Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

clingy boyfriend

67 replies

nccc · 07/06/2019 16:17

Hi all, have namechanged for this.

Basically i have a boyfriend we've been together 6 months and i'm just wanting some opinions on his clingyness.

He's a lovely man although very insecure which i have been trying to support him with but some things are really grating on me now, we see each other every day and he stays at mine a lot. He will do things like stand outside the bathroom door while i'm in the bath talking to me and saying he misses me, if i go on my phone and have a notification up on say instagram he will say who's messaged you on there. If i want to read a book in bed instead of lying there cuddling him he's passive aggressive about it, likewise if he's put something i'm not particularly interested in on telly and i sit and read a magazine Hmm He moans if i dont speak to him much during the day even though i'm going to see him in the evening.

If he mentions one of his friends he'll then ask if i've slept with them, he is also constantly horny which is starting to annoy me with constant sexual comments which are making me not really want to sleep with him.

I miss being able to just relax instead of having to give him near constant attention, am i just a bad girlfriend or is he the problem?

OP posts:
ImperfectTents · 07/06/2019 16:45

In a year or so you will be believing him when he tells you it your fault he hits you

Bananalanacake · 07/06/2019 16:47

don't be together all the time. can't you suggest seeing him once or twice a week.

notacooldad · 07/06/2019 16:47

Wow, i do see all of your points and i do see how i'd be happier without this in my life it's just hard on the surface and to the outside world he seems perfect and would do anything for me which i think just makes it harder for some reason?
You dont ha r to justify to ' the outside world's why you end a relationship.
My long gone ex was the same with the bathroom and wanted to bath me 'because I "was so special and perfect' i had water poured over my hair and dabbled down with a sponge. That was a major turning point. I sat in the bath thinking I was being treated like a baby while ex was pampering me. I have never felt so creeped out in my life!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
FadedRed · 07/06/2019 16:47

What’s the expression on here? “More Red Flags than the USSR on May 1st”.
Please finish this relationship ASAP, Op.

RosaWaiting · 07/06/2019 16:48

get rid ASAP

he is the ultimate controlling git. how did you not get the rage when he asked such awful nosey questions - well, actually the rest of it would give me the rage too.

he is looking for a victim while pretending to be vulnerable. it's all rubbish. get rid.

IHaveBrilloHair · 07/06/2019 16:48

My 17yr old dumped someone for being too clingy and he was nowhere near as bad as you describe!
Get rid immediately.

amusedbush · 07/06/2019 16:54

to the outside world he seems perfect

But you're not on the outside, you are stuck with this fucking pathetic limpet. He honestly sounds verging on abusive with his jealousy, following you around and accusing you of sleeping with people. I've dumped people for far less.

Hecateh · 07/06/2019 16:56

I married someone like this and he just got worse.
I chatted to the guy (not remotely fanciable by me) who sold vegetables off the back of a van and I laughed at something he said, my ex accused me of having an affair with him.
I chatted to my brother in law when ex was not in the room - I was showing him up and I obviously fancied him.
Yes he was insecure but that didn't give him the right to make my life a misery,
We had 2 children under 5 - he wouldn't even let me go to the supermarket on my own. When he wasn't at work we had to be together all the time - unless he was going out.

After we split up he had the children mostly EOW but wouldn't confirm until the Friday afternoon as 'I have my children for me to see them not so that you can have a social life'
He was living with someone else (went straight to them from me) but my kids weren't supposed to see my boyfriend.

Get rid now whilst you still can. His insecurity is his problem - you can't solve it and the more you try the worse he is likely to get

RosaWaiting · 07/06/2019 16:56

and honestly, who cares what he looks like to the outside world?!

notacooldad · 07/06/2019 16:56

OP please trust what people are saying. Be your own person and be strong.
At first it may feel great that someone loves you so much but just think about the things being asked, for example, have you slept with his friends. How normal is.that.And can you imagine what he would be like if you said yes, actually I slept with whoever's?
Do you want to be quizzed every time a guy serves you at Asda because you fancy him, trying it on with him etc according to your boyfriend? Before you know it, your clothes wont be your style because you are always leading his friends on with the way you flaunt yourself.
Of course all this will be in his head but the consequence is you will be on eggshells trying not to upset him, having sex to keep him happy, not talking to people if in case he gets the wrong idea.
I'm sure you are not stupid and I know its difficult to see the future but many if us have been on the same path as you and it leads to the same place.

babbi · 07/06/2019 16:59

Get rid ... this is the start of an abusive cycle ..
Jealousy , controlling etc

QueenOfWinterfell · 07/06/2019 17:00

This guy sounds seriously creepy. 18 months from now you won’t be allowed out of the front door without him. Ever.

IceQueenCometh · 07/06/2019 17:00

@ImperfecTents that's EXACTLY what I thought. He's not insecure,, he's controlling. Of course he looks so perfect form the outside, that's because he's a clever manipulator. Get away from him as soon as possible. The constantly horny thing is a control issue too (trust me, I have been there - I should have run a mile and I didn't. I regret that greatly now)

IceQueenCometh · 07/06/2019 17:03

@notacooldad, I think you must know my exH. I was questioned every night after work whether i had been in any meetings with men, who was I doing my hair for? That tshirt is too low / tight / short. I ended up wearing huge baggy men's shirts to shut him up but he found something else to have a go at me about. Ugh.

babbi · 07/06/2019 17:03

Oh .. and trust me mine was beyond perfect in presentation to the outside world ...
I imagine 85 % of mumsnetters would initially fall for him until the signs started to show ...
the 15% who wouldn’t have learned the hard way with abusive men and are extremely wary ...
complete Prince Charming until you are in there ...

Please be wary ...

notacooldad · 07/06/2019 17:03

Without being crude I bet he discourages you to have a night out with his mates and if you go he'll have sex with you before you go. He will phone you during the night to make sure you are ok.

BumandChips · 07/06/2019 17:06

OP to the outside world they always do seem perfect. That’s why a lot of women feel like they can’t leave, because to everyone else they’re charming. It’s all part of the act.

It’s not you, it’s really not you. His insecurities and being untrusting is not your problem. It will get worse. It’s only been six months, this should be the best time! Get rid before it escalates.

HypatiaCade · 07/06/2019 17:10

Toddlers go through the clingy stage. It's bearable because you know they'll grow out of it.

This? It will just get worse. Remember, this is him AT HIS BEST. He will continue to be insecure, and will ramp up his efforts to cut everyone else out of your life, and make it just you and him.

He's told you who he is. BELIEVE HIM! Do NOT think you can change him.

BumbleBeee69 · 07/06/2019 17:18

OP imagine living with this the rest of your life, you would be fucking exhausted, and let's be honest YOU are not insecure, you're not lurking outside the bathroom door ffs.. HE is definitely insecure and very controlling.

Get Shot of this Clown, that undermines you Flowers

HelmutFrontbut · 07/06/2019 17:20

My cat is clingy and waits for me outside the bathroom. She also understands boundaries and the word 'NO' which is more than your boyfriend seems to.

Dump the little prick.

Happynow001 · 07/06/2019 19:12

Hi OP. Just to give you an indication of how bad the situation can get do please read this thread.

All the things I/you can now once free from EA ?
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirtydaysonly/3590435-all-the-things-i-you-can-now-once-free-from-eaa_

I hope you make the right decision, and quickly, for your own sake. 🌹

pictish · 07/06/2019 19:15

Nothing can be done. He’s a randy limpet. Might as well dump him now...you’ll be doing it anyway.

Shoxfordian · 07/06/2019 19:17

Dump him and solve your problem

VenusClapTrap · 07/06/2019 19:34

He was living with someone else (went straight to them from me)

This reminds me of the clingy boyfriend I once had. It was suffocating. I ended it, and got the whole sobbing on the doorstep at midnight performance; “I can’t live without you I might as well kill myself” and other bollocks.

A week later he was moving in with his new girlfriend Hmm and asking me if I’d have his cat because she wouldn’t let him bring it.

And for gods sake don’t stay with him because of what other people might think - it’s your life. I wondered the same, at the time, but the only comment I got was a vaguely surprised “Oh but he was dead good looking!” Everyone else just suggested girls nights out. Smile

LittleDribbling · 07/06/2019 19:36

Dump him. I married mine and was destroyed by his controlling ways as a result. He did everything @notacooldad described and more. You can’t improve this situation, this is who he is

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.