What age did you think you were an adult?

[jennymanara]

Just found out on MN yesterday that in Scotland you are legally an adult at 16, I know in England and Wales it is 18. Don't know with NI.

But when did you first consider yourself an adult? Even if your parents would not have agreed?
I thought of myself as an adult at 16 years old. I was working full-time from 16.

I considered myself 'not a child' at 12 because I was taking care of my younger siblings and addict mother - all the household chores, trying to feed everyone on the small amount of money I could get from my mother, going with her to try to sort out debt problems and other official things, etc.

'Adult' probably from 16. Although I did also have a moment of 'really?' when I got my mortgage.

I don't feel bad about my early experiences but it does make me tetchy when someone says that people in their early twenties are all immature and irresponsible, not really adult, and so on. (I don't mean anyone on this thread talking about their personal experiences, but as a sweeping generalisation).

16. But now I’m 31 and no longer think this.

How can you be 30, 40 or 60 years old and not think of yourself as an adult? Do you still really think of yourself as a child?

28- I remember the moment vividly.

I left home at 18, but ricocheted from one disaster to another for years (including a marriage and divorce).

Yep, 28.

14. At that age I understood that whatever my parents did, I would get by.

My mistake was in not leaving home immediately.

When I gave birth in an ambulance at 18

Do you still really think of yourself as a child

Not a child but not an “adult” in the way society see’s adults.
I’m nearly 50 and, in all honesty, still not great at adulting! I like gaming and Lego. I have been known to spend all day in bed. I will take off somewhere on a whim. Yes i’ve had kids and can hold down a job. But I’m actually not great at responsibility!

My 'I'm a real adult' moment was only the other day, despite the fact that I've had a mortgage for five years, have lived away from home for twelve and have two small children myself.

I went for a walk through our local park and a group of teens (probably 13-14ish) rapidly hid whatever it was they'd got (cigarettes I suspect) and I heard one of them say 'quick, it's your mum!' to one of the others. Then a 'phew, no it's not' as I walked past them.

I'm 34. So technically old enough to be their mum but I'd have been pretty young when they were born. But even so, it made me sad! I must look like a real adult if teenagers think I'm their mum!!

I also told off similar youths for littering and using bad language in the park a few days later - they picked it up immediately and packed it in, so clearly I am now a grown up with an edge of authority to naughty teenagers!

I had my dd when I was 16, my own place, job, bills. I definitely felt like an adult then. More so than I do now she's 23 doing her own thing!

Asta Okay you are talking about being organised and in control of your life and liking certain pastimes. So a very childlike view of what an adult is. When in reality adults can be fucked up, self destructive, make a mess of things, and like lots of childish pastimes.

To me being an adult means you take responsibility for yourself and making your own decisions. When I started work at 16 my mum would not have come in and talked to the boss if I had a problem, it was my job to sort things out.

At 15, I felt independent and ready to look after myself. I bought my own house the month I turned 18, and worked to pay my own way through uni. It is only now, in my 30s, that I feel more like an adult though. When I'm dealing with my kids I'm often waiting for the grown-up to show up and take over. Ha! I wouldn't want my own children to feel the need to grow up quickly like I had to. My house will always be their home and I hope to support them financially through university and when buying a house/car.

49, when I became a grandparent. Before that still growing (and messing) up.

37, the night I had my first baby it struck me that I was an adult responsible for his wellbeing...forever!

I don't know if I will ever feel like an adult and I'm in my 40s. I guess what I mean is that when I look back at my parents, they always seemed to have an answer or a solution and appear to be happy with their responsibilities and lives. I always feel me and my hubby are making it up as we go along despite having children, a house, pensions etc.

However, if you are talking about being fully financially independent etc then on appearances probably about 23.

I thought I was a grown up at 16/17 then I realised I was nowhere near by 18 when I needed bailing out for a few years in a row.

In my late twenties I felt it again but not for good reasons, but when I realised that even if I let my parents try and solve my problems they couldn't because they were big messy adult problems that were beyond them.

I thought being a grown up would feel like freedom, but actually it felt like responsibility. Go figure!

I get what you’re saying. I know I’m certainly not the only person like me! But I think about when people on here will complain that their OH is up late gaming and people will respond with “is he 12?” And things like that. I think “some” people have a view that when you become an adult you have to forget anything deemed as childish and be super responsible. Obviously I do have to take responsibility for myself, there’s no one else around to do it for me! But I don’t always do that in the best way or make the right decisions! Maybe that’s what it is. When you’re not making good choices it’s hard to feel adult. You feel like you should know better and not make silly mistakes. I think for me as well I’m surrounded by people who think the things I like are childish and they view me as a bit of a wildcard, in that they don’t know what I’ll do next! It’s all done in affection, not in a mean way, but I guess their view does influence my view of myself.

I went out to buy bubbles a few days ago . I'm 46 .

Still don’t feel like I am! 47, wife and mum of 17 & 16 DS’.

I sometimes feel like I have a child's brain in an adults body but hopefully no one has noticed

Asta I like plenty of childish things. I get that the view of those around you influences how you think of yourself. And yes some people do have a very fixed idea of what being an adult should mean.
I do personally think that even though some adults think like this, it is a childlike view of what being an adult means. When you become an adult you realise adults don't have all the answers and don't always make good decisions (if you hadn't realised before then).

Since I left home at 18, I have always looked after myself. Sure with support sometimes, but no bailing out. And the support has been in the main from friends and partners. But I was desperate to be an adult and make my own decisions in life. Never really understood those who wanted to live at home and still live like a young teenager.

14 when Mum died 😢

18 I guess - not 16 as I was at school, even though it was 6th form college shortly after my 16th birthday. Obviously being 16 is different from being 6, but I don't think I thought I was officially an adult, living with my parents for free and going to school!

I left home a few days after my 18th birthday to work abroad and travel, then went to university.

Although I wasn't tied down to a mortgage or responsible for dependants I do think that I was an adult at 18. I certainly took responsibility for myself and relied solely on my own judgement and resources to an extent some people still don't do at 30.

We change throughout our lives but in my mid 40s I dispute the idea we aren't adults til 25. I think 18 is about right, though of course it's possible to encourage your teens to be helpless and dependant and about useless, and not equip them with the skills to take responsibility for themselves. Some people fail to fully launch into adulthood all their lives without any inherent reason beyond learned helplessness.

How can you be 30, 40 or 60 years old and not think of yourself as an adult? Do you still really think of yourself as a child

It isn’t about thinking of yourself as a child. But more to do with how you act or the things you want to do.

I actually dropped a friend when she offered to help me learn to knit and thought we could sit in her conservatory and have a nice chat while doing our knitting.

There was a programme I saw advertised with an older guy and his son doing different things.

I really wanted to do all the things the teen was doing. The one that was nearer my age seemed to be more interested in sitting.

My oldest friend (age wise) is 15 years younger than me and is starting to act old.

In my head I am still 15

When i became responsible for both my parents (POA), sick DH and DC as well as working full time. Feels like i have 5 kids, not 3! I need a short break away from all of them to recharge!

I used to think I was an adult from when I was about 16 but looking back I don't think I was an actual adult until I was about 25 (even though I had two kids prior to that)