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'Independent' toddler

36 replies

Gigis · 02/06/2019 19:08

I see on here fairly frequently people talking about their children sitting and drawing, or watching telly, or playing outside in a way that implies the parent is just in the background making sure they're fine but not actually getting involved. At what age does this happen?

My dd is 14 months old and she will pick up a crayon and stab at a bit of paper, but within seconds the crayon is in her mouth. She has no interest in the telly, other than wandering over to it to thump it with the remote, her fists, anything shes holding. When we go outside she wants to eat everything, so I can never leave her alone for fear of her putting stones in her mouth (am not bothered about grass and dirt, but gravel and pebbles are a choking hazard).

I am ready to accept people saying I have years yo go, but I came across a thread where some people were talking about their 16 month olds who could entertain themselves for a bit. I feel as though we are no where near that stage, even with 2 months to go. So, at what age were you able to leave your child sitting nicely at the table drawing/scribbling or wandering outside while you sat on the sidelines with a cuppa?!

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ThisIsTheEndgame · 02/06/2019 19:11

My DS was a total maniac and an absolute liability to himself at 18 months. He's 2.3 now and only a bit of a maniac and liability. I can sometimes let him crack on but it depends on his mood. I think DD was about the same.

sar302 · 02/06/2019 19:27

At 14 months old my son had no interest in mark making - used to just bite the crayons. And no interest in tv either. He's nearly 18 months now, and will concentrate on both for about 5-10mins. He's a whirling, climbing dervish though, who rarely sits still.

Wouldn't let him outside alone as he'd eat stuff - but I think that should apply to all children for a while on from 14 months!

He will do what he's "into" for about 10 mins, quietly and without needing guidance or supervision. But that's it. I've made the living room and dining room "toddler safe", so I can be in the kitchen or pop to the loo fairly confident he won't damage himself or anything too much.

They change a lot from 14-18 months, but children have the attention span of gnats for a long time!

Mac47 · 02/06/2019 19:31

I had an independent one, although was her entirely, not anything to do with me as a parent, just her personality. She's still the same as a teenager - I say no once and she just has never questioned it.

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ElphabaTheGreen · 02/06/2019 19:32

DS1 - he could entertain himself beautifully from the age of three with anything, especially books and Lego. It was lovely.

DS2 - at the age of almost five, I’m still waiting to be able to do it consistently. Left to his own devices he will trash the house, empty out kitchen drawers, sellotape the dog to a chair, write on the windows in crayon...the other day I found him trying to glue teaspoons to his hand with Pritt stick Confused He drives me fucking mental.

Every child is different

Pearlfish · 02/06/2019 19:35

I'd say they need fairly constant attention until three years old (unless you stick them in front of the TV - that's around two years).

VeniVidiViciTwice · 02/06/2019 19:38

@ElphabaTheGreen your Ds2 sounds just like my dd2 (4.5 years)! She is terrified of the stairs and can't go up or down alone, so at least the madness is contained!

Gigis · 02/06/2019 19:42

Hmm...thank you all for your responses. Seems we have a while to go. Glad I asked though as I was starting to think to myself 'it's ok, in 2 months time she will be playing happily by herself and I will be able to actually have some me time!' I think I would have been very disappointed!

Am finding this stage exhausting to say the least!

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PhillipeFellope · 02/06/2019 19:42

Ds is 2.5 and will sit and watch TV (time dependant on how tired he is) or at the table and do playdoh for a while. I'd never leave him with crayons or I'd end up my house being redecorated. Some days he wants constant companionship, others I could leave him to it for 15-20 minutes.

At 14 months he was a complete liability. Couldn't take your eyes off him for a second. He does still have these, what we call 'death wish days' where I am glad when it's bedtime so I can breathe out.

riotlady · 02/06/2019 19:44

My 14 month old will potter around the living room for a bit while I read my book or sort some washing, she’ll still need intermittent interaction (mostly handing me things) but she can manage for a bit. I wouldn’t leave her unsupervised though and she is quite insistent about coming to the toilet with me!

riotlady · 02/06/2019 19:45

Oh and I tried drawing with her with some crayons and it was lovely for approximately 43 seconds and then she bit a bit chunk out of one of the crayons

ladybirdsaredotty · 02/06/2019 19:48

Err yeah, my 19mo is crazy. But you'll be pleased to hear my 5 and 7 year olds are not! I reckon around 2.5 was when I felt like they were 'children' not babies (although they were obviously still tiny looking back!) and less...intense. Definitely by 3. Definitely NOT at 14mo!! Smile

Goosethemoose · 02/06/2019 19:49

My DS is 17mo (just) and can potentially entertain himself briefly, such that I can just sit there, maybe have a cuppa and browse online subtly...

The trick tends to be getting a toy he's really into - he's got a stack of rings that make a little pyramid on a stick, and also a toy bus that pulls along, and those have both entertained him for 20 mins each, surprisingly. Then I play with him initially. And once he's super into it, I back off quietly. You can't just plonk him down with stuff and hope you won't be bothered. Sadly!

BertieBotts · 02/06/2019 19:53

They are all so different. I can barely do this with my 10yo, he just wants constant validation all the time, but my 9mo will be totally happy bumbling around and playing. He will eat absolutely everything vaguely dangerous so I do need to watch him but at home where it's babyproofed I can let him go out of sight quite unconcernedly TBH. And he's always been like that since birth - the mythical newborn who was happy to be put down.

(With the 10yo he was probably 2 or 3 by the time I could have a cup of tea in his presence without him coming to drag me to join in constantly)

Gigis · 02/06/2019 19:55

The thing is, I'm really looking forward to a properly playing with her - feeding ducks, baking, pretend tea parties, making dens etc. But this shepherding that is all I seem to be doing is intense and I'm not sure how long I can sustain it for!

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DelurkingAJ · 02/06/2019 20:00

Child dependent...DS1 (6.5) is still not great at self entertainment. DS2 at 4 months would lie under his baby gym and kick his legs for 20 minutes perfectly amused and will still take himself off and play easily for an hour (he’s 3).

peachgreen · 02/06/2019 20:02

My DD is 16 months and very independent - she plays by herself for up to an hour at a time, just occasionally bringing me something to look at. But I did absolutely nothing to make that happen, it's just who she is. In fact sometimes I wish she was a bit more clingy and cuddly! She's a total whirlwind too, everywhere she goes she makes a huge mess!

WitBeyondMeasure · 02/06/2019 20:06

They're all so different.
My eldest used to drive me to distraction, he was still putting things in his mouth at 3.
My youngest hasn't put anything she should in her mouth since she was 18 months.
It's a wait and see one I'm afraid

PotolBabu · 02/06/2019 20:11

Well with both of mine around this age I would create a ‘safe’ area, play for a bit and then withdraw. With both I got into the habit of making a cup of tea once a day (during the week) and twice during the weekend and demanding that they absolutely not disturb me. At first I got lots of whinging but soon they realised it was/is more fun to play. Just 10-12 mins a day. That’s all it takes to set up good habits.
Also I really firmly believe in kids getting bored. They don’t need constant entertainment and toys. Both of mine are v v good at entertaining themselves with almost nothing esp on long haul flights.
DS2 is 2.4 and is not naturally independent but with a few nudges will now do play doh or paint for 20-30 mins at a time.

NannaNoodleman · 02/06/2019 20:19

They're all so different and it has a lot to do with personality.

I could leave DS if he was happy with his cars but he had no interest in anything else and would often attempt to climb a bookcase. DD will sit at a table and colour or play doh for hours but I have to be in the same room otherwise she'll follow me crying that she couldn't see me!

I'm really looking forward to a properly playing with her - feeding ducks, baking, pretend tea parties, making dens etc.

I'm doing a snorty knowing laugh at that. We'll see you back in a year when you haven't made the den right and she's had a tantrum or you're on your 30th day of repeating the same dull tea party routine and your sanity is dripping away.

I love them really, it's been a long half term Grin

museumum · 02/06/2019 20:26

Mine would do water or sand in the garden at that age.
But little else.

ElphabaTheGreen · 02/06/2019 20:38

I'm really looking forward to a properly playing with her - feeding ducks, baking, pretend tea parties, making dens etc

I'm doing a snorty knowing laugh at that. We'll see you back in a year when you haven't made the den right and she's had a tantrum or you're on your 30th day of repeating the same dull tea party routine and your sanity is dripping away.

Same here Nanna Grin Baking with children...yeah...doesn’t turn out how they sell it to you!

ThenOutCameTheSunshine · 02/06/2019 20:43

Probably age 2 for us but she learnt after big sis. Both now 4 and nearly 3 and they love playing independently. Stickers. Crafts. Playing in their room with their toys.

And they have one another for the tea parties (sometimes I'll join in...).

Drinkandknowthings · 02/06/2019 20:47

My DD is 2.6, 3 weeks ago she shoved a little bit of crayon up her nose - luckily she sneezed it out.
She regularly tries to do a Spider-Man on our stone effect wall
She likes to chew on jigsaw pieces (although there is one dinosaur one she loves and can make herself)
Paining is just messy and she just wants to use black paint!
She likes to play with her train track so she can derail the train!

She’s starting to like baby dolls though which is nice. And she ADORES the trampoline- we just got it yesterday and it’s the best thing ever.

grumpycatgrumpycat · 02/06/2019 20:50

Oh Christ, I was looking forward to 12 months plus.....

My 6 month old is so frustrated that she can’t just go wherever she wants that she spends her entire day whining unless she is being carried around at adult height, CONSTANTLY in motion. Even standing still while I lock the front door is unacceptable.

It’s going to be a long summer.

Gigis · 02/06/2019 20:51

Alright, alright I'm not so naive that I think every day will be spent baking a la snow white. I have very fond memories of baking with my own mum - she did the actual hard work while I did colouring or something, then i did the decorating. Im under no illusion that it will be messy and sticky and that she will try to eat all the jelly diamonds and have a strop when I stop her. That sort of thing. Was just looking forward to enjoying something more than just saying 'no!' constantly after what has been a very trying few days and looks like it will be for a good few months (years?!) more.

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