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Original poster

Young mums, how do you feel now your kids have grown up!

33 replies

HotChocolateLover · 09/06/2019 12:06

I had DS aged 19 and he’s 16 now. He’s my only child and i’ve Just turned 36 so i’ll be 38 when I have a grown up child. I go between feeling, oh well at least I can go on holiday whenever I want, to feeling sad that whilst my mates are going through the exciting baby stage i’ve Been there and done that. I feel a bit like the kid that spent all their money in the first 5 minutes at the fair and now has to watch everyone have
Fun. DS is my ex-husband’s child and it’s not like I could even have another baby because i’m On strong epilepsy drugs, with uncontrolled seizures and DH has had the snip.

Is it just me or do other young mums feel the same?

OP posts:

CakeNinja · 09/06/2019 13:14

I had my eldest also at 19, she is 15 now, I’m 34.
I feel great to be honest, we do lots together and am absolutely relieved to not be going through all the baby stuff now, sleepless nights, chicken pox, teething etc.
I did have 2 more children after that so I’m not quite on the home straight to holidays when I want but it’s in sight and that’s lovely.
Such an open question really, there are always pros and cons to every situation but I feel having my dc young has worked out well for us and would do it again the same way.

5BlueHydrangea · 09/06/2019 13:18

Have another one.... I did! Had dd1 at 18, but always wanted more. Finally it all came together (different partner) and I had dd2 when dd1 was 18! I realise this is fairly unusual, but have actually met quite a lot I feel of Mums with similar age gaps. I know that's not what you really asked...

tabulahrasa · 09/06/2019 13:31

I was 17 when I had my eldest, they’re 23 and 19...

I’m happy I’m well past that stage when I’m around people with babies and young DCs tbh.

I like that they’re adults, that I get to be more friends with them now - I mean it’s not quite, it’s still parental, lol, but I get the benefits of having them around without the big responsibilities.

I can work late and they’ll make dinner rather than me stressing about it, I can go away or have nights out without having to sort childcare or even sort out someone to look after the cat.

And all the rubbish jobs that come with kids are gone, days ruled by nursery and school times, constant washing and ironing that sort of stuff.

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offtowindycastle · 09/06/2019 13:34

I had another one. Also had DD1 at 19 and then DD2 at 29... I regularly switch between "OMG what did I do- I could be nearly free by now" and "cor, it's easier second time round"

I have lots of child free by choice friends in their mid-thirties; they seem to have very fulfilled lives- lots of holidays, hobbies and tidy homes!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 09/06/2019 13:38

I realise this is fairly unusual, but have actually met quite a lot I feel of Mums with similar age gaps.

Actually I’d say that is fairly common.

An old friend’s older sister had a baby in her teens, her twenties, her thirties and her forties. Nowhere near as shocking as it sounds - she had her kids at 19 & 21 (first husband) and 36 and 40 (and 3 days!) - second husband.

Original poster

HotChocolateLover · 09/06/2019 13:46

I know I definitely don’t want another baby even though I feel sad I can’t have one with DH, if that makes sense. I guess I need to look on the bright side e.g. I get lie ins and DS is fairly self sufficient. Or maybe i’m Looking ahead to empty nest syndrome 😂

OP posts:

thenewaveragebear1983 · 09/06/2019 15:21

I had my dd at just turned 20 and she's now 15, although I have since married and have two younger boys as well, and Dh. I am a lot younger than her friends mums (who are all in their 50's) and I think she likes having a younger, dare I say 'cooler' mum who she can talk about music and tv shows with, and we have a really lovely relationship. I think I'm quite strict but also fair and approachable, and I think she knows this and appreciates it. And I know how lucky I am that she is so good and doesn't give me any of the trouble and strife I gave my parents at her age, so I trust her and I think this gives us a really strong relationship.

FleetwoodStorms · 09/06/2019 15:35

I am a lot younger than her friends mums (who are all in their 50's) and I think she likes having a younger, dare I say 'cooler' mum who she can talk about music and tv shows with, and we have a really lovely relationship

I'm in my 50s with a 14 year old and am perfectly capable of talking about TV shows, music, fashion, anything at all with her thanks

Thertruthisoutwhere · 09/06/2019 15:46

Lol fleetwood! And im younger than bear and am rubbish at current TV and music! Give me spice girls anyday hahah

thenewaveragebear1983 · 09/06/2019 15:58

That wasn't exactly what I meant, but I can see I might have worded it badly! I think her friends think it's hilarious that their mums could actually be my mum and yes, in our particular situation, her friends mums are definitely less in touch with the Yoof of today.

Clutterfreeintraining · 09/06/2019 16:17

I was 23 when I had ds (he's nearly 17 now) so not especially young but quite a bit younger than ds' friends parents.

Many of my friends my age have younger children.

I have loved the last couple of years with ds. We've been on some great holidays together and daily life is quite relaxed most of the time (excepting exam season).

However, I am looking ahead to the time when he'll move out and it's making me feel a little strange. Ds' dad has never played an active parenting role and I've spent so long trying to compensate for that, I haven't planned for what will happen when the day-to-day parenting malarky stops. I've always joked about an extended gap year but as that time is fast approaching, I'm actually a little anxious about it

sugarcubed · 09/06/2019 16:27

Had ds at 22, he’s now 23 and I feel so free! Like I don’t have to think about anyone but myself now (mostly) so I can do as I please. I’m glad I had him young and had much more energy then, don’t think I could do it now. Love having all this time to myself and like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know kids never ‘really’ stop needing their parents completely but where he’s so independent now of course it’s a revelation!

PortiaCastis · 09/06/2019 16:28

I'm 38 dd is 20 I have just the one, did want another when I was married to her Father but changed my mind . I'm divorced but in a relationship with someone else although he's a bf not a partner so don't think I'll have anymore, also like my freedom to do more or less what I want now and go where I please. Dd and I get on really well and she's doing ok at uni so I have a lot to be thankful for

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 09/06/2019 16:30

I had DS at 22. He's my only. I turn 40 this year and he turns 18. I'm going on holiday for 40th and he's pet sitting. I do what I want when I want. I love it.

NotSoThinLizzy · 09/06/2019 16:45

I had mine just turned 16 shes 10 this year so by the time in 32 shell be 16 already told me shes moving out then 😂 I've just started again DS is 2 and 3rd on the way

FleetwoodStorms · 09/06/2019 20:28

yes, in our particular situation, her friends mums are definitely less in touch with the Yoof of today

I really doubt it. They may be older than you but they have teenagers too so they will be exposed to the same youth culture that you are.

PeoniesarePink · 09/06/2019 20:34

I'm 48, and my youngest is now 21. We have 2 at home still and our eldest has 4 children... so I'm nanny too. I really enjoy ours being adults, to be honest, and feel like we've got great relationships with them. We can book nights out and holidays without having to keep compromising and thinking what is everyone else doing, and DH and I have so much more independence. And we're kept young with the grandkids even though I'm ready for a lie down in a dark room after they've gone

HelenaJustina · 09/06/2019 20:37

Had my eldest at 23, not as young as some here but my youngest at 28 so more of a spread.
I do sometimes reflect on turning 40, celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary in the same year and DC1 being 17... old enough to leave in charge while we swan off for a holiday!

AshQ · 09/06/2019 20:41

I had my only at 19 and he’s now 7. We do everything together and I think I’ll feel a bit lost when he starts spending less time with me. I could have another as I’m only 26 but I don’t know.

Isthebigwomanhere · 09/06/2019 20:46

Had Dd1 at 19 and DD2 at 23 they are both adults with their own lives now.
Dd1 and I have brunch once a week when we have the same day off.
Dd2 still lives at home but we barley see each other as we are always busy.
I love going on city breaks and out with friends

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 09/06/2019 20:54

I alternate between being insanely proud at how fabulous he is as a young man, and sad that he will leave home soon and leave me on my own. He has the possibility of transferring his job to Spain and outwardly I'm really encouraging and tell him to go for it, but inside I dread it. No more children for me. It's like a sick joke that DH died just after DS turned 18, just when we could have been enjoying our lives together without being ruled by school timetables.

TheMonaOgg · 09/06/2019 21:13

I had DS1 at 22 followed by DS2/3/4 whilst in my twenties. DS1 just turned 22. I enjoy spending time with them now their older - it's nice to talk to them as adults. However I had DS5 when I was 42 (he's now 3) and also have a 2 yo DGD so we're very much in toddler mode still!!

HankyPanky04 · 09/06/2019 21:16

Old! My oldest is 14 (had her at 18) and I feel old. In my head I'm A lot younger :)

FangsTasticBeast · 09/06/2019 21:17

I had ds1 at 16, he’s now 24 and has children of his own

My youngest is 6 though

Fairylea · 09/06/2019 21:18

I had my eldest when I was 22 (by a month!) and she is now doing her A levels. I waited ten years and then had her brother. So I feel old and young at the same time.. Maybe I’m now due another?! No no no.

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