Have you managed to treat your children EXACTLY the same?

[Shitsandgigglez]

I try so hard to treat mine the same but they have such different personalities that, thinking about it, I'm not sure I do. One of them is much more of a people person and quite charming and probably gets away with more. This is me talking v frankly by the way - they both have clear boundaries and A LOT of love and it's possibly not noticeable to them. But im worried it maybe is. I can't really explain it but I guess maybe personalities mean that something may be out of character for one which I would question whereas not for the other IYSWIM.

I'm not talking in terms of male/female safety differences by the way. More of a non specific way...

In terms of money spent on them then no. Elder daughter stuck at a very expensive hobby shared with me, younger wasn’t interested in said hobby.

Elder went to uni and although she had the tuition fees loan and living expenses loan we subbed the living expenses.
Younger didn’t go to uni and stayed living at home, so again we didn’t need to give her money.

However, in terms of love, affection, support, then, yes they are treated equally. They are very different but I really couldn’t choose between them if I had to.

What would you do if one was V talented at something at the other was shite at it but enjoyed it? Said hobby costs a lot of money. Would spend equally or would you try to guide Shit-but-enjoys-it towards something more suited to them?

Dd is a dancer. I’ve been all over the country taking her to summer schools etc and we paid for her to attend vocational school. She’s now in professional training.

Ds likes to dance and loves musical theatre. We just paid for a local dance school and youth theatre for him. I guess it does make a difference that all dd’s stuff is elite auditioned. We did look at the drama and music departments of her school for him but realised it wouldn’t be appropriate for him. He will go to a local college to study music. I do however spend an equal amount of time ferrying him about as I did her.

I felt resentful of my younger sibling getting away with doing things sooner etc and i know my eldest child feels the same. It's true to a certain extent as by the time it's the second ones turn we've relaxed a bit.
Fortunately I've seen and heard the same conversations almost word for word with friends kids so i think it's probably typical of the oldest/youngest rivalry.

No, I can't treat them the same because they don't want the same things or have the same interests or personalities. I love them both equally and try to treat them both fairly. I have 2 DDs age 14 and 16. I think things normally balance out in the long run. There may be periods when one needs more support, money or lifts than the other, but over time this probably averages out.

No two people can be treated the exact same, we should treat them according to their needs at the particular time we are dealing with them as such.,

It would be grossly wrong to treat them the same. I'm a better parent as I get older, due to more experience; fairness does NOT mean I should make the same mistakes with DC4 as I did with DC1. Fairness is doing the best that you can at the time.

I try to treat them fairly but it's impossible to treat them the same, they are individuals and it gets harder as they get older.

I think I do, but looking at my friends, it’s very obvious that they have favourite children and are inadvertently and subconsciously treating them differently. So I’m probably guilty of the same, and I don’t realise it

I have girls aged 4 & 6 with polar opposite personalities so if I can't treat them the same, dd1 loves to sit and watch a film with me and doesn't speak at all throughout whereas dd2 isn't interested in TV at all and loves role playing together.

I do however treat them the same regarding boundaries, discipline, reward etc.

Growing up I always felt like my older brother was the favoured one, he was always in trouble at school and right up into adult life so he had so much attention, of course a lot of it was rows etc but then when he did something good my parents heaped praise, I suppose they were trying to encourage the good but it felt like my achievements were a bit overlooked because I was the quiet one who kept my head down and got on with it.

It's made me determined not to overlook my quieter child though so some good has come from it.

Nope

My 3 are grown now too.
I've never pretended to treat them "the same" as they just aren't the same. One was born as an only child, one the 2nd, and one the youngest of three. Completely different set of circumstances from the start.

What we have done is always done our best to support them the best we can, given the circumstances at the time, and, in doing that, we have always treated them fairly. They know that that doesn't mean they always get the same.

I mean, when they were little, we made sure they had the same number of Christmas presents to open, and that sort of thing, on a very simplistic level, but as they've grown, things like that have become more geared to what they needed at the time. They know it all evens out over time.