Have you managed to treat your children EXACTLY the same?

[Shitsandgigglez]

I try so hard to treat mine the same but they have such different personalities that, thinking about it, I'm not sure I do. One of them is much more of a people person and quite charming and probably gets away with more. This is me talking v frankly by the way - they both have clear boundaries and A LOT of love and it's possibly not noticeable to them. But im worried it maybe is. I can't really explain it but I guess maybe personalities mean that something may be out of character for one which I would question whereas not for the other IYSWIM.

I'm not talking in terms of male/female safety differences by the way. More of a non specific way...

Nope. I don't aim to treat them equally. They're very different people and we have very different relationships. I aim to treat them equitably.

I try and treat mine the same, however they are different ages so the eldest has a bit more freedom due to being able to walk to school etc, and have a phone. But the youngest will have this also as they get older. I think this is fair enough, and they understand it is due to age and maturity. (well mainly)

No they are incredibly different so things are very different with each of them . Each of them know I have their back at all times and will help facilitate what they want to do. DD wanted to travel after GCSE, DS not interested so that money will go towards driving which DD refuses to try.

No probably due to pnd with child 1.
This I think had a huge influence on my relationship with my first child.

I know that I am more negative towards my eldest and I find him extremely challenging, this has been true from him being a tiny baby.

My second child is an absolute breeze in comparison, easy to parent, no problems.

Also due to a million reasons there is a 10 year gap between my kids so of course I treat them differently.

I feel desperately guilty about this.

I’ve always treated mine completely different. They are very different from each other.

No, they are treated according to their needs, artifically trying to make everything equal would drive me mad. Obviously if I was going to give them say a tenner to buy themselves something they'd get the same but in anything else it wouldn't be something I'd take into account.

I think I should have said ignoring age differences too m. So were they treated the same at the same age. I guess it's impossible really isn't it.

I read a thread about someone realising they were the golden child and it made me think - shit! I hope none of mine think there's a golden child because there is not at all! I love them the same without a shadow of a doubt, but they are like chalk and cheese so how I respond to different scenarios with each of them definitely varies

Threads from adult children on mumsnet always panic me as it makes me question how I'm treating mine.

Nope. I don't see how you possibly can given that when you have one there's only one and when you have a second there's two! Mine are only young still but for instance at the moment ds has started school and dd only does 2 days are preschool so she has my full attention 3 days a week- we do all sorts of fun things that ds misses out on but also missed on because I had two to take care of when he was dd's age . I imagine there will be countless inequalities over the years.

No it’s not the same - because there is less time now there are 2 and just about keeping up with things. But i try to give both ds’s individual time.

I magus the OP means treating both fairly- exactly the same would be odd surely as all children are different

OP I think being aware of the golden child thing shows you aren't doing that. It seems to come from a place of lacking in awareness.

I encourage ds1 to form a good relationship with ds2. I made me smile that he picked a fairground prize that ds2 would like!

I get what you're saying OP. I have 3 girls very close in age so I'm forever second guessing myself if I'm doing everything 'fairly ' it is difficult though as all 3 are very different. I try to enough them all to do clubs that interest them but my middle one is not interested any more and my youngest does a couple and wants to do one more but I feel that worry that when my middle one gets older she will forget it was entirely her choice and I'll be blamed for her not being the 'golden child' and there are endless things like this all the time!

I guess I just try and give them all the same opions and it's up to them what they choose. I'm just hoping they dont ever think I favoured one more.

I have 2 boys who are opposites, I try to treat them equally, but most importantly I have tried to never compare them, pitch them against eachother, or favour one.

We almost trained them to stick up for eachother (against us) rather than letting them play favourites.

I think/hope this has worked

But it's not easy to treat them completely equally, and not something you need to beat yourself up about, unless there is clear favouritism (a friend of mine always calls her 2 boys "the black sheep" and "pure gold", that was not great for either boy....)

Same as mbosnz has said. It's pretty impossible to do otherwise

Agree it is about fairness, equality of opportunity, letting them both have turns to shine, noticing their individual strengths and weaknesses and supporting them.

My parents had both grown up in families where they were treated unequally, so tried (my mother especially) very hard to be fair to us. I think they succeeded fairly well, but my sister was aware of things she couldn't do and has at times tried to claim it wasn't fair - actually, these were limited by lack of finances, and as it was my mother sometimes expressed to me her concern that more money was being spent on my sister!

My own children have had very different paths through school so far, and yet they are absolutely illustrative of equality of opportunity as both have attended choirschools, the eldest having articulated her interest, the youngest demonstrated similar interest but didn't talk about it let alone directly ask. Their personalities are quite different and require different handling.

We aim for fairness if you like rather than treating them the same. I also ask them sometimes if they feel treated fairly.

They are very different (both girls and 2 and a half years between them).

Certainly they get the same in terms of money spent on them / time / attention.

When they were younger the youngest tended to be more "charming" to other people and got more attention from them so we tried to be a bit careful about that.

Forgot to say, both DH and I were and still are, treated very differently by our parents so we are trying very hard not to reproduce that!

Yes to equality of opportunity and never comparing them. I think that's the best we can do isn't it?

What would you do if one was V talented at something at the other was shite at it but enjoyed it? Said hobby costs a lot of money. Would spend equally or would you try to guide Shit-but-enjoys-it towards something more suited to them?

Btw not been in that situation yet but can imagine it popping up

My 2 are incredibly differ d have different needs and wants so treating them the same would be unfair.
I do treat them equally though

No not the same. Not at all, they're both very different people. I have tried my best to be fair and equal and that's all any of us can do.

I don't think you can. My youngest is so much better behaved than his sister, I end up telling her off so much more. But then she's much more sporty and hobby orientated so gets bought loads more stuff as it is needed. Their older sister has health issues so over the years we have cut her quite a bit more slack then we will/would for the others over various issues. I may well have some of this flung in my face later...... But I love them all equally and try not to be favourity.

I treat my 5 as individuals and equally. Definitely not the same. It's very fair though and they've given me no complaints. Eldest 21, youngest 14 months.