Baby shower do and dont's?

[EmeraldIsle81]

Hi Mumsnet, planning a baby shower but not been to many myself. Looking for ideas here, dos and don't s , do I invite my partners female friends and family too? Do I invite male family members? Is it just sit around and eat food, what else are you supposed to do? Do the guests bring their own kids? Not a clue really .... thanks!!

Is it for you or someone else?

Mumsnet is the wrong place to ask about baby showers alot of people think they are grabby American tradtion

Are you planning your own?

I had a family baby shower- invited men and women. I put on a spread of some cakes and treats, we did a few 'games' e.g. guess the birthday, guess the weight, name suggestions. We mainly just chatted and had a catch up before baby arrived really. I was about 36 weeks.
Others I've been to have ranged from pretty informal like mine to proper themed parties which tbh felt OTT. I particularly didn't like being told what present to bring as I always think it's nice to do something a little personal but hey ho. Other games I've played include decorate a baby grow/bib, design a page of a baby book, guess the gender and a gender 'reveal', there are little cards you can get where you fill in your best words of advice and stuff like that, a particularly long-winded "game show" thing the OTT party did with several rounds - can't remember them all now - racing games to put nappies on dolls and stuff like that. Mostly it's just women, sometimes kids are welcome sometimes not so make it clear in the invite. Do whatever you want to do really- I had mine at home but been to a couple where we've had afternoon tea out and that was nice too. Really whatever you fancy.

Well it's MN so it's a wholesale 'don't'.

Are you planning your own? As grabby and unnecessary as I find them isn't the point that someone hosts it for you?

Whoops, yes should have said I am the mum to be and it was a friend who approached me to help me organise the event.

Sounds like you are planning your own, though normally your sister, mum or best mate would do it for you.
I guess anything is possible but traditionally you invite female family and friends. You should extend this to your partner’s female relatives. Kids are generally not included.
The form of the ones I’ve been to are like afternoon tea or lunch. You eat etc open the presents and could do some silly games like ‘guess the gender’ (no idea what that entails I find the games no fun at all). Anyway the main thing is you are being ‘showered with presents’. Which is why it has a negative association here.

Ah right, I see. I didn't know what it was, it seemed like a modern thing to do. I've also heard of a 'sip and see' once the baby is born to bring people together to meet the baby. Is that a grabby' thing too?

And thank you for talking the time to read and post a response! You have helped enormously with the info, detail and experiences. Xx

Sorry Op. As someone who loves showers, (they are very common here in Canada), I have to say that the first rule of planning a shower ( of any type) is that you cannot throw one for yourself. Your family and or friends must be the hosts. Anything else is justifiably seen as grabby.

A baby shower is seen as grabby by many as its literally just used a way of getting gifts. In America that is their custom but in the UK tradition was that people would buy gifts and give them once baby was here.

If you are just intending on having it because thats what everyone seems to do then why not wait and just have people over to see the baby once s/he is here?

Ah right, yes I always give my friends a gift after they have their baby. I didn't realise the bby sher meant gifts before the baby is born. I thought it was just a get together of people, like a hen party is to a wedding, you don't get gifts at a hen and I would not expect any either. I thought the same thing for bby shwr. Okay, I understand this a bit better now thank you all xx

Just don't do it at all!

A baby shower is seen as grabby by many as its literally just used a way of getting gifts. In America that is their custom

American here. It's not the custom in the US to give one for yourself. In fact, where I live in the Deep South, the etiquette is that even close family members should not host. Showers are usually hosted by friends of the mom-to-be. And they are not just for the purpose of giving gifts. It's a way of celebrating someone's entry into motherhood. (Another aspect of etiquette in the US is that showers are not normally given for subsequent children, only the first.)

I cannot stand the idea of them, but I have been to one which I enjoyed. It was arranged by the mum-to-be's friends, and they asked that, instead of a gift for mum and/or baby, you took a raffle prize. I saw boxes of biscuits, chocolates, bottle of wine, yankee candle etc. These were then raffled on the day, and the proceeds went to the SCBU at the local hospital. I thought this was a lovely idea, and was happy to participate. I then bought a gift for baby when she had actually arrived.

They are not a grabby American tradition, in American they are lovely and not grabby. The UK has taken it and twisted it into a grabby thing.
Its's given by friends, there are games, more modern ones do incluse the men, although the ones I went to men arrived at the end. No alcohol was served as the Mum can't drink, so it was teas coffees, and soft drinks. Kids were discouraged and usually ended up with the men.
It's a way of getting all the women together and talking, reminicing, and just having a lovely afternoon together.
Everyone I've been to played the peg game, all get a 2 pegs on arrival, pin them to your blouse/collar/wherever, if you cross your legs when you sit anyone who sees you can claim a peg. who has the most pegs at the end wins a prize (usually chocolates or something inexpensive) Another was if you said a certain word (different at each shower) instead of cross your legs.

It's also unlucky traditionally in the UK to give presents before the baby has arrived. Sort of inviting trouble. So just have a 'meet the baby' after. You can host that yourself and say 'no presents'.

And twee games and no alcohol?

Much as they're not my thing (I'm still in the tradition of buying gifts once baby is here), you shouldn't throw one yourself.

The nice ones I've been to have been a lunch for a few friends and family with small token gifts given. Anything more than that (twee games etc) seems a bit much for me.

Nothing wrong with a baby shower imo.

I'd invite women only including female family members on both sides, assuming you get on with them! As well as your female friends. Basically the same crowd you'd invite to your hen night!

For food, I'd go for an afternoon tea type theme...nice sandwiches, cakes, tea and prosecco for anyone who wants an alcoholic drink.

There's lots of baby shower games you can play...I'm sure you can google for ideas.

"Slip and see"

Good lord

I had one that was arranged by two close friends. It was just friends that came to mine, about 12 of them, and we went to a paint your own pot place and had afternoon tea. It was more of a gathering to celebrate the fact I had finally got the baby I never thought I would have. We did receive some gifts and cards, but they were never expected. Some friends actually chose things to paint for the baby, a money box and some animal ornaments for his memory box :)

And twee games and no alcohol?
I'm sure there are many things in other cultures you would find twee, it's not about being cool or whatever you want to call it, it's about family and female friends getting together, you bring 90 year old aunt Edna and 16 year old great grand daughters all to the same party. Alcohol has nothing to do with it.
I'm sure you'd find Quilting bees and Knitting circles, and pot luck suppers in the church meeting rooms twee too. But they are social gatherings, not designed to drink alcohol or put on a show.

Well a baby shower is a version of a show. I think many people worry about celebrating a baby before it’s safely arrived. Many of us know mums who have had still born bs ies or late miscarriages. It’s just better to celebrate a new life and new parents when it actually happens. Not the anticipation of it happening.