Has anyone not done what dead person wants when it comes to dividing up their chattels?

[Legoless]

Namechanged for this.

DH is sole inheritor (and executor) of his father's estate which includes all of his mother's possessions (she died a few years ago).

When alive FIL said he would like all of MIL's designer things to go to DD (We have DD and DS, still primary school age).

I had a look - it is largely designed suitcases etc or things like Chanel sunglass cases. Not to my taste but maybe DD will like when older. But there it loads - we don't really have room to store it and I am not sure that DD should have it all.

Do you think it would be ok to choose a couple of pieces to keep for DD (at the moment she does not know there are any) to remember her grandmother by and to sell the rest - we think maybe about £3k worth and put that money into an account split between dd and ds?

Personally I don't see anything wrong in that. I've never been overly sentimental about "stuff" anyway.
I don't see the point of keeping stuff you don't want, just because it belonged to someone you loved that has passed.
I know some people find it comforting but I just don't.
Is their other relatives who might be upset by this discission should you go ahead?

If the luggage is genuine then absolutely keep as investment pieces. I think selling the rest and dividing up the money is a sensible plan.

I think your plan sounds sensible and fair enough.

I’m sorry for your loss.

I would definitely say it’s ok to do this. The entirety of an older adult women’s possessions would be a burden, not a benefit, for a school-aged girl. And from what you say, it wasn’t even the mother-in-law herself who suggested this. An inheritance is a way for the deceased to benefit the living, to allow a concrete manifestation of a shared memory etc. A swathe of decades-old designer items that are not suited to your daughter’s age or lifestyle or needs doesn’t strike me as in the spirit of what might be of benefit to your daughter. I think your compromise of a few select items, that your daughter might particularly associate with her grandmother (eg if she’s wearing the sunglasses or handbag in a treasured photo) would be appropriate and sell or donate the rest. Depending on your daughter’s age, I don’t think I’d involve her in the selection - it could be overwhelming and upsetting.

If you want to balance it more in favor of keeping more things, you could sell a small part and use that money to pay for storage. But I honestly think your plan is by far the best.

YANBU (I assume DH is on board with this plan?).

My husbands grandmother cut him out of her will because he's adopted and therefore in her words "not a proper relative" he was adopted at 6 weeks old!!

His dad and brother pooled their inheritance and split it 3 ways so dh was included. She would have hated it but she wasn't there so....

Obviously she was a mean old cow but my point is once it's been bequeathed and the person has passed away then it's yours to do what you like with. I think your idea is good and will be far more valuable to your dd and her future.

Motortroll my dad and 3 of his 5 siblings did the same - pooled their inheritance to share equally with the one sibling that had been cut out. Their thinking was that they were ending their dead parent still controlling and dividing them from beyond the grave. The siblings are stronger than ever when they could have really broken apart over the stupid terms of the will.

Do what works for the happiness, goodwill and cohesiveness of the living family. The deceased are gone and won't know or care.

And also motor what a horrible thing to do to your poor DH because he was adopted. Some people are just foul

See if any thing is worth money. Suitcases might be. Sell stuff keep the money.

Definitely ok. I just see inheritance gifts as an absolute burden unless it's something you actually want. Nobody wants someone else's suitcase collection, designer or not.

I think your plan is perfect.

Inheriting things which have no personal associations is such a burden - sometimes even when they have. It's understandable that your FIL was unable to clear out these things and that they had value for him, but really, your dd will have no idea what these things are. She might though feel unable to clear them herself and they'll go on mouldering expensively away in storage. I feel a bit anxious at the thought. Sell all most if them.

My grandparents bought a family cemetery plot, and are now buried there. They bought 4 spaces, for themselves and their 2 children. My dad paid the fees on it while he was alive (for decades) . When he was dying (young), he made us promise we would ban his estranged sister from accessing the 4th plot. He figured he had the right as he’d paid for it. And he hated the idea of spending eternity with his sister.

We agreed, but have recently told our Aunty she may count on using it. Our loyalty to our grandparents wishes were just stronger than our promise to him.

Your situation seems much simpler- don’t think you’ll have any guilt there!

Thanks all. That is reassuring. And yes dh agrees and there are no other relatives (dh is only child).

I'd go with your plan.
What's fashionable now probably won't be in 20 years time. So a couple of keep sakes for DD. I'd probably try and sell the rest while its still valuable and bank the cash for her so you can't be accused of stealing stuff. Maybe take some photos before you sell or auction it.

I'm not sure about this tbh. I think if dgm wanted them to go to your dd they should. If she doesn't like them when she's older she could sell them and use the money. I will admit to being biased though as my dgf expressed how happy he was my preemie dd had survived shortly before he died and asked my dm and her sis to give me a significant amount of money from his estate to help with making a home. I only found out about this years later when a letter came to light and received nothing.
I do know this is slightly different but feel dd should have the choice later and respect her dgms wishes

The designer stuff is your DD's. If you want your DS to have an equivalent amount of money so that he doesn't feel left out that should come out of what your DH inherits, not your DD's inheritance. So if you sell the designer stuff and make £5k then I don't think you should split that £5k but your DD keeps the £5k as that is hers legally and then you give your DS £5k out of your DH's inheritance. Why should your DD forgo what her grandmother wanted her to have?

It's good you want to make this fair between your DD and DS but do it with your money not DD's.

I agree with Annielouise.

I don’t think you should burden DD with all this stuff. I’m dreading having to sort out all of PIL stuff after they die.

If my mum has done this to me over my MIL’s belongings that had been handed down I would be quite cross. By the time DD is old enough the belongings may well appeal as vintage even if not to your current taste. I would do everything I could to store them for DD.

Well legally it’s his stuff so he can do whatever he wants with it. Let his conscience decide I supppse. I would have a proper look through the things though. Certain designer pieces have a long term investment value. They can be great investments in that they are generally classed as wasting assets and escape CGT.

How old is DD?

She is 7.
It is not what MIL requested. It is what FIL suggested some years after her death.

My DBs and I jointly inherited DM's estate except I inherited all the chattels. We decided to just split everything evenly as it was easier. I'm sure DM wouldn't have minded.

In your case I'd totally go with your plan.

I'm guessing that MIL's possessions were legally left to DH? Then I see nothing wrong with your idea, it was only a suggestion of FIL's anyway.