Boarding School realities

[Historicalroad]

Just wondering if anyone who attended Boarding Schools between the 60s and 90s would be willing to share their experiences?

So as to not drip feed, I'm attempting, though failing miserably so far, to write a novel. Purely fictional. I have my characters and a storyline but it works best set in a boarding school.

I've never stepped foot inside a boarding school. I've no idea what they're like but I want to keep it as realistic as possible. I've trawled the internet to try and get an insight into what life is like at boarding schools but I'm struggling. I don't think the plot would fair as well if it was set today, hence why I'm looking at some time between the 60s and the 90s.

My dad went to a boarding school in the 60's on a scholarship. As a 'rough kid' from the east end he had a crap time.
Tbh, I don't think it was just a crap time, there were some levels of abuse there that he's never spoken of.

DobbyTheHouseElk that all sounds punishing.

We never had a phone booth - just a phone in the back hall and a set period of time during which we might use it. My parents let me reverse the charge (which I know was much more expensive than if I’d paid at my end). I don’t remember it being at all stressful, unless I had lots to tell and the next person in the queue was champing at the bit.

And we had a system whereby you could order anything you wanted from the chemists up the road. That went on your bill and was waiting on your bed when you got in after school. (I can’t even imagine the horror of having to ask as you describe.) Otherwise you could pop into the chemists, escorted by a prefect, on the way back from school, but then you had to pay out of your meagre amount of cash.

Things I enjoyed:
The vast stash of Mills and Boon books in the library cupboard in the dining room. (No idea why there.)
Shoe polishing in the cloakroom every evening. (No idea why. Still love polishing shoes.)
The long running novelistic saga my dorm mates and I recounted to each other every night after lights out.
Sunday morning church. Hated being dragged out f the house in uniform, wasn’t religious at all - but it was very High Church and the bells and whistles, organ, Latin - the theatre of it all - really appealed to me.

Obviously there were things I liked about school during the day - but that was entirely separate to boarding life.

We had 2 phones - one in a box which offered more privacy, and the other just in the corridor. My parents also used to let me reverse the charges!

My housemistress was an older, strict lady, and whilst she wasn’t affectionate, she stuck up for me with my parents (I was being sexually abused at home by a relative) and made excuses to them about weekend activities so that I didn’t have to go home.

@GeorgeTheBleeder - I was at school when the Nokias were becoming more popular. Before the phones, my dad gave me a phone card after which I had to dial a 16 digit number and a PIN code before the actual phone number to obtain a cheaper rate. When the phones came out, it was all v expensive so that restricted use. DS 5yr old asked me what a phone box was for the other day... funny how things change.

GeorgeTheBleeder

It wasn’t very nice, I don’t think my parents actually understood how bad it was.

We were in a rural school so not in walking distance of anywhere. So no chance of being allowed out for anything.

The house mistress was cruel. She was always roaming around at night, if you took to long on the loo she’d be there. Asking why.

It’s not a very smart co-Ed school. Looks unrecognisable from when I was there. I don’t hope schools don’t hand out punishment like they used to. We used to have to stand on the marble stairs in the night in the dark alone if we were out of bed when we shouldn’t have been or taking when we shouldn’t have been.

It’s now.

I can scarcely remember anyone being punished. Perhaps I am just too old to recall, or perhaps we were mostly fairly law abiding.

Other than one girl who was temporarily rusticated for climbing out of the window to meet her boyfriend, we were mostly punished with a stiff talking to if we transgressed in any way. The worst thing would be the housemistress telling your parents. One or two girls did disappear without explanation, leading to rampant uninformed gossip.

I always felt disappointed that my school was located in a small city - with neither mountains nor rolling acres anywhere in the vicinity - but reading other people’s experiences is causing me to re-assess. I can see that an isolated, rural situation really might not have been ideal.

My brother’s school was in a town. The boarding house was across town from the school, so they walked through town all the day to get to school and back, they had coffee in coffee shops and were free to browse shops. Loads of freedom. A very different experience.

We were in middle of nowhere, out in the country which made the whole experience even more isolating.

My brother now lives in a massive city abroad, I live in a teeny village in a rural area. Hadn’t made the connection before.

We had phones all over the place and they were free to use but they were always in sight of staff and if they were concerned you were homesick you'd get sent to your Nurse. The Nurse was just a woman (usually young) who would sleep at the end of the dorms and make sure you brushed your teeth/hair got a shower. When I was very young I have lovely memories of sitting on her knee getting cuddles!

I remember a homesick new girl getting a real telling off for crying during supper. She was told in no uncertain terms that she was behaving like a baby - and this was from the house mistress.
We had to get special permission to phone home and it would only happen a few times a term. There was a pay phone in the hall and I used to call reverse charge. I remember having to say 'I want to make a long distance reverse charge call' to the operator. The long distance was about 120 miles, and the number I was calling from only had 3 digits. How times change.
Birthday cakes. There were two very good cake shops in the nearby town. My parents would order the cake to my specification, (as did all the other parents) and it would be delivered in time for tea. They were lovely cakes too.
We were allowed to go to the town Saturday afternoons - we had lessons in the morning. I had accounts at all the shops I used regularly (which was standard form) so I could buy what I wanted within reason. It meant I never needed cash, which was handy. I can't remember ever having any actual money; there was no need for it.

I went to a small co-ed boarding and day school in the 1960s that was considered quite progressive at the time. I bloody loved it and am still in touch with many contemporaries.
Looking through this thread there seems to be a vast difference between schools of the 60s and 70s and more recent ones.

I recall being dropped off in Bath for Christmas shopping too, I wonder if that’s what all the boarding schools did (I don’t think mine was Dobbys - we had an indoor pool).

For me boarding school was fun but there are some things I could have done without eg being woken up by a matron ringing a bell in the dorm next to my head (extraordinarily unpleasant) , windows that didn’t shut properly (so cold in winter), having my drawers inspected for tidiness and tipped out on the floor for being too messy, food that wasn’t exactly edible (a lot of us became veggie to avoid the nasty meat and we all ate tonnes of toast), a scheduled bath night once a week (no showers at first so we all had those rubber hose attachment things) and house mistresses who were just plain awful - mine was not someone I would allow to look after my children . But the friends, the being busy etc and the facilities were great. And not much TV! We were allowed to watch Tv as a house one night per week so we all voted for Thursday as that was Top of the Pops. Otherwise we didn’t watch TV except maybe a bit on Sunday. Things got more relaxed in the 6th form.

We could only go out on our own when we were relatively senior and if we had earned the relevant status. At the lowest level it had to be in a group of four, then we graduated to two, till we reached the exalted levels of prefectship and could go out on our own. So far as I remember we couldn't go shopping till we reached the 6th form. We had a tuck shop on Saturdays where we could buy sweets, and we could order some shopping such as peanut butter etc via the form teacher; there was also a separate process for ordering stuff like shampoo etc from the chemists'. We had to open parcels in the matrons' room so that they could check what was in them.

The food was pretty terrible. To this day I gag at the feel of gristle and fat on meat as a reaction to being made to clear the plate no matter how horrible the meat was. Vegetables used to get boiled to tastelessness, and we frequently found bugs in the salad. Worst was Sundays when the kitchens were on skeleton staff, and we had cold meat and, usually, beetroot in vinegar or Russian salad. I hated beetroot and Russian salad (which looked like vomit anyway), and though I didn't mind corned beef and cold ham, the meat was more often spam which was utterly disgusting.

This is a fascinating thread, thank you for starting it. I used to love all of those boarding school books when I was younger but in reality I think I never would have coped. I was far too sensitive and rubbish at popularity type games.

I've been loving reading this thread
I came to England when I was eight and boarded at my girls prep school until I was 12, when Mum and Dad came back to England.
I've found my yellow 'Girls Book of RulesRubbish from that time and it contains some gems,like the banning of comics,strip-cartoons and other poor literature !!!, likewise the total ban of ball-pens.
I'd wish that the etiquette of table manners and the correct use of cutlery was taught in schools now - perhaps it is? Oh, it even tackled the correct disposable of gristle. You apparently tidy it in a neat pile at the side of your plate, according to the Yellow Book. So why did I parcel it up in my paper napkin and stash it in the pocket in my knickers for later disposal? I'd obviously not read my Yellow Book of Rubbish thoroughly enough
We had a 'zoo' where we were allowed to keep pets. There were a couple of ponies there, I certainly remember a snake, but mostly I remember the mice we kept, all the offspring of one fecund female someone brought with her. The local pet shop sold out of cages!.
Our School was small enough to be a good 'fit' for me and the mistresses were, I'm sure, all aware of my particular home circumstances which gave me stability and normality during what would otherwise have been a horrendous time for a child.

This has been truly helpful, insightful and such a fascinating read!

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to help and provide your experiences. It is truly appreciated.

It’s certainly an interesting read!

Do just bear in mind OP that boarding school now is very, very different to the historical accounts here. External inspection, mobile phones, the internet (especially social media) all mean that school life is open to public view. (Though that still seems to leave room for stubbornly held misconceptions.) Schools with less than stellar safeguarding histories are anxious to distance themselves from the past. And even the loveliest school needs to make itself attractive to both traditional and non-traditional ‘buyers’.

There’s a definite prioritising of wellbeing and an emphasis on fun. All but the major public schools are gradually bending towards weekly or flexi-boarding - which really does make a different sort of boarding environment.

Don’t, whatever you do, unless you’re setting it in the 19th century or earlier, write a story that assumes pupils dumped at school at the beginning of term and picked up at the end - this doesn’t happen. Compulsory exeats and plentiful holidays mean it’s unusual for a child to be at school for more than two or three weeks at a time. Don’t, if you’re setting it in the 21st century, write anything assuming a child forced into boarding. Applying is a long, careful process which revolves around prospective pupils demonstrating eagerness to attend a school and eagerness to board.

It would be excellent if you could somehow make clear that there is an element of diversity in the better schools - which will have strong traditions of offering bursaries to the clever and talented. So not all pupils will be rich. And not all pupils will be blond or live in Kensington.

And ... Blah blah blah ...

Compulsory exeats and plentiful holidays mean it’s unusual for a child to be at school for more than two or three weeks at a time

Well, that depends. If you're boarding because your parents have been posted to the Solomon Islands, then you won't be going home every two weeks.

Rather clearly not. But on compulsory exeats you would be taken out by a relative or appointed guardian. You wouldn’t stay at school because the school would be closed. Housemasters/mistresses need a rest too.

I’m finding it really interesting reading other peoples experiences. Also makes me so pleased my school was how it was!

People hear that I went to a Catholic girl boarding school with lots of nuns and they think it must’ve been terrible. Best time of my life!

I wish we had had compulsory exeats! I was delivered to school by train (my parents never saw the school until I had been there nearly a year) and went home by train for half term (3 days) and holidays. Those were the only times I saw my parents. As a family we lived in Surrey. (I.e. not abroad) My brother was the same (different school). In fact, girls who lived a bit closer (but still boarded) were allowed home, for the day only, a few times a term. All this was standard in the public school system up to the 70s. I was there late 60s to early 70s.. In the summer term we didn't even get to go home - our parents came to visit us instead for a weekend of exhibitions etc.
It was really tough.

Compulsory exeats and plentiful holidays mean it’s unusual for a child to be at school for more than two or three weeks at a time

It in my experience. Most of the girls I boarded with were from overseas. So no this didn’t happen.

Was talking about now! Plenty of international pupils in the schools I know.

All girls' boarding school in the 80s. It was very different from boarding schools now. Now they have loads of clubs and activities in the evenings. At the weekend they go on trips out, eat out, have pizza evenings, etc. At my boarding school, there was almost nothing to do outside of lessons. You did schoolwork, or chatted over a slice of toast and butter (this was all that the school provided outside of meals, unless your parents paid extra for you to have a weekly delivery of fruit). Going into town was restricted - I remember being stuck in the school and school grounds almost the whole time. There were a few scandals. One girl went missing and was caught having sex with a young gardener. She was expelled immediately. I was taught history by the Head and her deputy (woman/man). Half the time they didn't turn up to lessons, and when they did they just dictated notes from their university days. They were rumoured to be having sex in the Head's office when they should have been teaching. This went on for ages - God knows how anyone passed their exams (mind you, we had lots of time to teach ourselves history, as nothing else to do). They sacked their careers advisor to save money, and appointed a housemistress who had no work experience outside of the school. She simply advised all the bright girls to become librarians and all the less bright girls to become kindergarten teachers. And I remember being told, shortly before A'levels, that getting an A was amazing and not realistically something we could expect, and getting a B would be great. Also - not to work too hard.