My mental health is worrying me but I'm scared to say anything to anyone

[shineontocbi]

I'm worried about telling my GP about my current MH issue - I have awful anxiety (I'm using the word but I haven't been diagnosed with it). I feel a really gut churning way that someone is following me.

I feel like I'm being followed frequently. It's really irrational and when I'm feeling a lot calmer, I see that it makes no logical sense. I can't explain why I feel this way.

Sometimes I walk down the road and get the feeling someone is watching me in an unmarked car and taking pictures of me. Again, no idea why I feel like this so much.

Sitting here now I can say almost certainly that nobody is 'watching' me but I feel so paranoid all the time. It's a living nightmare.

I have no other bad mental health symptoms. I'm upbeat and don't feel depressed. But I constantly feel a bit on edge and 'on guard'.

I'm worried that if I tell my GP all of this, they will get social services involved or possibly someone else. This is a worry because I have a young DS and I don't want anyone sticking their nose in. He is perfectly safe.

I wouldn't say I suffer from anxiety, but I'd speak to your GP or at least the HV and get some help. PND can also manifest in different forms, and although you may not have it, the irrationality of it may be part of something else. One woman I was on a course with developed OCD as part of her PND.

Please don't feel like you can't speak to someone who can help. They won't judge you for it and just want to make sure you're ok.

The gp will assess you and offer treatment including referral mental health services as needed. They won't refer to social services unless you are in need of support (and agree to a referral) or if there are clear concerns for your safety or your child's.
The priority is for you to feel mentally well and not get any worse

Dead But what if they're worried about DS?

Obviously I know he's fine but if they think I'm mentally unwell, won't they want to step in?

I suppose my MH does impact him in a way as maybe he can sense when I'm really worried about being watched. But other than that, it's all very normal for him. It's just me in my head, a constant sense of worry and paranoia is playing on my mind so much

I sometimes feel as if someone is watching and gathering info about me to build some sort of case against me. I feel so frightened. I really don't know why, I've never hurt a fly

Oh, you poor love. You really do need some help.
Step one is recognising this, step two is telling someone.
You have done both of those already

MIND has resources and ideas and guidance to start you off
www.mind.org.uk

But keep talking here. There are a LOT of people in the world with experience of poor mental health, and we can help

Bless you OP that sounds so tough. As someone who has mild anxiety I cannot imagine how hard it must be to go through this. Could you repost on the mental health boards so you can get some advice from more knowledgeable/experienced Mnetters? I definitely think a trip to the GP is needed but can't advise you on what would happen next.

Op, you are suffering from anxiety and it's manifesting itself in intrusive thoughts. This is VERY common, and the fact you recognise your paranoia is actually a good thing! Please go to your gp and get help. There is no reason you have to live like this.

Strawberry So sorry you've gone through such horrific events

It's so strange because sitting here now, I feel very rational. But even now, I still can't say for sure that someone watching me/gathering info on me is just me being anxious/paranoid. I feel like it really could be true

I don't want it to be true. I want to scream at myself that it isn't true. But my gut says otherwise and I feel like I'm in flight mode 24/7. It's exhausting.

That IS exhausting and you can’t keep this up without help, as it will be self-perpetuating....you will squirrel round and round and round and it will get worse.
PLEASE stop the cycle by asking for outside help.

And keep talking here, we will help you

I wonder if you have absorbed a news item in the midst of suffering from PND, depression/anxiety. I kind experienced the same when I had awful PND with DS1. It was around the time of vigilante attacks and exposé s of supposed paedophiles. I became terrified I was going to become a paedophile, it was completely irrational.

I think underlying all of it was a terror that my DS would be taken away. What really helped me was going to GP (eventually), I didn't tell him the nature of my intrusive thoughts, but explained how desperate I was feeling. He prescribed me anti depressants, which took a couple of weeks to start working, but they saved my life.

I was able to get back on a even keel, they made so much difference to me.

You will feel better again, but you need some help.

Sweetheart, it sounds like OCD to me - a variant called Pure 0 where you just get intrusive, horrible thoughts.

Exhausting and frightening.

Curable, and you're not going mad. SS are really not going to want to get involved. The best drug is Paroxetine, it takes about 3 weeks to work but it's known to be very effective for this type of OCD.

if they think I'm mentally unwell, won't they want to step in?

Nope. There are millions of parents with mental health problems such as anxiety and depression who are doing a good job of parenting despite their difficulty. Maternal anxiety alone is not a reason to refer to social services.

Go and see your GP. They won't be shocked. It's unlikely you'll be the only person with anxiety they see that day. They'll be able to talk you through treatment options. Good luck.

That feeling of being on 'red alert' (but I felt it in a different way) sounds very familiar to me, OP.
In my case, it was anxiety.
I was already on a low dose of citalopram (following on from the death of one of my parents), but increasing my dosage slightly has made me feel a whole lot better.
You really need to have a talk with a GP. They won't judge you. And, it sounds like you are taking good care of your child, so you really shouldn't worry about that.
I hope you get some help soon.

I feel like I'm in flight mode 24/7. It's exhausting.

This is EXACTLY what anxiety is, op.

I agree with all of the other posters, please speak to your GP. It can be very easily treated.

Social services won’t be concerned for your sons safety, seeking help is actually seen as a really positive thing x

OP, fear of having your DC taken away is a well-known anxiety symptom.

SS won't be remotely interested in either of you. See the GP, things can get better.

I used to work in an A&E mental health team. Nothing you have said would have indicated a need for SS involvement. There may well be indication for assessment and treatment of mental health issues though, and now is the time to seek that before things potentially worsen. See your GP

In case this helps any I was referred to the recovery team in the past and crisis team...they told me it is common for parents to feel like this and it is not a concern about my parenting. they were pleased I had sought help.

I had similar issues that kicked in about 13 years ago (Previous posters are correct - this is intrusive thoughts). I went to my GP who, back then, said very little of any help while he raised his eyebrows at me and prescribed antidepressants. I then developed intrusive thoughts about the medication as couldn’t bring myself to take it (my dad is a painkiller addict so it was easy to feel irrational about them).

I battled on with the intrusive thoughts and anxiety for a decade which was at times horrendous as nobody seemed to understand, then ended up in therapy for childhood trauma issues that had returned to bite me on the arse. I was given EMDR therapy and it had the wonderful side effect of curing the intrusive thoughts almost instantly. It was absolutely miraculous and I haven’t suffered at all in a couple of years now. I am in a couple of trauma survivor groups on FB and others also report that EMDR has helped these issues. It’s a therapy mainly used for PTSD but can help other things too.

During a very difficult time with my mental health I was also very scared about social services becoming involved and questioning my competency as a parent and also what school would do if they knew. I realise in retrospect that this was also part of my anxiety manifesting, but that fear was so big I didn't know where to turn. It was an incredibly difficult time, and hasn't stopped being so further down the road yet, but I would say that therapy and some medication has helped massively. Because these intrusive thoughts are coming from somewhere and they either need to be stopped in their tracks (with medication) or the root cause of them needs to be picked apart (therapy), or ideally both of these routes! I can absolutely relate to your feeling of fear, mine was constant too, so I sincerely hope that you can find a way to relieve this soon.

If you are lacking in sleep also and very stressed that can make things worse.

No, they wont step in. They didn't ask me questions about DS when I got diagnosed with PND, just how I was feeling and coping.

OK, what happened with me was I was like this and it got worse, they sent round crisis team to assess at home. it was fine but a bit odd. Psych liaison team. So if it does get worse that can happen.

If you are lacking in sleep also and very stressed that can make things worse.

I'm stressed but thankfully sleeping 12 hours a night!

Ok sleep can help a lot. My MH team told me it is very stress related...and lack of sleep can add to it. But the thing is, such stuff is stressful and worrying. Doing calming relaxing things might help a bit.