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Original poster

clingy boyfriend

67 replies

nccc · 07/06/2019 16:17

Hi all, have namechanged for this.

Basically i have a boyfriend we've been together 6 months and i'm just wanting some opinions on his clingyness.

He's a lovely man although very insecure which i have been trying to support him with but some things are really grating on me now, we see each other every day and he stays at mine a lot. He will do things like stand outside the bathroom door while i'm in the bath talking to me and saying he misses me, if i go on my phone and have a notification up on say instagram he will say who's messaged you on there. If i want to read a book in bed instead of lying there cuddling him he's passive aggressive about it, likewise if he's put something i'm not particularly interested in on telly and i sit and read a magazine Hmm He moans if i dont speak to him much during the day even though i'm going to see him in the evening.

If he mentions one of his friends he'll then ask if i've slept with them, he is also constantly horny which is starting to annoy me with constant sexual comments which are making me not really want to sleep with him.

I miss being able to just relax instead of having to give him near constant attention, am i just a bad girlfriend or is he the problem?

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 07/06/2019 19:38

As others have said this is classic controlling behaviour.
Get rid it will only get worse. This relationship cannot be saved.

dontdoxmeeither · 07/06/2019 19:41

Yup, get rid. This is after six months and, as someone said, imagine this long term.

You'll be having a quick strip wash in the kitchen sink at this rate Confused

AuntMarch · 07/06/2019 19:41

I've got this far so far:

"He will do things like stand outside the bathroom door while i'm in the bath talking to me and saying he misses me"

That would be enough for me to tell him to do one. I couldn't bare it!

I'm not going back to read the rest of the OP and hope it isn't THAT bad all the time.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
AuntMarch · 07/06/2019 19:45

Oh Jesus Christ, tell him to get to fuck! It's meant to be fun, being with someone! How is this an improvement on how life was before you met him?!

Run!

notacooldad · 07/06/2019 19:47

Without being crude I bet he discourages you to have a night out with his mates
Typo. Meant a night out with "your" mates of course. They will be a bad influence or he will wonder why you need to spend time with others and not him, isnt he enough for you? It's all bullshit of course but eventually it'll be easier to stay in than put up with his nonsense. You will get fed up of him criticising what you are wearing going out ' looking like that ' your friends will get fed up. Especially if he keeps turning up in the same bars or phones ever 30 mins. It's not cute or caring. Its creepy.

I know I'm sound like I'm projecting but it is a very common pattern of behaviour that follows on from what you've described so far.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 07/06/2019 19:51

I'm joining the 'dump him' chorus.

Run far far away. This is not cute. It's not fixable. It is nasty and controlling.

BumandChips · 07/06/2019 20:11

Realistically, who cares what the outside world thinks? Are any of your friends having to put up with his clingyness? Nope.

Are they the ones having him sit outside their bathroom door because he missed them so much (see how ridiculous that is)?

Are they the ones having him questioning their instagram? Nope.

Does it affect them in any way? Nope.

So really what does you dumping him have to do with anyone else? Fuck all.

And you know what, if you as a friend told me what you’ve just written I would be thinking, WTF?? Hmm

FelicisWolf · 07/06/2019 22:05

You've asked an anonymous forum what their thoughts are, and pretty much unanimously they've given you the same answer. Because you've told us the truth on here. Whereas your friends, family and the 'outside world' only see a snippet of your relationship. Why don't you tell some of your friends and/or family what you've said here and see if they still think the relationship is perfect? They will be able to give you a more rounded opinion, but if you're completely honest with them then they should be telling you the same things we are

galaxy101 · 07/06/2019 22:09

I had one of these. He did every single thing you mention in your post. He got worse and worse and ended up emotionally and psychologically abusing me and became insanely jealous and controlling, it's taken me nearly two years to get over everything. Be careful.

Grumpelstilskin · 07/06/2019 23:06

Run for the hills!

CalmdownJanet · 07/06/2019 23:15

Dump him!! But honestly do it when people are around because he actually sounds unhinged!! If you have a rabbit it will be stewing in a pot when you get home

Seriously though, how can you even find someone so needy attractive. "I miss you" when in the bath, I mean surely the only answer to that is "I'm behind a piece of wood you needy prick, fuck off"

BenWillbondsPants · 07/06/2019 23:31

This sounds like my worst nightmare.

Seriously OP, this is not normal behaviour and will only get worse.

TheGardenisMine · 07/06/2019 23:50

@nccc I posted the original thread that
@Happynow001 has kindly linked you to.

Please please read this !

What he is doing is not how anyone should be living.

X

Drum2018 · 08/06/2019 00:00

I agree to get rid. He's a controlling asshole.

Crunchymum · 08/06/2019 07:35

I reckon your friends and family have an inkling about him OP?

No way someone this clingy let's you have a normal social life. I bet that he:

  • comes along with you when you see family and friends OR
  • pesters you with calls and messages if you are out (he has probably made you feel guilty about going out beforehand and will try to make you feel bad when you get home too) OR
  • you have reduced contact with other people to avoid the above situations

or a combination of all of the above

Jiggles101 · 08/06/2019 09:50

OMG he sounds awful, it's giving me a panic attack just reading that. How can you stand it?!

It's absolutely the foundations of coercive control, 100%.

'It's not insecurity it's control' agreed but insecurity is what leads to control in the first place, so he's not wrong. It's not your fault he's insecure though, and it's something he needs to work on himself with therapy or something. You can't fix him with love, that is the worst way to approach this.

Oh and it's not as much about being 'horny' as seeking reassurance, and possessiveness. He's basically peeing on you to mark his territory.

notacooldad · 08/06/2019 12:41

This thread has brought back a lot of memories.
The other month I was in a queue and I noticed young couple in front of me. He kissed her lightly on her forehead and gently ran his finger down the back of her neck. I went all goosebumps and cold and really had to get a grip of myself.
That was exactly howI was kissed all the time ( because I mentioned once I liked it) Even though it was 30 years ago it took me back to that place in time and all the memories came flooding back, for example being questioned about everything, being asked why I was smiling, what was I thinking about, and so on.

I hope you take on board these comments by me and others. Of course we could lol be wrong and he is fabulous but there does seem to be a pattern of behaviour that keeps coming up with people like this.

Bloody missing you while you have a bath, what a knob!!!

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