Hen Weekend

[BearRabbitPants]

What are people's opinions on hen weekends abroad? What's classed as 'reasonable' regarding cost and duration? And what's classed as an acceptable reason not to attend? Thoughts appreciated!

Jesus 5 hen weekends?
@rookiemere I stated that I wouldn't want to pay out £350 plus spends, I mentioned that 2 nights would be more doable & if it was cheaper I'd attend because I would?
I've had a response that bride definitely wants to go abroad and the very minimum it would be Fri-Mon but preferably Thur-Mon so I just said ok no prob let me know if you do an outing in the UK and I'll be there

DH is just praying now the stag isn't 5 days long! He hardly drinks! He went away for 2.5 days for his stag last year and it took him a week to recover he wished he'd done 1night! Lol 😂

@user1474894224 - they all have children surprisingly.
Altho I will say there's absolutely nothing wrong with having a break away with friends and not being "Mummy" for a few days I just wouldn't want to go away for 5 whilst they are both so young.

8k to attend someone’s wedding?

My own wedding didn’t cost that much

Just don’t go to York, OP.

£8k!!!

Can you actually afford that?

I'm going to a three day hen abroad and can't wait. I would just not go if I couldn't afford it and I think the hen would understand that, up to the hen and the organiser to do what makes the hen happy

@Newbie1981 yes of course it's the brides special time, only get to do it once so got to make the most of it. It's just a little extravagant for me to pay that out as well as DH attending the stag do abroad(it's his best mate getting married) & paying £8K ish to attend the wedding as well. Plus as I say I don't want to leave my children for 5 days.
I'm sure they'll understand .
If it had been a couple of nights in UK I'd have definitely gone.

We can afford to attend the wedding if we budget & pay it off bit by bit...

Yes I agree. I had written mine before I realised how long and how much and do agree that that is a little bit of a step too far to be honest.

I think they're excessive tbh especially if they're also getting married abroad.
People are so cheeky.

Is it a child free wedding OP?

If the wedding is abroad then I think it's totally reasonable to not go to an abroad hen do. Ones I've gone to have been 3 nights, costed around £350 (ai resort) plus other spends.

@Horsemad no, children are included, the couple has children between them. There's no way I'd be going otherwise. I have no one I could leave my children with for 10 days and I wouldn't anyway..

8k????!!!! OMG - no way would I attend, thats disgusting- how people have the gall to invite people to such an expensive wedding.

Re; the hen, you have every right to say no- if your husband gets an invite to a 5 day stag just have him say he can only attend 1/2 day and come back by himself- if he feels a duty to attend at all.

I got married in UK so no cost to attend my wedding...

This isn't true though. You're being a bit rose-tinted glasses OP. There are still costs to attend a wedding in the same country. Travel, accommodation, wedding gift, new outfits, babysitters.....none of this is free.

I would be very unhappy with someone planning their weekend on a bank holiday weekend. It seems quite selfish as it means guests can't go away for the long weekend as your wedding is right in the middle of it.

Never been on a hen do, thank goodness.

I think it's extraordinarily selfish of people to expect their guests to want to spend their savings on them! It's sooo keeping up with the Joneses. Guests put all these 'wedding guest expenses' on a credit card and suddenly, thanks to Molly and Dave's big, fat, shitty wedding, their 'good friends' now have a debt of 8K. What's wrong with people? What's with all the flash?
8k? Fuck off. That would be going on my son's university fees, thank you, not some bride's sad, flouncy-worn once-taffeta frock and string quartet in the narthex. I could have a proper holiday in Bora Bora for 8k. No way would I spend it on a wedding. And I'd NEVER expect people to shell that out for me.

I've been to very few weddings. I'm a bit of a wedding scrooge.

Nope. No interest to spend a long weekend with what is effectively a bunch of randoms thrown together. I love breaks with my close friends, but why would I want to spend my precious weekends with people I have nothing in common with and will likely never see again, apart from the wedding perhaps.

I'm quite strange though as I don't like big women only groups. Happier in mixed groups.

This has all got totally out of hand. Asking people to spend the best part of 10 grand to celebrate their wedding?! Insane.

How come your dh got a stag do away, and yours was in the UK?

And he simply has to go to a stag do away but you can’t go to the hens away?

No way would i attend. I'd reconsider the stag and wedding too.

The stag will probably be on parr or more expensive. Very selfish to get humpy, fine to invite (wouldnt do myself but it's invite not requirement) but if they get funny then they aren't friends.

Hate weekend ones and certainly wouldn't be going abroad for ether a hen do nor a wedding.

I just don't see the need to have more than a nice night out. A weekend, regardless of venue, is just OTT to me.

@HundredMilesAnHour . Hardly , guests could wear something already in their wardrobe, drive to venue and not drink (venue was local) , would never 'expect' a gift, peoples presence was enough for us! Everyone invited who had children have family that could take care of DC. Aside from all this, my issue isn't the paying to attend the wedding abroad. It's attending a 5 day Expensive hen do abroad AND the wedding.
DH is reluctant to go away for that length of time either! And would prefer just a few nights in UK. But he's in a much more awkward position because he's very close to the groom & May possibly be asked to be best man so he'd literally have no choice as there would be a fall out over it.
Anyway I'm sure everyone involved will be understanding & I'm pleased the majority of posters don't think I'm being unreasonable in not wanting to attend.

@IvanaPee I didn't want to go abroad, I have a city that's my favourite place to go With girlfriends so I went there for 2 nights. It was perfect & had a ball

As explained DH very close to groom, could possibly be asked to be best man, therefore would be very awkward not to go.

I have a friend who gone on a hen do for her mate that was in Spain and the next on is Crete. She seems to be able to afford it and has the child care

Absolutely @BearRabbitPants - nothing wrong with it. Just surprised as it is harder for mums to get away for so long...Mandy family financial budgets often prioritise differently.