I need some advice from a “tough mum”

[hilbobaggins]

I’m so sick of being me in certain aspects of my parenting. I’m genuinely in need of a personality transplant, or failing that some advice from someone who’s a lot tougher / firmer than me.

One particular area of conflict is bedtime. My 6 year old DS will NOT go to sleep alone. He “needs” me to be in the bedroom with him. I cajole, cuddle, lie next to him, keep the lights on, run his back, wait for him to go to sleep, whatever it takes. If I’m not with him, or I get up to leave, he jumps out of bed and sticks to me like glue. “Mummy I need to be with you, can I come with you,
I’m lonely, I don’t want to be alone, I’m sad, im a people person, I’m scared, Etc etc.

I feel like a prisoner in his bedroom and I’m starting to really resent it. I’m also angry with myself for creating this situation. I need to find a way to love him but emotionally disconnect from him and the guilt I feel that he feels lonely and sad (he’s an only child). I really need to be tougher. I just don’t know how to do it.

Help, please?

I think this has to be done gradually. Go from lying with him to letting him hold your arm to letting him hold your hand. It's then a big jump to you just sitting by his bed. Gradually then you can sit a bit further away and eventually you will be able to be just out of the door. For me this was the hardest stage and the point where you have to be firmest. I put some books on the landing that I wanted to read and sometimes got my laptop. Above all try not to show him that you are desperate to leave or he will feel he needs to work hard to keep you. I leave quite quickly now, but it was a long process.