What makes you think you're a half decent / good mum?

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Just wondering what things you do / qualities that you have that make you think you're doing a good job. I'm not talking one off special event type stuff, but the day to day things that basically mean your kids have a happy life.

Just wondering this after a bit of a crisis of confidence!

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist

I'm strict and my three kids know exactly what is expected of them.

^

Can you please give us an example of this, Chester? I'm trying to be more strict with the kids but am finding it hard tbh

This thread has made me cry. I don't feel I am doing a good job. My eldest is miserable, badly behaved and hard work. I really hate how shit I feel about my parenting but he is "that" child

Tomboytown
Why do you think you're not?

QuickQuestion2019

The one of mine that has actually left home lives 0.5 miles away. The other 2 are still home, and have semi-moved their BFs in. They're stuck to us like glue. Even when they go on holiday they face time me every day.

I've made horrid mistakes, and been horrid to them at times when they've pushed past my limit. But I've always said sorry and I've always told them I love them. Which I do. More than life itself.

I would assume I've not done that bad a job else they'd all be living in Oz

My teens trust me, they respect my decisions, they talk to me about their concerns....I don’t treat them like they are 2! I empower them to make decisions and be independent, they work hard, are polite and know they are loved.

It’s now that I can see my own daughter parenting on her own so successfully. She tells me I’m her role model and if she does half as good a job as I did she’ll be happy.

I try to listen to them as much as possible.

If I do get a bit shouty I apologise to them and explain why.

I try to say yes to the things they want to do.

He hates me and it's only going to get worse

It is far easier to view yourself as a good Mummy when your DC are 6 and under, it becomes far more challenging thereafter

Take an interest in them and their lives
Teach them manners and right from wrong - your job isn't just to be fun and loving, it is to teach them how to exist in the world.
Ensure the home is well stocked - food, clothes etc.
Expose them to lots of interests - books etc
Make sure they are physically active and eat well - these are the bedrocks for future health.
Teach them to love others and give of their time

I love this thread!

Reading through it all it's made me think of what I do good but then like some others have said it also makes me think oh god what about the times I'm not so good, I always second guess myself! I feel guilty if I have told one of them off, then I feel bad that if I fuss them over it they will end up soft when they're older. Can't win haha.

My ds5 is a daddy's boy but always wants me to tuck him into bed, then he will repeatedly shout down the stairs love you night, and I say love you more and he will say I love you more, he says he loves me more than the day and the years, this is all part of bedtime. I like the feeling on a cold night when I tuck them in with loads of blankets making them all snuggly and feeling thankful we have a warm house and bed. I make nice dinners for them when I am off work, I try to listen to both children even though their stories can go on for houuurssss and they have to command my every last bit of attention to complete their story and If they ask a question I try to not say I don't know, I always say I will try to find that answer out if I'm not too sure and then the bad mum comes in as I never remember to find it out 🙈.

To the above posts saying about being a bad mum then honestly we all feel like that I doubt myself always and if you were that bad you wouldn't be on here posting about it you would be neglecting your kids substance abusing etc

We can only try and fed, clean and clothed is good enough at times

It's nice reading all the things people do. I definitely agree that it's getting harder to feel like a good parent as they're getting older, and also with the "am I being too strict / too relaxed" tightrope.

I know I'm doing the absolute basics ok, and maybe that's enough. There's just a lot of tantrums and high emotions going on at the moment and whilst I want to validate them if they feel sad, I'm also finding myself giving them pretty short shrift.

DS is 11 months and I think I'm doing a good job.

He's full of kisses for me and will happily be kissed the millions of times a day that I do to him. He also crawls up and presses his little forehead into me at various points just to check in.

We were at a wedding recently and he made me really proud in the way he was delightful and sociable and good tempered all day. I think I have at least a bit to do with this given how many things we do in the week.

I cook most of his food from scratch and he particuarly enjoys my beef stew!

I let him do messy play whenever it's an option in group because he absolutely loves it, even though we both get covered in muck.

I have more patience for my ds than anyone I've ever met.

I hate doing it; but if he needs medicine I know it's better for me to force it down him than give in and leave it, so I do even if making him cry breaks my heart.

I worry about whether I'm doing a good enough job daily!

Oh and whenever someone claps he assumes it's for him due to the amount of encouragement and praise DH and I give him 🙈

After 42 and 38 years my children still bother with me.

I let them make mistakes.

Dd doing some of the things I did, with her own daughter makes me think I must have been ok. She does a lot of things differently, of course.

My dd cleans her teeth. In the 20 months that she's been on this earth, that is the one thing I can point to and say "aha! I have done at least one thing right."

Everything else is completely up in the air: food, sleep, TV, behaviour, baths ... but she always has clean teeth and I take that as a win.

I suppose recognising that I'm a shit Mum gives me some brownie points.

I really enjoy their company and they enjoy mine. I'm calm and I can hold my temper and frustration. I help them to fix their own problems. I'm fucking awesome at reading story books.

My tweenager dealt me in on Monopoly when his friends had a sleepover. It was such a laugh and it took me by surprise. Tomboy town - same tween hates me right now, all the emotion they can't show the world they land on you. If you are struggling do reach out for help

Something that always makes me think "we're actually doing OK at this" is when I see 3yo DD imitating adult behaviour or phrases. She will call me "my love" or say "is everything OK, sweetie?". Last night her dad had a headache and she sat next to where he was lying, got him to put his head in her lap and stroked his hair and kissed his forehead. This is all stuff that she has learned because it's how she is treated and it makes me realise that I'm not 100% a shouty fishwife.

I'm not the first mum my DS has ever had.

But I give him a bubble bath every night and always hop in with him when he asks. I facetime him every morning from work (I leave before he wakes up). When i ask him "who does mummy love?" He shouts at the top of his voice "ME!". And I think that's the crux of it. He knows how loved he is. I've worked so hard to build a good attachment with him and it is paying off every single day.

I feed them. I love them. I cuddle them to sleep every night. I try to entertain them.

My children tell me regularly. We’ve remained close as they’ve entered adulthood and they seek out our company. We laugh about childhood memories and they talk about me looking after grandchildren eventually- assuming I’ll retire to do so.
They are all healthy, well educated, financially comfortable, employed in good careers or on target for a good degree.They are nice people with good moral compasses and strong work ethic and sense of duty.

Too many lovely memories and fun.