure your child is lovely, just think the benefits of many private schools are grossly overstated.

If you have a child that struggles at school, you try what you can. There’s no chance to run the experiment twice. It’s possible the kids that didn’t get sent private could’ve had even worse outcomes, and that no difference still made the parents feel they were trying to do something before giving up.

Every wants to find the 'right' school for their DC. Considering fee paying options will widen the choice and increase the likelihood that you find the right school

Thanks everyone for your replies.
It’s so hard. I keep going from “private” one day to “state” the next.
As someone said it’s like an experiment you only get to do once. There’s no control and no knowing what the outcome would’ve been if you’d tried the other option.
My worry with private is what if everyone is better than him and he feels constantly demoralised at being bottom of class.
My worry with state is - what if he doesn’t get the extra attention he needs and so doesn’t achieve his potential.
At the end of the day the main thing is we all want our children to be happy.

My DD is pretty average (good at spelling/English) but really weak at maths. We’ve sent her to a school that specialises in getting average children good GCSE’s.
TBH we’ve done private and state and private wins every time. DS1 is at an outstanding grammar and it’s really not as good as the small prep he was st previously.

It's about happiness too isn't it, we only get one life. I know some people sacrifice their dc on the spikes of their ideals but id send him

I was privately educated at a non selective school from 11. Yes we could spend Thursday afternoons sailing and the extra curricular activities were tremendous. There was an Earl's daughter and a Duke's daughter in my school year. I hated it. The bullying was horrendous. I'd have much preferred to stick with my primary school friends and go to the local state school.

My children will be going to local state schools. If there are any subjects I consider poorly taught I can afford a tutor. If there are any extra curricular activities desired, I can pay for it myself. The reason I can do all this is my state educated DH earns a good wage. Oh and we might have some savings to contribute to a house deposit.

Parents will never admit they wasted their money on private education, as it is such a colossal expense. But IMO many do.

I will admit for some parents it is worth the sacrifice, but not all.

I would not wait till secondary if you are worried about him now. Why wait a few more years as he will find it harder to catch up. A good private school will give him all the help he needs to fulfill his potential.