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Original poster

Husband deployed today-feel so lost :(

47 replies

Wishingforoctober · 03/06/2019 20:03

Hi, I don't really know why I am posting, but I feel a bit panicky and anxious and there is no one here to talk to.

My husband left tonight for a 4 month deployment abroad. It's only 4 months, but it feels like that is so far away. Our children are 2 and 3 so have no concept of time so think he will be back tomorrow Sad
Today was so hard, how I didn't break down in front of them I don't know. The last time he went away the eldest was a teeny baby so she doesn't remember.

I work FT, drop children at their grandparents at 6.30 and collect them at 5. Feeling overwhelmed by having to manage everything on my own. I know I signed up for this but it's still a bit shit.

Is anyone else in the same boat? October seems so very far away right now Sad

OP posts:
Ginmel · 03/06/2019 20:06

Not in the same boat but wanted to thank you and your husband for your dedication and service. I hope the time goes quickly

Original poster
Wishingforoctober · 03/06/2019 20:10

That's very kind of you to say. Thank you.

OP posts:
KMoKMo · 03/06/2019 20:13

What @Ginmel said so perfectly.

You work very long days. Will you get any respite at the weekends? I hope it flies by for you.

DuchessofManchester · 03/06/2019 20:14

Oh lovely big hug Flowers. Honestly after the first few days it'll get easier. Just think when you wake up tomorrow you're one day closer to him coming home.

Toystorypants · 03/06/2019 20:16

Flowers poor you.

Not that its the same as we don't have children and it's not as long but my DP is joining the Royal Navy on Saturday and will be away for 10 weeks. We've never spent more than 5 days apart in 7 years and I am averaging 10 x cries per day.

Original poster
Wishingforoctober · 03/06/2019 20:18

No not really, my MIL kindly looks after them whilst we work so I don't like to ask her at weekends as I feel she needs a break too. I'm sure I'll be ok. It just feels enormous at the moment and when the children cry for him which they inevitably will do it will break my heart Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Wishingforoctober · 03/06/2019 20:19

toy I remember basic training well, it felt like forever but after the first few weeks hopefully you will settle into a routine and it will get easier. I got through it by keeping busy and doing things with friends as I found the weekends hardest. I'm always here to talk if you need it Flowers

OP posts:
Pumassitonsatsumas · 03/06/2019 20:20

Thanks Know how you feel. There will be hard days but once you get into the swing of it, things will be easier. Focus on making memories for your children to share with him whilst he's away. You can do this!

My husband goes away Friday for 3 months leaving his 1 week old baby, it is heart breaking but It's what we signed up for

Original poster
Wishingforoctober · 03/06/2019 20:20

Thank you Dutchess that is nice way to look at things Smile

OP posts:
Madvixen · 03/06/2019 20:21

WishingforOctober, you can do this! Do you have a Hive team nearby? Ours does some fabulous kids pack for when a parent is deployed. We can also access special treats for them (cinemas tickets, Nat trust vouchers etc) to build in some things to look forward to.

Original poster
Wishingforoctober · 03/06/2019 20:22

Thanks pumas, you are right it will get easier I am sure, it's just the children I worry about as they can't grasp how long 4 months is. The 2 year old in particular will find it horribly difficult Sad But on the bright side he is going somewhere with reasonable internet so should be able to Skype which is nice Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Wishingforoctober · 03/06/2019 20:23

mad we don't live on camp unfortunately but they did give DH a pack with discount vouchers etc for days out which is so good of them x

OP posts:
Deafdonkey · 03/06/2019 20:25

Agree with all the above. You are all amazing and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Original poster
Wishingforoctober · 03/06/2019 20:35

I am trying not to feel sorry for myself, yes it's going to be hard work but I will get to see and cuddle my children every day. DH won't and I can't begin to imagine how he copes with that. I absolutely couldn't do it, he is so strong Sad

OP posts:
Toystorypants · 03/06/2019 20:43

Oh wishing that is so kind, thank you. I can't even imagine how much more difficult it must be with children, especially so young.

In a lighthearted trying to keep myself cheery way DO NOT LISTEN TO THE LEWIS CAPALDI ALBUM. I just about overflowed the bath with my tears Wink

mbosnz · 03/06/2019 20:47

You both sound like incredible folk, though I'm sure you wouldn't agree. You both sound very stoic, and strong, and capable, even if you aren't feeling it, and I wish you didn't have to be. Your children are very lucky to have you. This country is very lucky to have you. The backbone of a country's armed forces is the people that serve in them, and the families that support them serving.

minesasaugagesupper · 03/06/2019 20:47

It really does get easier. 20 years here and counting (obviously he's been home a few times :) :) )

Original poster
Wishingforoctober · 03/06/2019 20:48

Hahaha good tip! Grin please feel free to PM me any time you need to vent, I 100% get how you feel x

OP posts:
Original poster
Wishingforoctober · 03/06/2019 20:49

mbosnz I certainly don't see myself like that but my husband and colleagues definitely! I am in awe of their strength to do what they do. Thank you for your lovely words x

OP posts:
Original poster
Wishingforoctober · 03/06/2019 20:51

minesasaugagesupper Thsts good to know Smile Pre-children I of course missed him but it was manageable. I'm hoping that they adjust ok and the next few months flies by

OP posts:
TitianaTitsling · 03/06/2019 20:52

Oh wishing it's bloody hard, l know you said your not on the patch but are you near to access any of the social/support stuff? Are your work supportive?

Original poster
Wishingforoctober · 03/06/2019 20:57

Yes only 45 mins or so away so I could go there if I needed to. Work have been really good, I work for the civil service so have flexi time. They have let me accrue loads of hours in the run up so I can try and take the odd day off/leave early some days. They are really supportive, my manager was RAF for 30 years Smile

OP posts:
TitianaTitsling · 03/06/2019 21:00

ah that's good- will you get to face time at all? At least we've moved beyond the days of only being able to contact via blueys!

LetterOfTheLawFella · 03/06/2019 21:05

OP Not sure if you know but there is a Talk section for people whose partners are in the armed forces.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/forces_sweethearts

Please ignore if you already know about it.

LadySlipper · 03/06/2019 21:06

Mine is going away in Oct for 6 months. It's much much easier now the kids are grown, but I think I had to do the 4 months deployments around 4 or 5 times when they were growing up, with no other family support. And it was so so hard. The kids get sick, start being exceptionally naughty, the car will shit the bed, washing machine will break. The only advice I can give is be strong, take any help you can get from family, friends, work etc. Make sure you look after YOU too!! It's so much better these days with Skype as it will help the kids to be able to see him and speak to him. Regular contact will save your sanity! You won't have to waste the first 25 minutes of his half an hour a week phone card grumbling about my woes like I always did.

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