Husbands 😡

[cinders333]

Ok so I’m sitting in a lovely pub garden with my OH and another couple of friends. My OH announces how lucky I am as I get to walk in any hotel or pub in the Cotswolds and it’s free. (He means because HE pays) He then proceeds with “ And you get £400 allowance a month). Let me point out, I still have 3yo at home. She goes to nursery 2 days and a morning a week. I teach and do what I can but obviously difficult at the moment. Am I unreasonable to be angry that anyone with young children needs some money and that he was trying to shame me in front of our friends? He regularly does this. I’ve asked him nicely to stop but he doesn’t get it. Thank you for reading.

How vulgar of him to talk about money in front of your friends.

Mention that the £400 isn’t nearly enough for you to wash, dry and iron his smelly socks and pants.

Reply that the cost of a nanny to cover the time that he is at work and DC is not at nursery would cost a hell of a lot more than £400 pm.

what do you mean by 'you teach'? Are you actually working at the mo? Having a 3 year old isn't a good reason not to be at work.

I say this because he sounds absolutely odious and I'd want to be in a good position to stop being given an allowance like a teenager.

and I don't think what you are describing is true of husbands as a rule.

For £400 a month I cook clean and take care of our child, I do night duty and have no holiday pay or lunch breaks, my hours are 24/7 reguardless if I am unwell or under stress. I also offer advice and sounding bored for my husband and meet his sexual needs. I pay bills and taxi our child to appointments.

I think £100 a week is a bargain and if you think you can do better - we’ll swap places - in fact - let’s try that for a week and see how you get on!!

Do you work or not? It’s not clear form your OP. If you don’t work then he does pay for everything

However no need to mention it in front of friends. Taking about money is generally vulgar anyway

Start billing him for all the cooking cleaning childminding etc that you do. It will be considerably more than £400.
And tell him if he ever mortifies you in front of your friends again, you will tip your drink over his head and loudly call him a cunt. And mean it.

Start invoicing him for cleaning, cooking, childcare, laundry, sex and gardening.

Make sure it’s slightly more than he has left after paying the mortgage/rent, council tax, utilities

Point out to him how ‘lucky’ he is that you haven’t sued him for none payment yet!

Remind him he is a dick!

I would be horrified if a friend's husband said this to me. It says a lot more about him than it does you. He should be the one feeling ashamed.

I teach kids to ride. So a fri Late afternoon. I also do some currency exchange which has massively dropped this year. I also baby sit when I can. My main job before was producing horses. So when I moved away and got married/pregnant, then that stopped. The issue mainly is not really the money. It's a lack of respect for me and trying to shame me in public about money that he obviously feels I don't deserve. I have two kids. 3 & 6. I do a lot with them. We are always on the go and I know I am lucky that I can do this. And yes I do all normal house wife duties too. We also have 2 dogs and 2 horses which I pay for. One is for my eldest daughter.

It’s not husbands in general. It’s your husband who is behaving like an arsehole.

I'd have shamed him in front of everyone.

Why do you only get £400? Spending money should be split 50/50

That's not normal husband behaviour. How humiliating to get an allowance like a child.
He doesn't sound very nice.

Joint account! Once you are a family it's family money, why should he give you an allowance? I would seriously consider working sooner rather than later though as his attitude sounds very resentful and I would be concerned that it won't end well

If the £400 is the OPs spending money, as in she doesn't have to buy groceries or things for DC, that is quite a lot, and more than most people would have, so it would well be half of the available spending money..

But that's not the point obviously.

Stop “asking him nicely” to stop. Tell him in no uncertain terms not to speak to or about you like that ever again.

He’s not paying you an allowance, he’s supporting his family. And if he needs to boast about that to his friends by demeaning and diminishing you then he is a sad and pathetic loser.

And I also think it's fine to separate personal spending money from bills/family money.

Saves any worry about accidentally or unintentionally spending the mortgage money on personal stuff because you don't have a good handle on the finances.

He sounds extremely tight and controlling. Not a good look for anyone, including husbands, wives and partners.
And he showed himself up in front of your friends.

Your husband sounds like a massive arsehole but YABU to tarnish all husbands with the same brush as per your title. Not all husbands behave like pricks.

The way someone is treated in public is a mirror of exactly what that person thinks of you.

Ugh

I get that this is all about his insecurities wanting to big himself up in front of friends. What it actually does is make him seam pathetic.

What is he like in other ways? To be fair I'm not sure I would care. I would be clear that I found this behaviour difficult to accept and would follow through on it.

Just ugh.

I don't think it is about him bigging himself up as he's pretty humble most of the time. He is also a good father and I trust him. Otherwise I would not put up with this behaviour. He can be an arrogant arsehole obviously too! I just need to find a way to deal with it. I did nearly leave once. He was devastated. But obviously not that devastated 🙈🙈🙈

"Oh do you mean that tiny amount of £400 you contribute while I earn the rest teaching. Yes it's a shame you don't earn more"

Not husbands generally, you've married a knob