Wedding evening do etiquette question help please

[Kedgeree]

We're going to a wedding evening do tonight. The invitation says 7pm. We're going with another couple and the venue is a 30 min drive away, we're driving and picking them up on the way. I saw one of the couple this morning and said we would pick up at 7pm, arriving at the venue at 7:30. He's just phoned me in a panic saying that they think they'll have to make their own way their so they're on time.

He says he's worried that we'll miss the "grand entrance and first dance" at 7, and we'll be late for "the sit-down dinner and have to find our table with everyone looking at us". IME, the evening do isn't a sit down dinner (there's nothing on the invitation to suggest that it is and the bride told DH there's a burger van), the first dance happens at 9pm (because that's the signal that those who want or need to leave can go) and the time on an invite means "not before".

My friend thinks that because this couple are very (very very) wealthy, there must be a formal dinner and dance.

What would you do?

I would go for 7.30 and go to the reception desk and ask if the meal was finished.
If not I’d wait in the bar.

The reception is at their home in a marquee. They have asked for donations to go to a charity they support. DH is home from work now and we're debating what to do...

Why would you not get there at 7 if it says 7 on the invite?

Baffled

Because that's not been my previous experience of evening dos, including the one I organised for DS1's wedding. I've never been to an evening do where it was imperative to arrive at a particular time.

Weddings nearly always run late so they probably won't be ready at 7. Having said that I'd still probably get there for then as I am incapable of being late. Your friend isn't very bright though, or has been to very few weddings. Do update us later!

I doubt there would be a sit down meal but I would still arrive on time because that's what the invite asks of you. I hate people being late for things and it annoyed me at my own wedding!

Personally, if the invitation says 7pm, I’d get there at 7pm, but I know I can be a bit anxious about punctuality.

Does the invitation say ‘At 7pm’ or ‘From 7pm’? The former would imply a punctual start, in my view, whilst the latter is a bit more flexible.

Are the other couple American? I only ask because most weddings there are quite short events, often in the evening and with a late sit down dinner. Maybe that's what he's expecting?

I'm never late for anything. That's the reason I'm asking about this, it's just not something I've come across before - I have always thought, and haven't yet been wrong, that for an evening invitation to a wedding the time means "not before", precisely because they have to get through the day events and turned around for the evening.

It's way out in the sticks too, so anyone who's working would have a rush on to get there for 7. Groan.

I’m not the world’s most punctual person but if an invite says 7, I aim for 7. Might be a few minutes over but no way would I plan to be there half an hour late.

Plus, leave it too late, you don’t get a table.

Friend has just messaged still flapping because his shirt doesn't fit and he hasn't dyed his beard .

Are the other couple American? I only ask because most weddings there are quite short events, often in the evening and with a late sit down dinner. Maybe that's what he's expecting?

Weddings there run the gamut depending on the couple . One thing they don't have are evening do's. That would be considered the height of rudeness.

Last wedding I went to was at 7 for the evening do, people were arriving between 6.30 and 9.30, we arrived at 8 as did the bulk of the people. The buffet was opened at 8.30, B&G had no issues whatsoever.

I know nothing about American weddings, and the other couple aren't American, so I don't think that's a factor. We've decided to split the difference and pick them up at 6:45 .

Oh, on MN if the person is any way not how MN perceives a person to be they must be American .

Why are you planning on turning up late though? Why not just go at 7? What difference does it make to you?

Drogo my personal preference is to go late and leave early, so arrive around 8, leave 10:30-11. It's a long evening in a tent from 7 till midnight which is when it ends. I feel that we've rather been bounced into traveling with the other couple and it means we working to their timetable not our own.

Please do update later OP, I’m intrigued and dying to hear about what I assume is the poshest burger van of all time

I'd interpret most invites as arrive 10 minutes after it says on the invitation.

And for an evening do, I'd be expecting some sort of nibbles only and the day guests to have had the sit down affair. From experience of the awful sort of invite where you get ceremony and evening do only which results in you just getting pissed in the pub in between times and turning up in a state that only proves to the B+G why they were right not to make you an A list guest

If it was a casual disco after party, I'd be happy with 7 - 7.30 (although if just me I'd be dot of 7!)

But as you have now said it's actually black tie, I would expect there to be a welcome reception, glass of champagne served on trays etc. So that would def be a 7arrival for me.

I’m also intrigued by the juxtaposition of the dress code of Black tie and burgers.

I would arrive just after 7pm (leave at 6.30 in other words) but I doubt there's a meal, evening invitation means "a buffet or bbq or perhaps just crisps because you didn't make the cut" street food vans I hear are popular these days too which fits with the burger van comment

I would arrive about 7.15pm in your circumstances. Not on the dot, but not late either. I’m currently planning a wedding and going slightly looping about times though (but everyone is coming to the whole day of mine, noone turning up halfway through)

There definitely won’t be a sit down dinner though! Your friend is mad. You won’t have a designated seat either. Please do update

There’s some odd posts on here, 7pm means a 7pm start, you can go any time after then but not before. Often there can be 50-100 evening guests, are they all supposed to arrive as the clock chimes 7pm and squeeze through the door on mass or do people expect guests to arrive in a more orderly fashion. This is a social occasion not the start of school. As guests will be travelling you can’t be expected to time your journey to the second so according to those time obsessed posters on here you should all get there early to ensure you are there at 7pm and then leap out of your cars on mass at 7pm in the dot.

There will not be a sit down meal at an evening do, that is the wedding breakfast and you have already been informed there will be a burger van.

The first dance is usually around half an hour after the start to allow quests to arrive. It won’t be at 9pm otherwise nobody could dance before then.

Black tie, I would probably aim to arrive at 7.15.