Wedding evening do etiquette question help please

[Kedgeree]

We're going to a wedding evening do tonight. The invitation says 7pm. We're going with another couple and the venue is a 30 min drive away, we're driving and picking them up on the way. I saw one of the couple this morning and said we would pick up at 7pm, arriving at the venue at 7:30. He's just phoned me in a panic saying that they think they'll have to make their own way their so they're on time.

He says he's worried that we'll miss the "grand entrance and first dance" at 7, and we'll be late for "the sit-down dinner and have to find our table with everyone looking at us". IME, the evening do isn't a sit down dinner (there's nothing on the invitation to suggest that it is and the bride told DH there's a burger van), the first dance happens at 9pm (because that's the signal that those who want or need to leave can go) and the time on an invite means "not before".

My friend thinks that because this couple are very (very very) wealthy, there must be a formal dinner and dance.

What would you do?

Just make your own way there and arrive when you originally planned to. Let them suit themselves.

Other people always complicate things.

If the invitation says 7pm, I would aim to arrive at 7pm.

But I sometimes think I'm the only person left in the world who has any regard for punctuality. I hate this sort of casual discourtesy.

Or ask the bride about the format for the evening?

I would arrive between 7 and 7.30.

Visibly it's today so we can't ask the bride. I've never been to an evening do where people were expected to arrive on the dot of a particular time. I would expect that the invite would say "7pm prompt" if it was a shotgun start, or "6:30 for 7" if it was a dinner.

I think you are normally right and arriving early will just mean sitting round waiting for day guests to finish dinner or for the speeches to be over.

Invitation says 7, arrive for 7. I don't think many brides think when they're writing invites "8pm would be a good time for everyone to arrive. So I'll put half an hour different than what I think..."

But tbf I hate people who are always late.

Let him make his own way and mock him in his full black tie regalia at a standard post wedding cheesy disco....laughing at the ‘grand entrance’ 😂😂

For evening do I usually think it means arrive from 7 so would usually get there between 7-8. Obviously different if was going to be a sit down meal

It is a black tie do...

At my wedding we were running slightly late and evening guests were arriving before we had quite finished dinner and we had a 7.30pm time. I was mortified but couldn't do much other than hurry out to speak to people. Our first dance wasn't until nearer 9 and buffet around 10.30. It depends on how much you want to socialise I guess.

For an evening do, I would have thought that meant any time from 7 onwards and I’d probably aim for about 7.30 same as you, in case they’d not finished setting up - isn’t there normally a break between the wedding breakfast and the evening do when they switch the room about to make more space for dancing and mingling?

Last evening do we went to they hadn't even had coffee by the time evening guests arrived, which was a bit awks.

Did you respond to the other couple and suggest that they may be disappointed when they don't have their names on a table, and most likely won't be getting a sit down meal? IME an evening invite is for people to arrive and dance and have some finger food provided a bit later on. The day guests could possibly still be eating at 7.

I'm with you, I'd always arrive a little later when it's an evening invite. I once arrived around the time stated on the invite and had to wait for half an hour or so in the foyer area as they were all still having their meal. Unless you've been told you're getting a sit down meal, I imagine they'll be having their meal at 5pm and there will be some lighter food available later in the evening, so your friend may be disappointed if he's expecting a proper meal.

I would have previously don't the same as you and not worried to much about being punctual for an evening wedding invite but we recently went to a wedding evening of a friend of DH's expecting the usual buffet and it was a proper sit down meal with names on the tables

I was so relieved that we had arrived on time!

But would you have a sit down dinner in the evening when you've done that during the day? That would mean the day guests spend pretty much all day sitting at their tables eating Big Food . We know there was a sit down wedding breakfast because there were pics of the settings on fb last night.
As I said, bride told DH there's a burger van, but friend thinks this can't be true because she's rich .

I'd arrive at 7pm because that's what the invitation states. If it was 7pm for 7.30pm then that's what the invitation would say.

Let them sort themselves out. The wealthiest people are often the stingiest, hence, an evening do.

I think I would explain to df again about the burger van and if he wants to arrive separately that is ok but I think your right

There will be no second sit down dinner. Your friend is batshit.

Does it say ‘from 7’ or ‘at 7’ ?

If it’s black tie and they are having a formal do, I’d say be there at 7, not ‘sometime after’

I don't understand why you wouldn't aim for the time on the invite?

It sounds like they're in denial about not being invited to the meal! Weird. If they were that rich and hospitable I don't see why they'd tier guests at all.

Then cut friend loose! 'There is NO sit down meal. It's a burger van. We'll pick you up at 7 if you'd like.'

Bet they asked for money as gifts, too.