What makes you think you're a half decent / good mum?

[screamer1]

Just wondering what things you do / qualities that you have that make you think you're doing a good job. I'm not talking one off special event type stuff, but the day to day things that basically mean your kids have a happy life.

Just wondering this after a bit of a crisis of confidence!

I feel I'm failing most the time to be honest. Two of mine are asd and can be exceptionally hard work and are quick to put down my efforts.
But... realistically my children are clean, fed and loved. I'm there for them every day, take them safely to and from school. They have a home cooked meal every day. The house is kept clean. They have nice toys and books. They have rules and boundaries, sensible bedtimes, I care what they're up to.
I've 100% got their backs and I am shit hot with sorting out issues at school and bullying, I won't stand for it.
I tell them they're loved. I notice when they're sad and offer them support. I offer them any extra curricular activities they'd like to do. And I have an endless supply of hugs
I'm not perfect but I try and cover the important things.

I am their safe place. It's the little things like the crafty hug at the school gate, and the flying hug when they come home.

We forgive each other. We talk about things. Recently we were talking about computer games and consoles and how some of his friends are younger siblings so certain things are in the house because of their secondary age siblings, but DS1 is the oldest and they are a bit too old for him really and definitely too old for DS2 who wouldn't want to be left out, so now is not the right time for our family. We try to understand each other.

Loving the child that they are. We're at the stage of identifying additional needs with DS1. He's "high functioning" in some ways but struggles with others. There has been a lot of frustration along the way on both sides until things reached a stage where they are now starting to be understood. DS2 is so similar in some ways, but just simpler and sunnier to parent. I love them both so dearly, but DS1 needs that bit more patience and determination from me. We're now getting the ball rolling on getting some support in other areas of his life so that he can find the world a bit easier to work with.

Their strengths are encouraged and their difficulties supported.

They are well-liked by school and groups like scouting and hopefully should be able to grow into pleasant, responsible members of society.

Children and parenting change. You can only do the best with what you know at the time and with hindsight there were a lot of errors because I knew less than I know now. Hopefully we have a good foundation for the future... I can usually give them what they need, and some of what they want within reason.

@Londonline1 ha!! Gotta love those pregnancy hormones!

He's a star - but I already feel bad for his future teachers

I've managed to keep both my children alive whilst still drinking red wine regularly. Sometimes they're even clean and fed whilst I've got a glass 😂
Joking aside, if they are fed, clean, warm and you love them, you're a great mum! And as long as you're doing 75% of the above, you're fine 🥰

That my DS is loved unconditionally and knows it. That his home is a place of safety and comfort for him. I didn't have those things and they are so important.

I really listen to my children and respond to them, I’ve always tried to never answer with a yes/no/I don’t know. I look at them when they talk to me. My eldest often interrupts my youngest and I remind her to let him finish (he’s 3).
I make a big fuss of their achievements.
I tell them I love them several times a day and regularly list their lovely qualities.
I carry my daughters book bag/coat/drink at pick up.
I engage with what they want to do even if it’s the dreaded role play or if little one wants me to get up so he can pretend to lift me.
I ask what they want for dinner (sometimes!)

I basically try and be he nurturer that they need and deserve. I view motherhood as a blessing, precious, not a rite of passage.

Exactly as Andonandonan said.

I am there for my dc unconditionally, but also their parent not their friend. They have boundaries and regulations to adhere to so that we can all have a good life.

I played with them lots when they were small and now listen to their worries in teenage years and offer guidance when needed.

DS is currently in the middle of GCSEs and all is calm which I feel is something we have created as a family. My mantra was always to put the effort in beforehand so that you don’t regret it when your results come out. He has worked really hard and I frequently tell him how proud we are of him 😊

Remembered another one. When I go past their door on my way to bed I whisper in their ear that I love them. Sometimes I get nothing but sometimes I get a smile and a nod so they have heard me. My DD sometimes has what she calls "bad thoughts" (things she worries about) and asks me to give her something to dream about. My mum would have just said "just stop worrying and get to sleep" but I like to give her some nice thoughts or memories of a fun day we've had so she goes to sleep happy.

I have a special knock that we do through the wall - this is a knock that they know I am thinking of them - and I do it when I go to the bathroom for my bath as the bedroom is the other side of our bathroom.

One important thing I do (DH too) that our parents NEVER did is to apologise when we need to. There is no shame apologising to a child and they love it when they see us as humans like them.

We also have such a laugh. We are very silly at times and have silly words for things and silly names for each other.

Always be happy to watch the little shows they put on as they grow up so quickly.

I listen and am very good at football!

That they still like talking to me, and telling me 'the ti', and their woes.
That they know they can turn to me for comfort, and I will give them all I can until they feel they can face the world again.
That we have family traditions that they enjoy and look forward to.
That we can have a great conversation as a family.
That they know they can tell their mates if they need an adult ear that isn't their parents, that we will provide one for them (with certain caveats).
That they know I'm a flawed individual who makes cock ups, and love me anyway. Because they know I do my best.
That we can play the fool and laugh together.
That we can be having a major disagreement one minute, and the next minute be giving support and comfort.
That we can talk about ANYTHING. . .

And yes, like AnneOfCleavage - that I will admit when I'm wrong, or have cocked up majorly and apologise.

I'm strict and my three kids know exactly what is expected of them. Because I've always been strict we don't really have much upset due to bad behaviour and we actually have a big happy, fun, silly household. When other people tell me how lovely/polite/well behaved my kids are then I know we're decent parents.

Mine talk to me. About everything. I am open and honest and don’t shock easily. Their mates tell me stuff too (often things I’d rather not know about!) and ask me advice on their personal life. My eldest has left home, the younger two are 14 and 16

I’m kind,I’d like to think I’m funny-we’re able to laugh together. It’s not ‘my way or the highway’, we talk and compromise. DS is my priority so most weekends are based around him. I’m firm when I need to be but I’m not shouty. I say sorry if I go ‘wrong’. I picked a really good dad for him. I’m saving (well DH and I) are saving for his future so hopefully we’ll be able to help him out a bit with uni fees or towards a mortgage deposit.

How refreshing to focus on the positives!

I do fortnite challenges for my 5 year old. So that makes me totally awesome.

Sar302 that sounds lovely... Made me smile reading it.

Despite being thoroughly frustrating, pushing boundaries all the time at home, a wannabe gangsta and hogging the TV, when DS14 is out he is polite, sociable, well mannered, funny and growing into an amazing young man. Home is a safe place to express himself.

We have always been very open with him and he with us. We have family meetings to discuss plans, school, decisions and issues "urgh, what have I done now..." He has a voice and his opinion matters. He constantly amazes me and is very chilled in his approach to life (sometimes too chilled...).

He commented recently that he loves we have the same daft sense of humour. He asks to go out for lunch with me but we also have huge rows and neither wants to back down. He slings his long legs up on my lap across the sofa and still cuddles up to both DH and I.

Hardest job in the world but I love seeing DS maturing and growing in confidence.

I need to read this during those times .

That I know my children inside out. Good and bad points. I can read their faces very well and stop them from getting too angry/sad/embarrassed. I taught them early on in life that shit happens and that’s ok. That’s what life is.
They know that they are my everything and I love them more than anything in the whole wide world, even their dad. I often tell them I’ve always got their back. They can always be honest with me and I’ll always do my upmost to help them and I feel like they believe it.
My default is always try to be kind to them so they can do the same when they are adults.
I try to keep things in perspective. Does it really matter in the scheme of things.

My daughter has the biggest smile on her face when she sees me first thing in the morning and it makes me feel like the best mum ever.

I'm not

The simple fact that no matter how hard the day has been, or if I feel like I’m failing, every single night, at bedtime, my DCs wrap their arms around my neck, squeeze as hard as their little arms can squeeze and say “Love you Mama!” - that’s it. That’s enough

Well their dad died when I was pregnant with DD2 and they are both still alive, hitting school targets, are pleasant to be around, kind to their friends and healthy.

Basically they're ok despite being dealt a big blow

Take an interest in their lives, their friends, always be someone they can rely on, not necessarily to bail them out of a situation they have created, but as in if you have said you will do something then do it.

The basics : good food, safe neighbourhood, cleaned once in a while, clothed, new shoes, dentist etc

The perks : massive playroom just for them, huge garden, live in a fantastic country, great state education, contribute to a high interest education fund for them from birth for each

The bonuses : take them trampoling, nice holidays etc.