Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What age did you think you were an adult?

91 replies

jennymanara · 01/06/2019 11:34

Just found out on MN yesterday that in Scotland you are legally an adult at 16, I know in England and Wales it is 18. Don't know with NI.

But when did you first consider yourself an adult? Even if your parents would not have agreed?
I thought of myself as an adult at 16 years old. I was working full-time from 16.

OP posts:
Original poster
jennymanara · 01/06/2019 13:53

I agree that the point where you are providing support and money to parents, rather than the other way around, changes how you view yourself.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 01/06/2019 13:54

Why on earth would I want to feel like an adult? Adulting is hard work!

anothernotherone · 01/06/2019 13:56

littlemeitslyn Flowers

Asta19 · 01/06/2019 14:00

When you become an adult you realise adults don't have all the answers and don't always make good decisions

This is very true! I suppose if it’s about taking responsibility for yourself I did that from the age of 12! Long story short I lived with my dad from that age and I did all the cooking and household chores, took care of the bills and stuff as he couldn’t read or write. He also didn’t care if I went to school or not. Not that my mum took fantastic care of me before that but that was the age that I started doing everything. Sometimes I do think I have maybe spent a lot of my adult life trying to regain my lost childhood.

MrsDilligaf · 01/06/2019 14:01

At 17 when I went through something quite painful emotionally and physically. I grew up overnight and thought at that point I was no longer a child, having made a very adult decision.

I am 45 now, and on reflection, I probably didn't really become an adult until I moved into my first house at 23. The responsibility for rent, bills etc.

I got married and had my DD at 41. That was a real "Oh, right then, I'm definitely an adult now" moment.

Original poster
jennymanara · 01/06/2019 14:03

Asta That makes sense that you would indulge in childish things now. And that is fine. I do think whatever pastimes makes someone happy is fine. Who cares if you play with lego, have a dolls house or love watching kids films?

OP posts:
Gamorasgran · 01/06/2019 14:03

I'm Going through the loss of a parent right now and jeez it's made me feel like a grown up (am mid 40s). Being seen as a key decision maker for my dad by both my dm and the hospital staff is frightening and sobering.

I've other major bereavement and years of fertility struggle and loss and I'm a parent myself but nothing has made me feel this grown up. Sucks.

Dd1 is pretty sure she's a grown up. She's 9

ThanosSavedMe · 01/06/2019 14:04

I’m 47, married with two kids and a professional job. I’m still waiting

anothernotherone · 01/06/2019 14:07

I agree being an adult is about taking responsibility for yourself.

It's not about what hobbies you have. That's a bit silly and I think people just say they're aren't grown up because they want to be seen as fun.

There are 7 year olds who like to knit and hill walk and watch country file - they aren't adults. There are 40 year olds who rely on their parents or spouse to sort out their bills and can't do anything on their own, won't take public transport alone, won't learn to drive or have a licence but will only drive a familiar route, want someone to accompany them whenever they do anything new - are they adults? Technically, yes, but arguably not fully fledged or perhaps with extra needs which prevent them ever being independent, it depends on why they're like that.

Take full responsibility for your decisions, don't rely on anyone else to baby you through everyday life, cope with challenges and so on but like Lego and playstation and lie in til lunch time if you've no commitments that day and are not responsible for anyone helpless - of course you're an adult. It's a bit facetious to pretend otherwise if you'd be offended at having your adult rights removed and being treated like a child.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 01/06/2019 14:12

16, I couldn’t wait to reach 16 and be independent, I’m shocked at how some 16 y o are these days and how some parents are towards their 16 y o.

wheresmymojo · 01/06/2019 14:13

Legally 18. In reality I feel I'm almost, but not quite, there at 37

nrpmum · 01/06/2019 14:19

Like @ScreamingValenta I'm still not growed up in my 40's and I have a mortgage, and pups to pay for.

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 01/06/2019 18:09

16 I was working etc I knew nothing though

wheresmymojo · 01/06/2019 18:31

The reason I don't feel like a 'proper' adult isn't related to hobbies...

My parents always seemed to have their shit together. They never ran out of toilet roll or had debt problems or had anything out of place in the house (even with children).

I'm nowhere near as good at 'responsibility' as they were. Occasionally we run out of loo roll, this year I'm in serious financial problems, I completely lack the control and discipline that they had which I associate with being a 'proper grown up'.

Asta19 · 01/06/2019 18:47

Yes. Lack of control and discipline, that’s me too! My parents weren’t good role models but my grandparents were what I imagine “proper” adults to be. They worked hard. Everything was planned and prepared for. They never ran out of loo roll! They were brilliant at budgeting. I’ll have spells where I’m miss sensible and do all the right things, then I’ll go and blow it all by doing something reckless, or for other reasons it will all fall apart. And I am so shit at “life admin” as they call it on here! My DS moved out 4 months ago and I put his old drawers and stuff outside. Went online and paid the fee for the council to collect it. Only they never turned up and it’s still there! I need to call them and chase it up. It’s one phone Call! I don’t know what’s wrong with me sometimes.

Original poster
jennymanara · 01/06/2019 18:57

I am great at never running out of toilet roll and keeping the house fine and ticking over. I am shit at life admin. I hate it so avoid it.

OP posts:
2anddone · 01/06/2019 19:00

35 when h moved out and left me and dc aged 4 and 7....then I really knew it was time to always be the adult. Didn't want to get up in the morning but had to as had 2 little people to look after

Cannyhandleit · 01/06/2019 19:01

In my head 13 but looking back probably actually 30 😂!

corythatwas · 01/06/2019 19:23

My parents were very clear that this was a gradual process and that they would start to gradually think of me as more and more adult before I reached 18. I think they made a good job of it.

Have tried to do the same for dc, but times are different and it will probably be harder for ds (19) to be able to move from home on low wages than it was for either dh or me. We try to remember to treat him as an adult though. Our eldest is in HE and unlike dh and myself in our day unable to get either a grant or even a loan/maintenance loan. She works on top of her studies but not enough to afford London accommodation. If we were closer to London she would definitely have to live at home to save money.

HotChocolateLover · 02/06/2019 00:13

Even though I had my son at 19, I only started to feel properly grown up once I hit my thirties. I think it’s because I can now let things go that I once would have agonised over, I don’t have a terrible relationship with my ex-husband anymore (we’re like ‘colleagues’) and I feel confident to make decisions to suit myself and my family rather than others. I also own a home.

BackforGood · 02/06/2019 00:32

I think you have a very different view of what 'being an adult' means, from the idea many of us have.
It isn't about 'being a child vs being an adult', it is about feeling that you are 'grown up' to me, which actually does come a lot later for many people than those milestones of turning 18, or 21, or moving out from your parents home, or even things like getting your first job or your first mortgage or even having dc. In fact, having a tiny baby to look after can have the opposite effect - it can make people feel very vulnerable and in need of help - often, if not always - from your own Mum.
For a lot of people it doesn't happen until they experience the loss of a parent - either to death or to that 'change of roles' where you then start to look after them, rather than them looking after you.

Gogreen · 02/06/2019 01:02

13/14 years old I felt like a adult. I had to wait a few more years for my age to catch up though so I could get a job, move out and buy a house, I was born older, I had useless parents too...it’s not their fault, they were born into ‘that’ type of family, so I was too...but it appears I’m a trend breaker, because me and the family I created are completely different. My parents robbed me of a childhood, when they grow up, maybe they will realise it, but I doubt it!

Frittata · 02/06/2019 01:07

45

JustBeingJobless · 02/06/2019 01:52

I’m 40, parent to a teenager, home owner, manage to pay bills, cook meals etc yet I still don’t feel particularly grown up yet!

YerAWizardHarry · 02/06/2019 01:55

Had a child/mortgage/full time job at 19 so probably then