DS stole someone's watch

[blackcat2345]

NC as could be outing

Phone call from Head of Year yesterday to tell me that DS (13) had admitted taking a watch left on a desk. Apparently he had then shown it to his mates on the field at lunch but then got worried, left it on the grass and walked away

The watch's owner then got wind and went to find the watch, by which time it had been damaged, probably by being trampled on.

HoY is speaking to the parents today about what action they want taking but clearly we also need to discipline DS. We are so ashamed, this isn't his 1st misdemeanour, albeit his 1st serious one. Every time we think we've turned a corner then bam, we're hit with another incident.

He will obvious pay to replace the watch - DH wants the Xbox to be sold to finance this. Have also told DS that the school and boy's parents would be well within their rights to call the police, He has written letters of apology to the boy and HoY.

More of a venting than anything else but would welcome thoughts.

To punish this individual thing, sell the Xbox and all the games he has. Do not buy another one. If he wants another one, he can wait until he is old enough to get a job and buy one himself.

As to dealing with the behaviour in a more general sense to ensure he starts to change, I have no idea.

How many consequences has he had to deal with, overall? I don't mean that in a critical way, just that if you've been harsh with consequences already and he's not learning, you probably need to change tack. If you've given him the benefit of the doubt a bit, you can go harsher.

I'd definitely sell the Xbox and any games, and I wouldn't be replacing it any time soon.

Have you asked him what he thinks the consequences of this should be? My foster parents used to do that, when I was old enough to understand it and not shrug it off, it was effective!

Selling the X Box & games, then not replacing it at birthday / Christmas is an excellent idea. It’s a tough punishment which will make him understand clearly the seriousness of what he has done.

He also needs to understand, very clearly, that even if school or the victim’s parents don’t report the theft to the police on this occasion, if he does anything like that again, YOU will report him to the police.

I would not sell his xbox and games, I would take them away and return them to him when I thought appropriate, ie after 3 months of very good behaviour.
Your DS should certainly pay for a new watch and this would be something I would discuss with him so he understands just how serious his actions were. If he gets pocket money take away half of it every week until his debt is paid.
What he did in the grand scheme of things isn’t that bad, I’ve heard of far worse behaviour. He took something that was left laying around, very wrong and he knew it which is why he got the guilts and left it to get trampled on and broken. He was obviously too scared to return it knowing he would have been in trouble. Admittedly less trouble than he is in now though!

Writing letters of apology is easy isn't it? he can say sorry but not be sorry sell the xbox let the other parents say what they have too he needs to have consequence without excuses and either selling xbox or using pocket money to replace the watch is probably a good idea. Let him go without his nicities (sp) .

I wouldn’t sell the Xbox or games (how much was the watch worth ???!😳) I would just stop his allowance till the amount is paid back and a harsh telling off

Why should he get to keep an expensive bit of tech when he doesn't think twice about stealing an expensive item from someone else? He only started to feel guilty after showing his friends; when he had to face judgement from other people. Let to his own judgement, he stole a watch.

X box def has to go. That and his phone seem to be the only things he takes seriously. He's had it removed for before but returned after a period of time - this time he needs to understand we're serious.

Beth...it's the principle of taking something that isn't yours and not having the sense of duty to return it after you come to your senses.

Get that he panicked but would've been in a lot less trouble if he'd just handed it back into reception.

I wouldn't sell them, I'd take them away until the watch value had been paid with pocket money or through chores/jobs.
Are there any neighbours/family in need who would benefit from odd jobs such as weeding the garden or walking their dog?

I would sell the x-box too. The watched needs replaced immediately so i don't see why you should have to fund this now and wait for the pocket money to make it back.

School has just passed on that the watch was worth approx £150 so doubt even the x-box funds will cover it.

Only the strap was located so can't even be repaired. Idiot boy 😡

£150!!!
What were parents thinking sending DC to school with a watch of that value.
Irrelevant I know but

Yes, I was a bit at not only wearing an expensive watch to school but also leaving it laying around, but that is a discussion for the other parents!

I'm sorry, it was a stupid impulsive act which I imagine gave him a kick. What did he think would happen? He was showing off - looking for approval from his peer group.

this isn't his 1st misdemeanour, albeit his 1st serious one.This is troubling, if things are escalating; he has crossed a line, so the greater the sanction has to be for him.
I agree selling the Xbox and games will have more impact than simply withdrawing privileges.
What do you normally do about pocket money/an allowance?

You must feel disheartened. Keep talking to him.
Can you think of positives about him?

Would it cover the cost of the watch if you sold the phone as well as the x-box? If he needs a phone to stay in touch with you, you could get him a really basic one that will just do texts and calls - assuming his current one is a smart phone.

Thank you Tonight.. it is exhausting. Finding positives is a struggle at the moment but I guess that's the challenge of parenting teenagers!

School has requested we send the money in but I
think it would have more impact if DS handed the money over personally to the parents. Obviously the ball is in their court on this one.

His phone is pretty knackered so wouldn't sell for much plus I need to keep something in my back pocket for potential future idiocy!

Are you sure that the boys parents aren't exaggerating the cost of the watch?
If they could only find the strap, how can they prove the watch really was worth that much?
I'd ask for a receipt or photo of the watch before handing over that much cash!

I know it doesn't help with the consequences for your son thing, but I feel like his parents could be taking advantage of the situation!

I wouldn't sell his phone we rely on them these days to keep in contact , what is your son sayi g about it all ?

Apparently only the metal strap could be found - the school has sent a photo stating make and model of watch with estimated replacement cost £130 - £150.

Even if the parents are taking the piss what can we do 🤷‍♀️

DS seems genuinely mortified by his actions which is something at least. He wrote me and DH an unprompted letter last night apologising for what he did and the position it put us in.
Like PP said I think he was showing off more than anything and yet again not thinking.

No excuse though

I'd ask him what he thinks the consequences should be for this. Selling the x box and games sounds reasonable to me. If you reach agreement on this with him, all to the good I think. Let's hope he is genuinely sorry he did this and it's a wake up call for him.

Impulse control at 13 can be iffy at best but as you said no excuse. I think i would offer a replacement and no money wonder if the other parents would go for that they are probably really angry and want to make a point of wanting money,

Oh gosh OP. I'm sorry you are going through this. Tweens can often be very impulsive and want acceptance and recognition from their peers. I guess he did a mighty stupid thing and pretty instantly regretted it.

Yes, he needs punishment but taking away and/or selling an XBox seems to be an knee jerk reaction.

I would actually make him earn the money you are going to have to pay out. I would also insist he did a face to face with other student and parents. Harder to deal with and effective as a reminder for him in future.

Think of all the chores that he could help with, school timetable permitting. Emptying all the bins, running the vacuum over the hallway, emptying the dishwasher, folding laundry. Make a list and ensure he does them balancing warmth and love for him with discipline.

Actions speak louder than words. I would have found it soooo easy to write a letter and out in all the good sorry stuff. I would have found it infinitely harder to do specific chores for a set number of weeks.

Also, check how you use words around him.
"You won't get your XBox back until your chores are done" sounds different than "You get your XBox back as soon as your chores are done"

Good luck.